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I have a question that maybe someone here can answer. I have no idea what goes on in strip clubs but I am now curious on how it works... Do you go up to the window n order what you want?? Hand Job, Sex, ect,? And then they take you to the room where you will get it? How does it work?? The next conversation with my WH I want to know the truth so he can't lie again! Thanks

Some of them have what's called "champagne rooms". More private than the pole and lap dance area. In that setting it then depends on how strictly it's monitored but I've read on here for the right money, handjobs blow jobs and even fucking isn't out of the question.

I'm sorry you have to be here.

[This message edited by Markone at 8:27 PM, September 23rd (Friday)]

He had sex with a stripper! He told me it just happened but come to find out he negotiated, paid n had sex with her. So, I am naïve to what goes on in there :( Thank you and sorry you are here as well!

When they're not dancing, the girls walk around flirting with the customers. Your WH was flirting with one in particular, and either she offered and quoted a price, or he asked, and she quoted a price. Then they go to the back room,he pays her,and she performs her services.

Thanks Los for words. I'm long out and healed and just here along with many others trying to pay back. Yes, he probably started with a few lap dances and then she invited him back there. Once in that room the negotiations begin.

Is it in the room or before he goes back there?

The price, and what he will be getting for that price, is usually negotiated before going back in the room.

My little sister...18 years younger...is a recovering heroin addict( 4 years clean). She was friends with strippers. One day, I spent the day shopping with said strippers,and little sister. I got an earful.

I'm sure he thought he was really something. But, in reality, the strippers think these men are disgusting. But they like the money.

In general, there are dancers on stage and also "roving" ones who offer lap dances. Depending on where you are, the degree of nudity and contact (in the main area) vary hugely.

Many have VIP rooms where prostitution occurs. I assume acts and prices are negotiated with the girl. These are not "approved" by the clubs (illegal in most places in the US), but the house still often takes a cut. But no; it's not like you place an order. The legal lap dances are sanctioned and the club (and often police) turns a blind eye to the rest.

And yes—in many clubs, almost anything can be bought.

My idiot stbx thought he was special to his favorite. She first thought he was a cop (creepy vibe I guess), then loved taking our $$. Because he often used a corporate card; she sometimes did shady cash-back stuff for him, ostensibly so he would keep paying the bill so he didn't lose his job and would keep lining her pockets. So she'd charge amounts with huge cash back.... it was awful. We never recovered financially.

The STDs weren't fun, either.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:56 PM, September 23rd (Friday)]

I had a friend in college who was a stripper. I asked her once if she ever fell for or dated "clients" outside of the job. She was horrified at the thought and responded, "The ONLY thing I think about when I am working and a particular man is focused on me is: How much more money does he have and how can I get him to give it to ME?" She made sure I understood she was only doing that because the money was enough to buy books and pay for tuition and housing. It surprises me (thinking back) that I didn't judge her, given that at that time I was probably the most judgmental person on the planet.

[This message edited by Chicky at 9:09 PM, September 23rd (Friday)]

Loss4,

IDK. I've been in several strip clubs over the years in major cities in the US. High priced places in Vegas. Low rent places near Boston (The Golden Banana for those who know who got his start there) and varying degrees in between. I have never come near receiving an offer for a paid sexual act. I mean, I've never explicitly asked either, and no one I was with ever did either.

Look, I don't know what your WH told you. But the descriptions of strip clubs as hot beds of sex and prostitution just has not been anything I've ever witnessed.

Food for thought.

It's ridiculous that his so called 'confession' has been nothing but a pack of lies all designed to paint himself as some kind of drunken victim of circumstance. As I'd said in your other thread, this confession was more than likely driven by his fear (or knowledge) that someone else was going to tell you first. Otherwise, why bother confessing when it's just been lie after lie after lie after lie after lie? It doesn't make SENSE.

I'd be letting him know that passing a polygraph test is going to be a requirement for reconciliation. Just do a google search for polygraph services in or near your city. They generally cost between $300-1,000 and will be the best money you ever spent. And he certainly can't complain about the cost of a poly when he just blew $200 or more for half an hour with a hooker, now can he?

I had a guy friend years ago who knew the area strip bars that offered more than just a beer, flashing lights and dancing girls. One was notorious for its 'back rooms' and he'd go to that one occasionally for a BJ in the 'back room.' Back then (in the late 80's) it used to cost him like $20. He didn't have the money (nor did he want to spend) a lot more for anything other than a quick BJ.

I think it's a pretty simple concept. If you've got a girl grinding on you in a back room because you paid for a private lap dance, it could have been either one of them that brought it to the next level. Either she tried to 'up sell' him and told him about the extra "services" she offers while she had him all hot and bothered, or he asked her if she offers anything else more than just lap dances.

As another poster said, I'm sure your husband mistakenly thought the stripper was 'so' into him but if she actually WERE, she would have given it to him for free. And since your ATM says otherwise, the sad truth is, he was just another wallet to a working girl, is all. Do be sure and let him know that.

And DO look up polygraph services in your area.

