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My soon ex mother in law knew everything about the affair before i myself found out. Two weeks after i found out, she had them as guests at her place and they went all on a hiking trip. I found pictures where they had taken together. Note that i never had any issues with mother in law. I wonder how this could happened!! Any idea why even their mothers support acts of infidelity??? I feel being betrayed by the whole family!!!

While my fWW and I never split up, it wouldn't have surprised me if MIL had known and supported the A, the NPD bitch that she was.

My fWW (her own daughter) does not miss her much, and knows without a doubt that our life is better now that MIL is gone, as MIL attempted to undermine our M for years with the help of my fWW's older sister, that we also have very little to do with anymore.

I am so glad we moved a thousand miles away from her family.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 2:53 AM, March 5th (Sunday)]

Your MIL is just basically not a good person. Now you know that she is not someone who can ever be trusted.

Don't forget that.

It adds another level of crazy to the whole thing.

I'm 5 yrs out from Dday. What I have learned is that these people operate from a different plane or level of existence. You and I cannot make sense of it because it's insanity, and we don't live in it. They look normal, but they are not. It will drive you crazy if you try to figure it out.

There was a point I wanted to know how deep the deceit level was. I found out a lot. Then, when I had enough, and wanted to begin to heal and move on, I blocked the entire family, filed for D from my WS, and tried to concentrate on my children and me. I'm sure there's lots more about the A I didn't learn , but NC (no contact) with those people mean no new hurts.

Do not let this evil family change the core of the wonderful, trusting person you are. You are "real", they are insane.

I also went to IC for a while and it really helped to steer me thru this trama.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:53 AM, March 5th (Sunday)]

My MIL have never seen eye to eye in things. We are just 2 very different people. Her husband left her for another women. When I told her "hey, your son just cheated on me." Her response was to tell me that we just were not meant for each other. Then she posted some meme on my Xs facebook about how divorce is not a bad thing (just the day after I found out about the affair). Now she is saying that if she sees me in public she will be "civil" towards me. It's so sad. Your son just tore apart his family like what his dad did, and you are taking his side.

[This message edited by HappyTree at 1:20 PM, March 6th (Monday)]

All of my in-laws knew. My ex cheated on me pretty much the whole time we were together. I still remember the pitying looks from my in-laws that I thought were a result of her being really bitchy to me, but the bitchiness came from a place of rationalization. I've forgiven them, because they don't mean anything to me anymore, but it was a painful realization at the time.

My ex mother in law was catholic and was fucking her priest. I'm pretty sure that's a no-no. Her whole family was pretty character deficient.

Your mother-in-law has her own issues. Her son was doing immoral things and she partake in it. I am assuming you thought your mother-in-law was "normal" and "decent." But parents have issues, too. It's difficult with not much details, but there is a wide range of details. I wouldn't know for sure she "supports" it or rather she just won't speak up for it being wrong, and maybe afraid of having access to him (or her grandchildren).

Some parents "just want their kids to be happy." They can't "bear when my son is unhappy." I'm thinking of my kids' friends' parents, and my own youth of my friends' parents. And there always were a handful of parents, seemed normal, but they always believed their kids. Never doubted them. Teacher after teacher might tell them, "Little Johnny did this" or "Little Johnny did that," but Little Johnny would tell them the teacher was being unfair, etc. Now most parents, like mine, if anything, they believed the teachers over the kids.

I have also seen some parents be fine with their kids taking advantage of other kids. Not sharing. Not taking turns. Apparently just care about the happiness of their own kids, even if it was unfair to others. Even though, arguably, long term, this is hurting their own kids, teaching them the "wrong" way to act.

I could never tell these parents were that way until I actually saw the situations occurring.

So what do those parents do, how do they act, when their kids grow up?

Now, I have seen some parents who have now become grandparents, and are afraid to tell their kids they are doing things wrong because they are afraid of losing some access to their grandchildren.

Bottom line, some people don't have a spine to stand up to their own kids.

She lied to you. For her benefit and the benefit of her son, to your disadvantage.

[This message edited by wk55hn at 1:17 PM, March 5th (Sunday)]

Blood will always be thicker than water, even if that means openly condoning or turning a blind eye to their shenanigans. My XMIL absolutely does not trust her son (ex), but he is still her son and only child. She will love him unconditionally until she dies, no matter what he does. She opened her home to him, OW3, and their misbegotten demon spawn OC before we even filed for divorce.

