SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Someone I know told me today that he went to the funeral this morning of his good friend.

I told him I was sorry and asked what happened to him, thinking it was a car crash.

Apparently his friend(48)was married with 2 children, one of whom is autistic.

He had an affair, his wife found out and he told her he would end it.

The wife was checking on him all the time( don't we all know this) and they were having rows.

A few days ago after their row in the morning he went to his workshop and hanged himself.

How tragic for all involved.

This is so sad.

Infidelity does cause many tragedies. Self inflicted or not, it is still very sad.

If I ever hurt someone like my ex hurt me I'd be suicidal. I literally don't think I could live with myself if I knew I had caused someone the level of pain I felt after what my ex did to me.

When I read these stories here of a "remorseful" WS, my personal opinion of them is if they're not suicidal over the pain they've caused then they're not really remorseful. It tells me they don't get it because if they did they'd be suicidal.

The WH in this story was truly remorseful over what he had done. I read a story of a British lady police officer who was cheating on her hubby and accidentally sent him a text meant for her AP. She was busted and they found her the next day having taken her own life with notes to her hubby and children saying how sorry she was. She was truly remorseful.

Do I want WS's to kill themselves? Nope. I really hope they don't. Would I want them to want to kill themselves? Yes. That tells me they get it.

[This message edited by CincyKid at 2:59 PM, June 7th (Wednesday)]

See, it tells me they're still selfish. I've heard too many stories of what suicide does to the ones left behind, especially the children.

This made me cry. Maybe I'm already feeling a bit fragile today (affair season ) but the thought of someone doing this on top of everything else . . . well, I don't want to be judgmental and hurt anyone's feelings here. But my god, this is incredibly sad and tragic. I just can't imagine . . .

I had a feeling that they were blaming the BS for his suicide, Apparently she was checking too much( after a month, she should have stopped, my friend said)and arguing too much.

Who knows, he could have done it not out of remorse, but because he lost his soul mate.

When my WS was suicidal I thought it was because of work problems and FOO issues. It transpired he was distraught because his soulmate dumped him.

Which ever reason it is, it was an easy and cowardly way out leaving 2 children to grow without a father.....

I agree with darkness falls, it is not a sign of remorse, more so a sign they don't want to be accountable for their actions.

It does not make amends, but rather they become a martyr. Facing the consequences and doing right by your spouse and children no matter how hard shows maturity and remorse.

I fell for the families left behind to clean up with two major betrayals. Suicide is the act of someone truly in a desperate place, often with metal health issues... which I think most adulterers must have to make the selfish and messed up decisions they make. Not an excuse but it seems common.

I know someone with the same story. Over 10 yrs ago though. Vey religious couple - were a "mentor" couple to us. Very visible in the community. Apparently he was in the midst of an A with a COW and couldn't handle the guilt. He did the same thing. Tragic circumstances before his death and then after for his widow and their teenage sons (one of whom found him). I am still angry about it and in a new way now as a BS. It wasn't enough to saddle them with the pain of an A...

I think we all agree that suicide is a selfish and cowardly way to address anything. It's the ultimate selfish act and disregards the welfare of those left behind. That's why I can see a WS choosing it. It makes them the victim, yet again. Their favorite role.

My WH has no remorse for what he did, so I doubt if he will resort to that. Very sad that anyone would handle things that way.

I've thought about this sort of thing a lot. Experiencing infidelity opened my eyes as to how truly deadly betrayal can potentially be. It's staggering to think how many ways people can wind up dead. When both wayward and betrayed are in the throes of intense emotions, very bad things are possible if not likely.

Betrayed kills wayward in blind rage

Betrayed kills AP in blind rage

Betrayed kills self in blind despair

Wayward kills betrayed to be free

Wayward kills AP if rejected

Wayward kills OBS to secure AP

Wayward kills self out of guilt

(There's even a case or two where wayward killed own children because AP didn't want them as part of the package)

It's so deadly. I don't condone any of this but people pushed to their breaking points will sometimes snap and do things they never dreamed were possible. I don't know the stats but I would assume crimes of passion are one of the leading causes of murder and suicide.

It's so sad when it happens, in any fashion. It's amazing that waywards can't see what events they could possibly be setting in to motion when they callously and frivously play around with other people's lives.

