SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I hope you at least think of your three adult children who will not be wishing you a happy father's day today.

I hope you at least think of your dad today. he died in October being disappointed in you.

So, how does it feel being you today???

Your emails are full of word salad. I read a few to my mom. She looked very confused. "What? What does that mean?" She kept asking.

Exactly. Keep putting it in writing. Keep going. Dig. Dig. Dig.

Tosser.

Just piss off!

I cannot believe how replaceable I was to you.

I cannot believe you have moved on.

You stupid f*** having the time of your life while I struggle here with the emotional scars and the resulting behaviour your leaving left on the girls.

How does this teeny-tiny brain of your even work?

F*** you!

For still keeping your foot between the door.

For still acting out of fear even after all your enlightenment.

For never learning your lesson.

For always taking the easy way out.

For never fighting for me and the girls.

This is how little we meant to you!?

Keri põrgu, värdjas!

Kids and I are enjoying BRINNER tonight! That's right: Pancakes and bacon! We love it. You always hated it, which is funny, considering that OBS caught you and his wife making out in your car at IHOP when you were supposed to be in R with me.

Someone pass the REAL maple syrup, please.

You are a horrendous human being. Are you actually human? I'm not convinced.

And keep your nasty ass off my patio furniture.

You will NOT ruin my kids, Fuckface! I will brainwash them with love and kindness and empathy and respect and common sense and trusting their gut.

You are the voice of hate and criticism and jealousy and put downs. They will know who you are, because I will be the opposite. Who will they prefer to tuck them in at night and read them stories?

I might not take them to Disney once a month, but I've got you beat where it counts; in their hearts. I am safe.

I don't want to hate you, I still love you but you continue to do and say such awful things to me. You don't appear to care and it's hurtful. Every time I try and stand up for myself you say something nasty or spiteful. I am sad that you have thrown the last 12 years of my life down the drain. I worry about your future as I think you will end up sad and lonely (although it won't look like that to outsiders because your life is so shallow).

BUT I know I will get through this and one day it won't hurt as bad and that I find who I used to be before being surpressed by your manipulation. I am hopeful that my future will make up for the shit and hurt you have caused me and my family.

I hate how you do this to me.

How you continue to deceive me unwittingly while I continue to give you the benefit of doubt.

How I think we're ok when in fact you are STILL taking advantage of me every single fucking day.

How I still try to be nice to you despite all of the shit you've given me!

How this weekend was triggers galore and it was like nothing to you.

How the fuck can you find it in you to constantly take advantage of me and my kindness. It's second nature to you isn't it. Behind that face is another fucked up dimension.

The divorce is hard. But I never knew how badly I would lose myself being married to you.

So fuck you. Fuck all of the damage you've done to me. Fuck the chance you destroyed for our son to have a family.

I wanted to say despite all of what has happened, you are a good dad. But deep down I knew that a good dad wouldn't have destroyed his family out of selfishness.

So I couldn't. And this is why.

I read your journal back during your false R attempt.. I know that you never loved me. I also know you don't see any problem with the fact you used me financially and emotionally for 17 years, and that you don't see how cruel that was. You kept me prisoner for my entire adult life, and punished me daily for not being what you wanted, all while you told me I was. You are evil incarnate.

Your friend volunteered to me that you said that same thing to her.. that you never loved me. That you'd settled and deserved more. I cant imagine how you didn't see how disgusted she was with you, and that is why she helps me with our divorce, although you won't know that until it's too late.

And to your affair partner.

I don't care how much you buy her or how many pictures you have on Facebook with my daughter, you will never be her dad. Ever.

I know being my wife's piggy bank makes you feel good, like you are her savior. I used to be her savior too, and she still wants me to be her piggy bank. See how she speaks about me now? I can only imagine what she's going to do to you in a few years once you can no longer meet her impossible expectations. It's funny in a way now, maybe one day I'll explain to you how it was actually me you rescued.

I used to hope you two wouldn't make it. I prayed for it to crash down on your heads. These I hope you are together until the day you die. You deserve each other.

Oh no arsehole.

I draw the line at my Dad.

I said nothing when you called me (me?) A BITCH in the car with 3 of our children.

But you MUST NOT denigrate me to my Dad because I wouldn't get drawn into your c***ish, hypocritical disparigement of our daughter's fiance.

No.

Fuck off

Unpacking my things in a new city has really made me feel sad. Looking at what I had snuck away from our home together because they were special to me and I didn't want you to have it also made me sad. Looking at things that used to annoy you so I would handle it made me sad. Setting up a whole new apartment by myself for the first time made me sad.

Your lawyer keeps harping on it being a short term marriage as tho it doesn't matter. It was significant to me.

Why are you fighting so hard on this divorce that you screamed at me that you wanted? And where is all your money going? Shouldn't your expenses be lightened by sharing them with your "soulmate?" And shouldn't your "soulmate" be helping you do all those things I used to do to make your life less stressful? Please let me go, and give me what I want. You can never make things fair, but you can try. You threatening to kill yourself is more of your selfishness. If you hate yourself so much, why don't you do positive things to try to make the situation better?

