SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

People make very good points. I am enjoying reading this discussion.

I'm interested to hear if any of these posters who say they never would date someone who has ever had cheated- have ever cheated themselves in a past dating relationship before marriage ?

And whether since being cheating on in marriage has subsequently caused too much pain to willingly date some who has cheated in one past relationship again.

I'm interested to hear if any of these posters who say they never would date someone who has ever had cheated- have ever cheated themselves in a past dating relationship before marriage ?

Nope. Never. The thought has never even entered my mind.

And whether since being cheating on in marriage has subsequently caused too much pain to willingly date some who has cheated in one past relationship again.

Yep. Absolutely. However, there is also a trust issue for me. I could never trust them, and that isn't fair to that person either. I would always wonder. Is there a 100% guarantee there will be no infidelity with someone who has never cheated before? No. I am not that naive. But I could at least extend trust to that person until they break it. My inability to trust a prior cheater is 100% on me. I own it openly, and I doubt highly it will ever change. But that is really no different than what I am or am not attracted to in a future partner. I wouldn't date someone I am not attracted to, and a history of prior cheating is just another variable in what attracts me. That doesn't make it right or wrong, just my personal preference.

Did not mean to say that this discussion is about a dumb question. Far from it. I was saying that about the "once a cheater, always a cheater" saying. That is glib and just outright untrue.

It depends...there are so many variables.

I don't think so, I don't believe a person's moral compass changes easily. They would have to really convince me that it had.

People don't easily change and it often takes a very emotional experience to cause a change and they can easily go back to their old ways.

I struggle with this question too.

I do want to point out something WRT those bs's who go on to date another bs and find themselves cheated on: how do we know someone is telling the truth when they say they are a bs? I've had men tell me they were cheated on only to find out later they were cheating too, or that they cheated first! Cheaters lie and try their best to make us think that their moral compasses are pointed in the same direction as ours. My X claimed his xw cheated on him. Ha. He cheated on her and lied. When I confronted him he said they were separated. Nope.

I think I'd have to take it on a case by case basis. If someone admits to it then that seems a good sign, maybe.

No - I would never consider cheating.

Here's my take - if they've cheated they have also lied. Those behaviors go hand-in-hand.

And this what I say about "once a cheater always a cheater". They might not actively cheat again but if they have ever cheated (and inflicted the pain associated with sd cheating) they cannot un-cheat.

I believe in redemption and that people can make better decisions going forward, however, if someone lied and cheated they caused suffering. So I recommit to my answer of NO - would not date a known cheater.