I think it's a pretty simple concept. If you've got a girl grinding on you in a back room because you paid for a private lap dance, it could have been either one of them that brought it to the next level. Either she tried to 'up sell' him and told him about the extra "services" she offers while she had him all hot and bothered, or he asked her if she offers anything else more than just lap dances.

My WH says this is EXACTLY what happened.

Girls onstage - but others 'roving' amongst the punters.

They can quickly spot the hot, sweaty ones with their eyes out on stalks and their toungues hanging out.

First prostitute (says he) gently and concernedly wiped the sweat from his forehead and asked if he'd like to see her dance "some place cooler."

Side room - heavy crotch grinding and rubbing her breasts in his face 50 euros.

Time's up.

Leaving him hot and horny.

"We could go to your hotel room?"

List of prices / acts - deal agreed.

Club has a pool of cars the prostitutes use to drive their Johns back to hotel room (via the ATM machine)

At hotel room - money first handed over - clothes off in a trice, into the shower for some mutual soaping and groping.

Onto the bed, puts condom on (which she provides) with her mouth - and off you go.

I found out over the ATM withdrawals.

I rang the bank with a query, they actually told me the exact timing to the minute that each of withdrawals were made....... 1.30am, 2am blah de blah.

Also he only withdrew the exact amount 200 or 250 euros, because he knew if he withdrew more, she'd have that off him as well.

It's a contract pure and simple.

There have been many,many betrayed wives here over the years, who's husbands did exactly what yours did,OP.

Treborwi...maybe you and your friends just don't look like the kind of men who are willing to pay for extras. Just because it hasn't happened to you,doesn't mean it's not quite common.

OP, there was a member, painpaingoaway, who was really great here, for many years, who's husband went to one of these sleazy places. I remember she looked it up on the internet, and they actually had reviews posted. Sex in the back room was very common. IIRC, she contracted an STD due to her husband's romp with the stripper.

Sex happens in strip clubs..heck...it happens in audit bookstores/sex toy shops too..

Thank you all very much!!! So he tells me he went in for s lap dance and had a legitimate lap dance (seriously) the he does not know who started the negotiation (seriously) That tells me he asked! but he remembers her saying 250 he paid n that was that :( so heartbroken :(

In Ontario, Canada, men are allowed to touch the strippers during a lap dance. They can touch breasts and ass, but not vagina...I was told when strippers strip in the states ( I live in Ontario, Canada, in a city 4 hours north of Toronto ), they are not allowed to remove everything, and must keep something on at all times...not sure if this is true...

Sex happens in strip clubs..heck...it happens in audit bookstores/sex toy shops too.

All those independent massage parlors, especially the ones advertising "asian" massages offer blow jobs and sex too.

Many of the owners of these places are human traffickers and these women are forced to work there. It's tragic.

I was told when strippers strip in the states (I live in Ontario, Canada, in a city 4 hours north of Toronto ), they are not allowed to remove everything, and must keep something on at all times

It depends where you live and what the county ordinances are. I live in a county in the south where there are no strip clubs. But before this one, I lived in a county where the strippers and the waitresses are full nude. In that county, they recently had a major bust of a large number of strippers for performing sex acts on the clientele. And just a county over from me now, they regularly bust massage parlors for sex acts. I'm sure the men in my quiet little religious town have figured out that they don't have to go very far...

Hello Loss4,

This crap sure is a mind-f*ck.

I'm right there with you my friend.

I have bumped a post for you:

"When the WS is into Prostitutes and/or Anonymous Encounters"

All good advice there.

Please keep reading and keep posting.

There are so many of us here you have experienced this particular type of

Hugs to you, and all of us.

MOB xx

I'm a newbie here so I'm just learning my way around here and around my own marriage. I just wanted to say that my WH went to a strip club so I'm watching this topic very closely. I too had no idea how it all worked so that makes it so easy for them to keep lying to us and we don't know what is true and what is not. My WH has only owned up to being there, having one beer, holding her, touching her and taking a bunch of pictures of her. No pictures of faces, just body parts. When I asked how much he had to pay he just said he "tipped her $20." I don't believe that for a second but it's his story and he's sticking to it.

Look, I don't know what your WH told you. But the descriptions of strip clubs as hot beds of sex and prostitution just has not been anything I've ever witnessed.

Food for thought.

Food for thought: you weren't in the market, and you didn't ask. Many, many, many of us have experience with spouses who DID, in fact, engage in sexual acts with stripper prostitutes within the confines of strip clubs--many of which were upscale gentlemen's clubs with hands-off policies and "security" to enforce this. (Things are not always what they appear to be.) Sometimes, the "policy" is that the dancers must leave the premises---go to cars, motels, etc. Other times, there are specific rooms designated for paid sex. I don't think the shower-and-condom routine described upthread is the norm; STD is how many, many of us learned of the availability of prostitutes in strip clubs.

Not that I was okay with strip clubs to begin with, but it was easier to swallow--no pun intended-envisioning my husband creepily ogling naked women gyrating on poles than to accept that he was spending ruinous sums of money on what were NOT just handsy/grindy lap dances, but full-on, unprotected sex.

I wish you were right. I really do. When I thought what YOU think about strip clubs? It wasn't all that threatening, though I thought it to be a rather puerile way for an adult male to pass the time.