im sorry you have to be here but glad you found us.
first, take care of yourself. eat, drink water, sleep. avoid alcohol.
second, all marriages have issues. lets assume half are your fault. you own them. the other half are on your wife. she owns them. did her issues impale your penis in a woman? nope. nor did yours impale a penis in her.
she could have talked to you, demanded marriage counseling, gotten a divorce, etc. all legit options.
she chose with many decisions to have an affair. she chose. she didnt tell you, didnt ask you, etc - you didnt force her to have an affair. she chose it. the cheating is 100% on her. you have no blame.
third, she didn just betray you. she betrayed your daughter too.
fourth, she didnt confess. she was caught. if she hadnt been caught the A would still be ongoing. she didnt tell the truth when caught. she lied again and deleted to conceal the truth. she might find remorse later but right now shes on cover her ass mode. dont be surprised if her next move is to blame you - its a page in the cheaters handbook.
you did well recording the confrontation and running recovery software. very smart!
she needs to change her phone # so om cant contact her. add in the pw to all emails, social media, phone, etc. transparency. those with nothing to hide dont hide things. privacy is closing the door when she goes poo, not allowing a proven liar to keep their methods of communicating secret.
look out for a burner phone. many ws get one to take the affair underground.
that gym needs to go. she blew it and proved she cant be trusted. if that means she can compete then its a consequence. poor muffin.
she needs to write a no contact letter. approved by you. you send it for her then change her contact details.
she needs to write a timeline of who, what, where, when, why. give her x time to do it and tell her if you find a lie or significant discrepancy then its auto divorce but that you wont auto d her for whats in it - that you will consider all carefully first.
average advice is 4-6 months to think before you decide reconcile or divorce. your emotions will be on a roller coaster.
to consider r you need her to have remorse vs regret. she needs to go to individual counseling to figure out why her boundaries are shit and why she would make such unhealthy choices.
she and you cant have sex til both of you have full std checks. she probably didnt have him wear a condom and even if shes the unicorn cheater that did condoms arent 100% safe.
read the healing library.
post often. we are here for you.