Whatever. I get it. She's his mom. But it doesn't mean I have to have that in my life. I haven't spoken to or seen XMIL in three years. I don't miss that old pain in my ass at all!

more details:

So, it is true that whatever her child does, she would agree because first it is her child, she would love him for what ever he does, but also because she is afraid to lose him. They never had warm relation, why? he has always been angry at her because she betrayed her husband even before she had children. Recently she told her son that his father did not have dignity because he could not take the decision to divorce her. So insensitive and inhuman, and lack of empathetic feeling. the father is dead now, he committed suicide after having a fucked up life. the mother lives very comfortable high class life full of hypocrisy and " religiosity" a new thing in her. they are disgusting.

[This message edited by Taera at 3:35 PM, March 5th (Sunday)]

I know for a fact that m.i.l didn't know when wifes affairs were going on. But I also know they don't want to know any of the definite reasons why our marriage is imploding.

We had a very rocky relationship early on, but her opinion of me seemed to change after she had health problems 16 yrs ago. We took her in and she lived with us for almost 2 years as she recovered.

I don't think she sees affairs as a reason to divorce, as her and her ex both played around in their marriage.

Only thing I know she ever said condemning her daughters actions was telling her " why did you go out playing around, You had a good man at home ".

I'm Distancing myself now out of necessity for my own health and well being.

Teara, it's not necessarily because they *agree* with what they did, but that blood bond will allow a whole lot more transgressions!

My XMIL hated what my xhole did. She told me that, and said she will always think of me as her daughter and be forever grateful for the grandchildren I gave her. BUT, that does not magically put me in a position above her son, her own child. I can't compete with that (nor would I want to). I have to simply accept it for what it is and make the choice of walking away or not. I chose to walk away for my own mental well being. It was the best choice for me (my kids are still actively involved with their grandmother, though).

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 2:23 PM, March 5th (Sunday)]

Toxic families support each others' bull shit, because you know, we're to blame for everything (ie their unhappiness so they cheat). The funniest thing about that is they are so nice to each other in person and trash talk them to death when they are not around.

Consider getting out of that family a bullet dodged. They don't change.

My mil was by best friend (I thought) for 25 years. She was the first person I told when I found out about the A, although I have doubts as to whether or not she already knew. She go S to church every week, and claims to be a faithful Christian.

We were at her house for Christmas not long after DDay, and my XWH refused to tell me when he would be returning home. We were supposedly in R, but he had instead that we drive separately. She told me that I was being too demanding.

A short time later, I discovered that he was still in contact with the OW.

Blocking her on social media was one of the best things I did for my own healing.

WH's stepmom (his mom passed, so basically my MIL, although WH insisted "she's NOT my mother") was the OW with FIL. WH's mom was in a nursing home and FIL took his second wife into their home.

Obviously, no problem with infidelity!

Ill never forget when i found out ex's mother knew of "emotional affair". Years of her praising how good i treated her daughter suddenly changed to how i didnt make her happy and it was pretty much my fault. Ex's family and friends are all morally bankrupt.

I too believe that "blood is thicker than water", but I promise you if one of my sons cheated on their SO, while I would still love them more than their SO, I would in NO WAY support that behavior.

Also, slight t/j.....

My ex mother in law was catholic and was fucking her priest.

WTF?????

I too believe that "blood is thicker than water", but I promise you if one of my sons cheated on their SO, while I would still love them more than their SO, I would in NO WAY support that behavior.

Also, slight t/j.....

My ex mother in law was catholic and was fucking her priest.

WTF????? (On so many levels)

Mine had sex at his brothers house. Our daughter was 4 weeks old and he hadnt even seen her yet, but had time to allow my husband over to cheat in his home. It feels like a double betrayal.

My FIL knew, befriended the OW, took her to lunch, told her to let it all play out, went on a camping trip with them.

These people are all sorts of fucked up.

I've blocked them all on social media and have no plans to stay in contact. Not sure how to deal with the kids contact as it it their only living grandpa. I'll deal with it when it comes. It's been 4 months and not one fucking word from the bastard.