It's all in the DETAILS.
I hope my story will help.
In one sense I was very lucky.
My WS confessed on her own. About cheating on me 30+ years ago. She poured out all the things she could remember.
So she came clean with ALL the dirty little details.
HB kicked in with us. Probably because she HAD turned herself around long time ago and because we have had a very good life together since that time.
More like 'WTF, you mean to tell me you really did do all that?' 
My WS was somebody that put it all in a box (compartmentilised) years ago, and got on with being a wonderful mother, fantastic partner & a loving, adoring wife.
I just had to find a way to accept the past, accept the grimy details and move on with our life.
In the months afterwards, what she had confessed to, sunk in and the gears started turning in my head (both our heads). From HB we changed.
I went to hating what she had done.
She went into a state of self-loathing.
I wanted to know more and more details. She went from being absolutely open to me about the A's, to trying to hide the details from herself. (like 'WTF, I wasn't really that bad, was I?')
Try and get DETAILS after 30 years???
Hell, I can't even remember what WE used to get up to those days. We actually both remember things totally differently, about the same events.
Also my WS was in the fog. She was HIGH. You don't remember too much when you are on that HIGH. It is all about enjoying the moment, that special feeling.
Lets just say a young and agile, pretty 19 to 25 YO willing female with virile male partners aged from 21 to 45? YUP!!! Did they do it all? Must have, over & over.
Is it worth my getting hooked up over the DETAILS? Or is it better to assume the worst I could think about or imagine, that it actually happened. If I can accept that then maybe I could move on.
So. The DETAILS stink.
Go find them out at your peril. But decide BEFOREHAND if you will be able to live with that knowledge and reconcile, knowing the very worst about that person you hold dear.
