SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Silence is golden in your situation

I like your thinking Candyman!

Probably the most upsetting (to her) thing to do would be to go with our son, who is barely speaking to her, much to her chagrin. His presence - with me - would eat her up, distracting her from the funeral even more than her presence would distract me.

He's not likely to do it, but I'll ask him.

Do not use your son as a weapon. If he genuinely wants to go to the memorial for his own reasons, fine. But as a means to hurt his mother? Not a good idea and bad form for you to think about it that way. That kind of energy, whether acknowledged or not will poison your relationship with him down the road.

Keep it clean!

Sorry, but I totally disagree with candyman.

Taking another woman, to pretend that you have something going on with her, only diminishes the severity of what she's done.

She, and others, may look at that and say to themselves, "See, he's not that devastated, he's already moved on, they both were ready to move on with new people. Maybe he was already having an affair, so how can you blame her? " it won't make you look like more of a stud, Beebee, it will just lower you to her level. Don't do it!

And please don't use your son as a pawn to hurt her. It's not fair to him. I think you know that.

However, do not let her presence keep you from attending the memorial services. That just isn't right. You should go and mourn and show respect to your friend regardless of her presence. Just ignore her and stay away from her. You can do this

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 9:30 AM, November 6th (Sunday)]

I don't know where to post this. I started a new thread in the Divorce/Separation section, but I'm moved to write by things not really related to that section.

The holidays were horrible. My daughter came home from out west, it was her first visit home since the breakup. It was very hard on her, and she's going through life drama of her own: recent promotion at work (more stress and anxiety), and moving out of her bf's house because even though they still love each other they want different things in life. This is her first step toward moving back east.

She told me outright a few days into her visit that she needed me to be more of the "adult" and her to be more of the "13-year-old child" in the situation. Apparently I've been too dependent on her (and her brother), in her opinion.

She says her younger brother, who lives close to me and has been a big help to me, is having troubles as a result of being leaned on for support. too. I think she is projecting there.

I digested all this and wrote a note after she left that even strong people can get knocked over. What's important is that they crawl back, and that's what I'm doing - in my messy own way.

That made her feel better, but it makes me feel more isolated. I thought I could call my kids when I need some contact.

Oh, and speaking of messy ways of dealing with this ...

I signed up for the Peace Corps.

I know, I know - not supposed to make big, impulsive changes so soon. And I was just browsing the Peace Corps site, researching future options - then I noticed the deadline for applying was Jan 1, 2017. The process takes months and, if accepted, I wouldn't leave for overseas until Sept. 2017.

So, I filled out the application - which sounds easy but involved hours of frantic resume tailoring, cover-letter writing, lining up references on New Year's Eve weekend and getting advise and info.

I've always hoped to live in another country for a bit, and hopefully learn another language. This time may be the right time - I'm totally unattached, I'm relatively fit and there are no grandchildren yet.

[This message edited by BeeBee64 at 11:43 PM, January 2nd (Monday)]