SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TrustGone, right? I imagine him calling the florist - "what arrangement says 'I'm sorry I may have given you an STD? Oh, a spring bouquet with pink roses? Yes, that sounds nice. Thank you."

UGH! And I haven't even processed the comment I might want to sleep with someone! Does he really think I'd consult with him on that? Maybe he thought I wanted to hurt him, who knows.

I'm sorry you are stressing over all this. I have an idea for your entertainment purposes, though.

You know he is waiting for YOUR results so he knows if he has anything. So, don't tell him anything! Make him wait as long as possible (even if you've gotten your results). Then, let him hang! Just say, "you really should see your doctor" so he has to go through the same humiliation. When he presses you, and he will, just laugh at him. You own him nothing!

Great idea,SD. Thanks

TOC, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am once again shocked at the idiocy of waywards for risking their partners health and well being for a skeezy affair. He deserves to be left in the dark.

Try to focus on anything else while you wait for the results. Been there and it isn't easy.

I imagine him calling the florist - "what arrangement says 'I'm sorry I may have given you an STD? Oh, a spring bouquet with pink roses? Yes, that sounds nice. Thank you."

Are you sure he understood when you told him? Maybe he thought you said FTD instead of STD.

I'm not making light of the situation, just trying to make you smile. I'm really sorry to hear this and I hope all is negative. I read your thread yesterday and I didn't know who it was at first and I was like "oh, not TOC!"

AKA - mission accomplished! You did make me smile so thank you. Yes, I just keep showing up because the shit show just keeps coming back to taunt me. I must have really pissed off the Karma gods in my previous life.

HE SENT YOU FLOWERS?

Is that his default gesture or what? I actually think lillies say sorry I gave you an STD, Roses are more of a sorry I fucked around on you flower.....

Are you going to send him a cactus in return? You know a sorry your dick is going to drop off present?

HE ASKED IF YOU MET SOMEONE?

Can I line up with you to punch him.... Or maybe we should kick him in the nuts before his diseased dick drops off.

I am glad you contacted him and told him. He deserves to know that his affair is still impacting so horribly on your life.

(((TOC)))

Rosie - my God thank you for making me spit coffee all over myself!

Love ya, girl!

That POS needs a serious pineapple suppository. Here's your pineapple! I think I've still got my pigging-string around for hog-tying. Want some help?

[This message edited by Skan at 3:15 PM, April 16th, 2017 (Sunday)]

ROFLMAO Skan! I am actually imagining him hogtied with that pineapple shoved where the sun don't shine - slowly roasting on a turning spit!

HAPPY EASTER! Not sure my school nuns would appreciate my airing such a sentiment on this of all days.

I'm not sure I could resist the temptation to forward the flowers to the flea bag with a note: "XH gave me these to apologize for the STD it looks like he got from you. Happy Easter!"

But then I'm known for unleashing a nuclear shit-storm when they least expect it.

I hope the tests come back clear. The waiting is torture, I know.

Have never been so happy to have a weekend end. How sad is that?

Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

I'd just like to throw one thing in the ring, here. Well, one thing besides the pineapple...

The suggestion has been made that you do not tell him the results. This is, IMHO, actually bad advice. Bad because there's no test for men and some HPV strains are carried by men and passed to women.

If (God forbid) you _do_ have one of the really bad HPV strains and you choose _not_ to tell him then he has no chance to make the correct decision about disclosing to future partners or not. If you do disclose to him then at least he has the chance to alert possible future partners that he might not be a safe sexual bet. What he does with the information is none of your concern, you have no control. But don't deny him the knowledge about his own sexual health. That benefits no one.

I'm so sorry that this has come up. In I Can Relate there's a thread about this, I do forget the specific title right now but a quick thread title scan should make it pretty obvious.

He knows you had an abnormal pap. He knows you had been advised to get a full panel of std tests,and had done so. I wouldn't bother to contact him and tell him if it comes back that he and his diseased whore passed an std to you. He's a grown ass man. He knows he needs to get tested. If he doesn't, that's on him.

You need to go....And stay, NC with him. At one point, I think you were trying to be friendly. He's not your friend.

And..besides....He knows your username on here..you know he reads your posts. So if you post on here when you get the results, then he will know he may..or may not..have an std. That's all the informing you need to do.

That he immediately asked if you were calling to tell him you were being tested because you met someone else? Highly insulting. And clearly he thinks everything you do is about him,still.

Fuck.that.guy.

I'd agree with you, confused615, if there were a test for men. There is not.

I'm very aware of that, DM. Over the last few weeks,I've become very educated about HPV,unfortunately.

I stand by what I said. TOC doesn't need to contact him at all. Further contact with this man serves no purpose. No contact equals no new hurts,right?

If he wasn't reading her posts on here, I would agree with you completely. But he is. I assume TOC will update this thread once the results are in. So he can find out then. But she is under no obligation to tell him personally.

Oh, of course. I forgot about him reading her posts here.

So we have pretty much the same opinion. He should know and have the character to inform others in future. And she'll tell him by posting here, if she does... Good enough.

As a man, I do regret that the only way for men to really know whether they're a carrier or cleared is to infect a partner, or take a chance on it anyway, even if they disclose to the possible partner.

Don't engage with evil, TOC. Leave him alone and seize your moment.

I totally understand. My ex and his fling gave me HPV, and a dangerous strain at that. When I got the call (I'd asked for every test and they called as soon as it came back positive to set up follow up testing) I emailed her and copied him at work (she was his coworker) to inform them. My email went something like:

Hi Colorful-Adjective!

You know who I am because you fucked my soon to be ex husband. Thanks to your lackluster morals I have HPV 16, which is often linked to cervical cancer.

I really don't give a shit about you and your health, and cancer would be a well deserved thank you for helping me discover my husband is a bag of dicks. I'm only telling you because you clearly have a penchant for sleeping with married men who have young children and you're risking the lives of innocent women who are mothers. I hope you'll decide to get tested and use condoms so someone else doesn't get this gift from their husband courtesy of your filthy expletive.

Fuck off,

ADH

That felt good, I gotta say.

I had to go back a few days later for a colposcopy. It wasn't painful physically, but I lost my shit crying to my (brand new) OB. Bless that man, he hugged me and spent twenty minutes calming me and talking me through it all.

I'll say this about whether you 'should' alert them: my OB informed me that somewhere around 90% of sexually actively people will have HPV at some point. Since men can't be tested we should assume they all carry it. Therefore, men should always use condoms unless/until they know their partner tests clean and even then she could have it but it could be dormant and not found in a test.

I've since been tested again, when I was not in the thick of divorce stress, and it still shows but was not as strong a result. Hopefully my body is clearing it, but I'll forever assume I could pass it to someone else and that any partner I have could be a carrier. My ex was my first/only until we D, so I ever had to think like this before and it sucks. But it's not necessarily a sentence for cancer and most often overall healthy women will clear the virus on their own.

Hugs and strength to you. It sucks our prize for being faithful wives is this crap.

Oh, and when I told my ex in that email, he actually had he nerve to ask if I'd slept with anyone since we split (we were IHS and a month shy of D being final when I found out) and he's lucky he still owns two eyes and a dick after that comment.