I guess I'm just sad.

You're a fucking liar and always have been. Looking back over the last 12 years you have told me numerous lies and I fell for your bullshit every time. You're a dick and you don't deserve me and never did. WANKER.

Mehhhh....never mind.

I took a nap today and had a dream where you asked me if this was the kind of pain you get over or whether you had hurt me so badly that I was forever changed. I replied that it was a forever thing and you put your arms around me and cried. I remember you doing that last year when you were in your right mind for a few months before addiction took off again and you left the relationship while standing by my side once again. No cheating as far as I know now, but collectible toys and then drinking and then drugs again. I hope there's some part of you in there who is capable of caring. I've known that guy, but you keep killing him off and shoving him down. The hard part is that you are all of these people. The sweet loving one, the cheating one, the selfish one, the giving one, the drug addict one. I can't have one without the others, so I want none.

The worst part of the dream is that for a moment when I woke up, I could feel again. I can't afford to feel right now. I'm moving forward like a boss, got pre-qualified for mortgages and have a bunch of houses to go look at next week. The odds are good I'll be putting an offer in within the next week and getting myself extricated from this drama. I'm happy doing it. I'm motivated and I'm excited to look at homes. Too excited. I look at our family pictures and I feel nothing. I look at you and I feel nothing. I think of leaving and I feel nothing. I know this is false. You've declared that you're planning to die as a crack addict and that you hope it won't take too long and you have no concept of what that does to everyone around you. I have to wonder whether I'm going to find your dead body any given day. That's why I can't feel. I loved you so very much, but my brain has kindly decided that I cannot afford to do that right now for the sake of my sanity. I appreciate it, but it scares me a bit. What have you done to me? What kind of breakdown is in my future, or am I changed into a colder person thanks to this marriage? How much did you break in me? The past year has been such a hellscape that I just don't have anything left to feel with. I'm actually quite interested to see who I'm going to be after this. I hope I can feel again one day. I hope I don't lose it altogether after I'm out. I hope you don't die. I hope you get it together and become a father to your child again. I'm glad I met and got to love her. She deserves better than this pile of crap you're serving her.

Most of all, I hope I don't feel again for a few months.

I'd have done anything to make you happy. I thought you loved me and I was so grateful and thankful for that love. I orbited you. I worked full time so you could have quality time with the babes in the holidays... I worked myself into the ground with two small children so you could have a day off a week with them. I paid all the bills, I worked hard to give you holidays and a lovely house with the huge garden you wanted. I endured the mental and physical pain of four cycles of IVF to give you the children you craved. You were EVERYTHING to me.

I was so very very proud of our family, how we'd fought so hard, and how utterly beautiful our boys are. I was happy, my world was settled and calm.

When I met you I thought my drama days were over. I just wanted a peaceful contented happy life. I wanted to watch my children grow alongside you.

I was just so grateful and thankful for everything I had. I didn't once take it for granted as it had been so hard won.

But you took it and destroyed it. I thought you loved me. But you didn't. You destroyed it over nothing. A fantasy. And what hurts most is it was so easy for you.

[This message edited by Dragonfly123 at 3:59 AM, June 24th (Sunday)]

For fun I saw a physic last night. He told me that in 5 years you will be involved in something bad that devistates ]your finances. He said that he doesn’t want to say anything bad about you, but you’re not a good person.

Scary. I guess I am Lucky I got out. You have changed and moved to the dark side.

The key to happiness. Stay the hell away from assholes.

[This message edited by CaliforniaNative at 3:27 PM, June 24th (Sunday)]

Your iphone photos still sync to an ipad here, ha ha. I saw the photos of your criminal court date, I'm guessing from the night that you got super drunk and got into it with a cop? Which I also saw on those syncing photos. HA HA. You stupid ass.

I am so glad we're done. Have at him, girlfriend. Wow, you won! Talk about a booby prize.

I still hurt, I'm not over everything, but I am pretty much over YOU. My business is failing, my finances are devastated, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time, my children love me, and I know I will get through this, somehow.

I hate how you continually play the victim. Poor little you. Every thing you say starts with ME kicking you out. Like there was no precipitating event for that. You're a delusional, immmature fool. I'm SO better off alone.

When I sorted the boxes of papers (that you had a chance to take when you took stuff out of the office, but didn't) I found proof that you converted your inheritance to a marital asset.

Also, I found the letter that your uncle included with the inheritance check and it specifically said not to put into an account with marital funds, such as paychecks. I can understand you forgetting that 5 years later, but you did it when you received the inheritance in 2013!!

I had a great time randomly inserting letters from your stalker father into the box of papers I'll be returning to you. I had them all in one folder, but I didn't want you to see the folder once and throw it away. They're like landmines in the box individually.

ATTENTION ALL "STAY NO CONTACT - POST IT HERE"-ers

There is only one more post free on this 50-page, excellent thread started by Opionions Please so long ago.

This is obviously such a very useful venting space for so many of us.

With the MOD's permission, I'm going to start a new one.

I hope that you all will keep posting here and staying no contact.

With much empathy,

MOB xx