Wised up, you left out the most tragic, AP kills betrayed BS. I have seen this several times on snapped.

I think we all agree that suicide is a selfish and cowardly way to address anything. It's the ultimate selfish act and disregards the welfare of those left behind.

I don't agree that suicide is a selfish and cowardly way to address anything. (note: I'm not looking for an argument, just giving you my perspective). I was this close to committing suicide a few months ago and I promise that it was not due to selfishness or being cowardly. In fact, I felt that my wife and kids would be far better off with my life insurance money than with me. Even today, I don't know if I was wrong about that, considering what my wife tells me about how she felt when my depression was in its fully glory.

My perspective on this is that the person who committed suicide was very very sick (mentally ill). That mental illness almost certainly contributed to the affair, which in turn contributed to the mental illness (i.e., it was a "positive feedback loop").

We say this all of the time... there is something 'wrong' about wayward spouses that allows them to cheat. A lot of times, that 'wrong' thing is mental illness.

Suicide is the result of illness. It's not selfishness. Too often the mindset is that they are doing everyone a favour...they think they're being selfless. It's part of the mental illness. Often, one way of coping with an untreated mental illness is cheating. With his self medication over - the depression took over.

Suicide is not the ultimate badge of remorse in any way shape or form. It's dangerous and ill informed to say if a WS isn't suicidal they are not remorseful. Many people with issues with me struggle with suicidal ideation, sometimes on a daily basis for literally years at a time. It's a brain malfunction and it is not fun to live with.

This thread is exactly why I harp so much on what abuse is and what to do about it. I've seen a close family friend kill the AP and destroy their family in one fell swoop. I've buried a seventeen year old family member who was murdered in a domestic violence murder by her boyfriend, again two lives just over, one dead, one in prison for most of their life.....

This is no joke. This pushes people over the edge daily. Never underestimate your own ability to temporarily lose your mind and do something you will regret for the rest of your life. If you are abusing your spouse, LEAVE immediately. If you are being abused, there are resources out there to help you get away safely.

I agree that suicide is rarely a selfish venture for the person who commits it - although it sure as heck feels that way for everyone who was left behind. There is a huge break in logic/reality for those who opt for suicide, and it's generally due to mental illness. Clinical depression is something I've been fortunate to avoid thus far, but when it's real - not a temporary state of being - it is debilitating for those who suffer from it. I don't know that I'd attach mental illness as a factor for predicting cheating, but the more basic lack of concept-grabbing (they'll never know... what they don't know won't hurt them... they'd be better off without me) is definitely something those behaviors have in common. We hear about so many suicides among people we're acquainted with or at least peripherally know, and (as far as we can tell) there were no recent, hideously egregious events such as discovery of infidelity which drove a suicide, I can't imagine the horror of the ordeal (whether BS or WS or whatever) for someone with depression or another mental illness.

Hugs to all who are coping with it in any way.

So.... am I reading this correctly????

this man has an affair and then hangs himself?...

All I am hearing is SELFISH...

My WH threatened suicide as well. Selfish. Once I said if he did that I would unleash a shit sandwich at his funeral and make a slideshow of his top 10 texts (or sexts) to OW complete with pics they sent each other. I'm not proud, but he hasn't done it yet. It's emotional abuse for waywards to hold that over us - plain and simple. What would his note say? Daddy killed himself because Mommy was mean and wouldn't let Daddy have a girlfriend?

...and when a BS dies by suicide - that isn't selfish?

No matter who kills themselves, someone is left alive, hurting for that act - left to live with the pain...its so easy to say the dead person was selfish and only thinking of themselves. How can we know? My friend was attacked by her husband. Locked in the dog cage naked. He was arrested. Two days later, he killed himself. She didn't view his act as selfish...now there was no house to divide, no retirement to divide, no lawyers to pay...he left her a much wealthier widow than he would have if shed been a divorcee.

People who go so far to kill themselves - something that is so opposed to our biological and psychological make up - those people are sick. Their mental processes are so damaged, they truly believe the world is better with them gone. Its an illness. They can't see the reality of their situation...they think being dead is best - can you imagine what it takes to believe that so deeply - you actually carry it out??

People who die by suicide suffer from an illness as real as cancer and diabetes. Some of those mentally ill people are wonderful and loving and some are douchebags. Depression doesn't discriminate and choose one kind of person.