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blitzkreig (original poster member #57826) posted at 4:14 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
The advice is to get rid of/remove (from sight) infidelity artifacts. While it's easy (and cathartic) to jettison little mementos, in what ways have you discarded expensive gifts?
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Darkness Falls ( member #27879) posted at 5:24 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
I flushed earrings he got me down the toilet. Not classy---I probably should have given them back---but I was in a post-D-day panic.
I still have the hardcover works of Edgar Allen Poe that he gave me when we were dating---not expensive though---that I'm never getting rid of.
Married -> I cheated -> We divorced -> We remarried -> Had two kids -> Now we’re miserable again
Staying together for the kids
D-day 2010
sorrowfulmate ( member #43441) posted at 5:31 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
****DO NOT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT TALKING TO YOUR BS****
Yes I am yelling. If your BS doesn't know those are artifacts from your affairs then you must tell them. You need to give them a say in what to do with them. If they want to smash them to pieces with a sledge hammer, then that is what gets to happen.
I can't stress just how important this is. If your BS finds out that you have gotten rid of them then they will ask why. Then what do you do lie? If you tell them the truth they will know that you lied by omission. If they find out later then you will be dealing with 2 lies, the one of omission and the lie about why you got rid of the stuff.
Me-WS 52 Her-BS 51 Questioningall
5 kids DDay 12/13 (lied ONS)
Dday 3/3/14 - multiple EA, PA
TT ended in October when I had polygraph
"Good night, Sorrowful. Good work. Sleep well. I can always divorce you in the morning." Dread BS Roberts
sassylee ( member #45766) posted at 6:25 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
WS Only
[This message edited by SI Staff at 8:49 PM, April 11th (Tuesday)]
My R(eformed)WH had a 5 month EA in 2012
In my 7th year of R
“LOVE is a commitment, not an emotion. It is a conscious act of a covenant of unconditional love. It is a mindset and a thought process.” - BigHeart2018’s Professor
Slolerner ( new member #57747) posted at 7:10 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
There are gifts and there are artifacts. BS asked very early what the gifts were both ways and she made the call on what happened to gifts. Then there were artifacts - items that had some association with the infidelities. Included items of clothing, stuff I owned but somehow had an association (bought in APs' presence, clothing worn while spending time with APs, items that remind me of the infidelity that have no direct connection to APs). I wish that on day one I had gone through and inventory and disclosed what each was and why it was an artifact so she could have decided then and there what to do. It would have be mush kinder to her. Since then, I have disclosed what is an artifact and why and what I would like to do with it for her input plus surrendered all items of clothing associated with time spent in As. Those she decided what to do with (charity shop).
[This message edited by Slolerner at 2:01 PM, April 11th (Tuesday)]
Me - WH, baby boomer
Her - BW, baby boomer
Serial cheater, SA, first DDay 1/2011, lots of TT and DDays, final DDay 6/2015
Married 1980
Two DD millennials
Exploring possible R
Macsecond ( member #43972) posted at 7:56 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
Things I didn't throw away I simply donated to charity shops. this also included items that weren't given to me by AP, but items that remind me of the A or the time around the A.
Me - WW (42)
Him - BH (40)
Married 18 years.
2 amazing daughters (DD10 and DD6)
DDay - July 4, 2014 (I confessed to 5 month OEA)
GreenEyedDisastr ( member #57760) posted at 8:08 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
I told my BH the items that were gifts from the OM. He choose to burn them in the yard. I threw away any items that were reminders of the AP or the A (clothing, mementos, etc).
I do believe you should ask your BS what they would like to see done with them...
WW
DD 1/4/17
"Lies are like scars on your soul, they destroy you.”
Hoping4Change ( new member #58199) posted at 9:52 PM on Tuesday, April 11th, 2017
I don't have gifts but I have an artifact...a note written in a card from a group as part of a thank you. It's the last "thing" I have that suggests a connection. I am not proud to admit it but I am not ready to get rid of it. I will bring this up in IC, but I appreciate hearing all of the other perspectives!!
Me (WW): 42
BH and STBX: 42
1 boy age 10
DDay: March 17, 2017
PA: November 2014-March 2017
Taking responsibility and changing my life!
blitzkreig (original poster member #57826) posted at 3:12 AM on Thursday, April 13th, 2017
Thanks to all who responded.
I neither reply to males nor accept PMs.
Taxi ( member #57719) posted at 8:21 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2017
My wife had a little ring that I admired. I asked where she had gotten it, and she searched her memory, then a look came over her face and she removed the ring. Her RAP had given it to her as a memento. I took the ring to the bathroom, put it in the bowl, dropped my pants and took a giant shit on it. Flushed it down.
blitzkreig (original poster member #57826) posted at 3:39 AM on Friday, April 21st, 2017
Taxi, EXCELLENT! Thank you for the laugh! 
I neither reply to males nor accept PMs.
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