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Has anyone ever had a psychological evaluation done on their spouse during divorce proceedings? I feel like it could be the only way to get my kids away from him and the damage he can do. I fear, like a lie detector test, that he could pass it easily. Then I would be subject to the same, and end up with the tables turned.anyone with experience?

No, we didn't have to end up doing it. My exwh is so shady I never found out exactly what was causing his bizarre behavior. But once my lawyer told his lawyer she was putting in a motion for a GAL and psych eval, he signed over full sole custody and no overnights. So if you believe there is something shady and know you are in the clear if one is done on you, then go for it. My exwh went through about a year of extreme bizarre behavior. It's better now, then again he's barely around and doesn't show up for much with the kids so maybe not better just not around.

What's a GAL?

GAL = Guardian Ad Litem.

TS68,

GAL is appointed by the court to represent strictly the interests of the children. They are independent of either of the parents' attorneys. I have a story about a friend in this regard but will post later as we are headed out the door for Sunday breakfast.

I do not see a GAL (probably the same as friend of the court in my state) being anything I want to get involved in. My husband is an accomplished liar and first class Good Guy. I do not see the family court as my friend right now, not unless I want to triple my legal bills.

Maybe, like hebrokevows just a threat would do it. But I don't feel like gambling.

A lot of people on here do not encourage a GAL being requested by a party. Let's face it, we don't want someone else making decisions on what's best for our own kids. So no, I wouldn't off hand suggest that. However, I was certain of some things would be found so i trusted my lawyer. My lawyer said, just by us telling his lawyer we are going to request it will shape him up and get you what you want and need for the kids best interest. She said worse case a GAl is hired and once the GAL hears some of this, and looks at the facts, she was confident. I was very nervous but her move worked. Combined with the psych eval, we were in good shape by the end of this. Bold move but worth it. Discuss with your lawyer.

Edited to add: this isn't working in a friend of mine's case. He didn't ask for a GAL, the court ordered it. It's w nightmare. That's why I say discuss the move with your lawyer. I'm not responsible for legal advice!!

I never discussed this move on here because I wanted to wait until the D was complete even though child custody was filed in early 2015.

[This message edited by HeBrokeVows at 9:19 AM, April 24th (Sunday)]

You can fake one easily. They go by how you are acting and saying things. It's no harder than lying to your parents as a kid. Some people are good at it and others aren't. I believe he can also insist you do one, is that correct?

TS68,

Not sure your state's laws, but where I am, if there are kids in a divorce, the GAL is mandatory. It prevents one spouse, usually the one with the means, from running roughshod over the other.

So quick version of my friend's story. And this is the Reader's Digest version because the full story spins heads. She cheated with her personal trainer 10yrs her junior. They tried R, he pulled plug. This turns him into the bad guy in her book. They D. She turns up pregnant with trainer's baby. They marry. Because she's psycho (more on that upcoming), she manipulates their youngest girl into making allegations of "inappropriate sexual" contact by my friend. The GAL basically blows this up with one word: coached.

His response is two fold. He sets up nanny cams in the house he kept in the divorce and petitions for full custody of all three kids. The nanny cam catches her in the house downloading child porn onto his computer to bolster the case. The full custody petition requires complete psych make ups/interviews/tests with everyone possibly involved. Of the 6 test administered, 4 of hers indicate she is being dishonest in her answers in an effort to "beat" the test because they are drafted that way. She is determined to be classic text book sociopath. (We've always known ) My friend has full custody now. She gets 4hours supervised visitation every month and that's only because he allowed it.

So if you are worried about him fooling the court, etc., you should know the psych tests are designed in such a way that they can determine not only the person's psych make up, but whether they are trying to manipulate/gaslight the test. Look into the Minnesota Multi Personality exam (or something like that. Minnesota in the name is key and pretty standard nationwide). Check with your attorney. Anyone with family law experience should be able to paint you a picture on this.

Good luck.

In my state if custody is contested by either party, you must have a GAL. He was also the one that ordered the psychological evaluation which was a joke in itself. We had to go about 50 miles each way and then even though the Psych eval guy said XWH#1 had issues, most of it was just overlooked by the judge who couldn't find his ass with both hands because we were his first case as a family judge. He also paid no attention to the home study, even though my son was sleeping on the floor at his Dad's, frig empty, no clothes, etc.. Lots of money for no results basically. It was all a joke. The bad thing is my DS's GAL is now on death row for murdering the DA, DA's wife, and the assistant DA. Shot them in cold blood. How's that for a concerned group of people.

