SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

french123.......That is some of the best advice I have heard one man give another. You walked through the fire and came out as a man who knows himself and understands his life and what will make him happy. I hope Walloped takes it to heart for I am pulling for him and his wife.

Thank you french. I appreciate the post.

I read your post but not all your replies I will vote absolutely do not share your posts with her. This is your place brother and if you want to share your feelings with her just tell her or write a letter. just my opinion, strength to you

"Love doesn't mean that you can live with her. Love means you can't live without her." from Anoldlion

Good way to look at this painful situation another way! - Thanks!

I haven't read all the posts on this thread but I felt compelled to give my opinion on this. Others may disagree. I have to say that I was in the same place as you are. To be honest I go back to that place on accession. It's a bitch. I feel for you. I feel for everyone on here looking for that answer or magic pill to make everything better again. I feel from reading your initial thread that you want to express yourself to her but have a hard time doing so. Letting her read your posts is an excellent way. I would copy and past them though. I would let her read everything. The good and the bad. Let her see where you were and how far you have come. From your post it sounds like she is remorseful. It sound like she is looking to see if there is a chance. She's looking for a sign. You need to be intimate with her again. If you truly want to reconcile then you need to do this. To show her that there is a glimmer of hope. You need to take back what was yours. It's going to hurt like a bitch. But it gets better. Good luck to you.

Thanks Stretch for your excellent insight you have provided in this thread. I also appreciate your continuing to contribute despite a little bit of blowback.

It is clear to me that you are here to help, and with your expertise, that can be of great assistance to those who have been betrayed.

[This message edited by Western at 3:01 PM, February 19th (Friday)]

Thanks to those of you who have posted recently. I did give an update (page 6) as to where I am now and how I am handling sharing my SI threads, in case you're really bored.

Regarding intimacy, that's a separate issue. I hear the suggestions. My IC says it's imperative we are both comfortable before resuming that portion of our lives and frankly I'm not there yet. He suggests we take it slow but build up to it. Don't ignore it, but do little things to increase feelings of closeness that bring about intimacy - doesn't mean it needs to lead there yet - but it gets things going or puts things in that frame. Slow and steady is his advice. I am following it.

Thanks again.

Walloped,

I wanted to share how I've dealt with "mind movies". There are two tactics I take that help me.

First, I just ask myself "Where am I?" I'll answer myself that I'm sitting at my desk with my hands on my keyboard or sitting in the front seat of my car with my hands on the steering wheel.

The movie takes me somewhere else - a different place and time - and this allows me to "wake up" and realize where I'm at.

Secondly, (This sounds silly but it works surprisingly well for me) I imagine a BLT in my hand.

Now, I love BLT's and I think of it with the thick cut bacon, all the goodies. My focus is on BLT rather than what is playing in my head. The movie cuts off like a light switch.

I hope this is helpful.

Walloped, you are a good and expressive writer. I have read through all your previous posts and found the emotion expressed often brought tears to my eyes. I am not surprised you are both finding it difficult going through it all together. 12 years ago (and 13 years into our marriage) when my wife had an affair with a co-worker, I didn't know about these internet forums. They were probably there bit I never found one. Instead I wrote a diary about my feelings from the initial suspicions to investigation, surveillance and discovery and on through the process of trying to get her to break contact and the recovery thereafter. I eventually offered to share it with my wife but she felt so guilty and ashamed she declined the offer. I wish she had accepted then or that I had persisted a bit longer, as now a few weeks back I discovered her conducting an intense online correspondence (not a PA, but almost certainly a EA) with an old boyfriend. She immediately broke all contact but it has brought all the anguish I felt at the discovery of her PA all these years ago right back. I realise we never really dealt with it then, and although we "reconciled" and I thought I could "forgive" I certainly couldn't ever forget. I hope that sharing your story with your wife will help both of you heal and help re-build a new relationship for you both. I admire you for what you are trying to do. Your wife obviously appreciates what a gem she has and it is obvious that despite what has happened you love her. Life is too short to lose something so valuable.

Despite everything my wife has done, I want to die in her arms. If, God forbid, she dies first I want to be the man holding her in my arms. I wish you both all the best in your struggle.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:30 AM, March 21st (Monday)]

Hello. I read all your three threads. You made quite a ride. I hope things are working out for you and your wife.

Reconciliation it is not an easy road. I know first hand. If you have time drop al ine to tell us how are you two doing.