I think that a psychological eval will be a waste of money and you will have to do anything that you make him do which can get very costly. I wound up spending close to $75K in the 2.5yrs it took to get the D finalized. XWH#1 got joint custody in the end and me as primary, so there was nothing gained by any of the tests they did on him or the money I spent trying to prove he didn't need custody of my DS.

Crap. Those are the kind of stories I'm looking for. I guess I just hope he loses interest. I ought to mention that he lost it a little bit today. Took my car keys, when I demanded them back he gave them to me and as I walked away did whack on the back of my head. Of course not hard never is. I recorded it and when I said you just hit me he said no I didn't.

I'm just tapped. Later he was going through my make up bag looking for toenail clippers I tried to take it from him cents he was being aggressive with it and he said you just hit me!

This is what I'm talking about crap like this.

TS68, you and the kids need to get the fuck out from under the same roof as him. He's scary.

Hitting you in the back of the head is assault. You need to quit feeling sorry for him. You should have picked up the phone and dialed 911 and had him arrested and filed a protective order or restraining order to keep him away from you. Documenting it yourself is a waste of time. You need hard evidence that he is abusive to you and every time he touches you like that you need to file a police report. It makes a huge difference in court if he is abusive and will get his abusive ass out of the home until the D is final. Do not be afraid of him. Stand up for yourself and don't take this abuse anymore. You need to put a stop to it before he really loses it and hurts you.

Yup. Call 911 everytime he touches you at all or if he threatens you at all. Try to get evidence of him saying things to back up your story but call the police EVERY TIME! I can only imagine what he will do when he's really angry and put between a rock and a hard place!

Please keep you and your kiddos safe!

Also I'm a psychologist so feel free to message me about psych testing. I don't work for the court system so I am not sure how that works but will help if I can.

TS68,

Strictly speaking, even if you did "hit" him while trying to retrieve the bag, you would most likely be in the clear. You have a right to retrieve your own property, by "force" if necessary, as long as the property is being retained by force and the "force" used is not excessive. Attempting to grab your own property back would probably not qualify as excessive. (Sticking him in the ribs with a knife? Probably excessive.)

With that said, what everyone is telling you here is 100% spot on. Any sort of assault, touching, threats, etc., should be reported to police and documented. If you are going to go to the mattresses for custody, every little event like this moves YOU closer to that goal.

Let him hang himself. All you need to do is supply the rope. Do NOT wait on this. He's gaming you and counting on you not doing anything. Deny him that victory.

Good luck.

Thanks guys. I emailed my attorney and told him. My *mo* has become simply to keep the peace in the home since my kids are around. I am not trying to protect him but so far all the things he has done has not helped in any way. Not severe enough. Great, isn't it.

I'll post what my attorney says

Actually the advice that use of reasonable force to retive problem if you are a male dealing with a female is bad. The male always loses in the end, one way or another.

If you want to search for worst possible outcome, check out "Wolfert Sisters Blog" - written by a sister of two girls that ran away rather than deal with their father, and the state returned them to him, even with psych evals and arrest for domestic violence and the works.

The best you can hope for is to be very careful about saying anything against your husband but teach them to speak openly and honestly with teachers, you and ministers about what's happening in their lives, not just with him. Learn from what happened to these girls and their mother, because everything in the law should have stopped this man from having anything beyond supervised visitation but somehow he twisted things between two states' court systems and got his way.

Wow I will read that.... We have a settlement but not yet signed but I will definately heed your advice

K8la. I read about the sisters. Unbelievable.

I do not have evidence or claims of abuse of my kids. They are afraid of him, but not fiercely. He is mean. That doesn't mean there could be things I don't know.

My stbxwh has used lewd acts to control me when angry, mostly since the divorce filing. Such as grabbing my crotch, shoving papers I had left on the kitchen counter about psychopaths between my legs, making the tongue between his fingers gesture. And comments like, when I must have said "this sucks" he has said "that's your problem you don't suck enough" or calling me abhorrent names.

It worries me to death. But these things aren't *bad enough* to hold up in court. My stbxwh is a sick man. But, apparently not sick enough.

***again, his behavior such as I mentioned above was more prevalent during the time he lived in the house as we were divorcing. But I see it as his true character. And like the mother of those girls, my stbxwh has made many attempts to discredit my by calling me crazy and over medicated. Simply to make any claims about him seem dreamed up by me.

Just writing this is reminding me how completely aweful this man is and how I need to remain vigilant. That is the hard part. I want to be able to put him behind me, mentally, and focus on my own life going forward, but the more I try to do that, the more I forget just who this guy is as I watch him drive off with my kids.