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She then asked if reconciliation was still on the table.

"She then asked if the possibility of more cake eating was still on the table."

There, fixed it for her.

This could be an opportunity for you however. If you are the kind of person who wants to know everything, you could tell her that any possibility of reconciliation would have to start with total transparency and honesty. Everyone can see her story about her valiantly resisting having affairs until this May when she finally came to the conclusion that the marriage was not salvageable is PURE HORSE MANURE.

Tell her you want access to all her social media accounts, phones, and that any lies will make reconciliation impossible.

On the other hand if you don't need to know everything and are happy with moving to D, just carry on and get your freedom from her. Maybe I'm too cynical, but her quitting her job seems like a manipulation tactic to me.

[This message edited by Limboaz at 8:30 AM, July 22nd (Saturday)]

A person doesn't get fired for nothing. And even though she was given the option to quit, she was essentially FIRED. Are you sure she didn't have an affair with a coworker and got caught at work?

Either way, continue with the divorce. She isn't interested in reconciliation, she just needs a safe port in a storm. If you take her back you will be miserable and as soon as she finds another job she will drop you like a hot rock. Stay strong.

Well I'm not reconciling. That offer was off the table weeks ago. I just find it hilarious that now she is willing. She lost her job from poor work performance, being late almost every day because she was putting so much energy into her phone relationships.

Last night when I asked her how serious she was about staying with me I told her that if she doesn't love me why would she want to stay? She didn't know. I told her not loving me was a deal breaker; it was over.

One thing she said that really stung was when she said she just wanted someone to love her. WTF? I loved her for 20 years....stayed right here...stayed faithful...gave her all of me. In other words she was telling me she cheated because I didn't love her yet not one of her 3 affairs were about love. Is this not the shittiest thing you've ever heard?

Also she supposedly stopped communicating with everyone yet she won't show me her phone so that right there tells me that is a lie. There is some much TT going on here and gaslighting that it makes me sick.

Amazing what people will say when their life goes to shit. I'm pretty certain I'm going to get screwed in the divorce hearing now when it comes to finances. Even though she technically quit her high paying job.....I'm starting to wonder just how much worse this can get.

TF37,

Check into imputed income for voluntary job loss, for both child support and alimony, in Kansas. I believe it exists, and I don't think that her recent job loss will effect you as much as you may think. Also consider subpoeaning her work records to for reasons for her dismissal.

Thanks drumstick. I was thinking about that....it may help me out to know the real reason about what happened. I'm telling you the 180 works if you stick with it.

Keep it up fish. You need to stick to your guns. It's to early to turn away. She is a cake eater at best, and once she realizes her life is going to change drastically, she will do and say anything to get you to change your mind, in the meantime not show remorse or even do the basic for reconciliation. Don't be plan B. Don't be her soft landing..

She's not telling the truth. Something smells fishy. It's too early. Keep the 180. Serve her the paperwork.

[This message edited by LifeCanSuck at 1:44 AM, July 23rd (Sunday)]

I finally convinced her that she needed to leave. She had the audacity to suggest sharing the house until she found a permanent place...ie I stay at my parents when she has the kids and vice versa. I'm so tired of her expecting me to compromise for her shitty choices.

I said no I'm not leaving. She will have to figure out her end of the parenting plan until she finds a place because I'm not leaving my damn house. I was finding it so hard to 180 when I'd see her getting all dolled up to go out and shit to do who knows what. It was just killing me inside. I have got to start detaching because I've still got 45 days until this shit is final.

It's a strange feeling to loathe someone and love them at the same time.

TF37, good for you on getting her to agree to move out, once she is out you can get your home and life back into some sort of order.

Questions

Are the children staying with you, when she leaves, I take it at the moment wherever she is going too it is not suitable for the children as well.

Do you know if they prefer to live with you and not with their mother even if she finds somewhere suitable for them and her to live?

Have you explained to the children why you are splitting up, and she is now moving out, and you are divorcing, I think they are quite old enough to be told the truth.

Can I ask you once again as you did not say, did you both tell the children together or only one of you, if both did, did you have to correct anything your EXW said, because she is/was trying to rug sweep to hide the details, how much of the truth did they get told.

Have you exposed her yet, as I think you should not cover for her, it’s her consequence to face not yours; it’s not your job to protect her any more, now you are divorcing.

And finally you now know she has had three affairs, is she expecting you to believe all of these were from only May supposedly when she got up the courage to cheat, I posted and said before, I believe she has been cheating on you all the time, all those years before, and not just in this short period of time, would you agree this is most likely the truth and it’s coming out in TTs.

Regards BJE49

I applaud you for standing up to your WW Fish.

I don't really have any advice.

I just wanted you to know that I hear you.

E-hugs from one IHS-ee to another.

MOB

BJE49

We told both the kids together and they now as of yesterday that she is leaving tomorrow. My DD actually said it was for the best that we weren't going to live together anymore. So it has been long overdue. I want it to happen but I know it's not going to be easy.

The kids are staying here until she has a real place; I think they prefer to stay here with me because thus has been their home but that may just be because it's all they know.

I have begun telling the truth as to what she did to me and our family. I couldn't hold it in anymore; she has been telling people I wasn't enough for her sexually...which is making me furious. That's her reason for wanting a divorce. It is making me feel even more inadequate and of course she doesn't care or think those feelings are justified. But then again she hasn't given a shit about anybody else but herself this whole time so what did I expect her to say. I'm not lying for her and you're right I've always believed that everyone should face the consequences to their actions. And she's about to finally get a full dose because I'm not holding anything back. If she wanted my protection, compassion, and security she shouldn't have been out getting banged like a screen door in a hurricane.

Thefishman37, so glad you are outing her, what a terrible and spiteful thing for her to say about you, she must have forgotten about all those years where you more than adequate for her.

Have to say I hope the children decide they want to stay/stop with you, as I don't think their mother is a good role model for them, sounds as if you are unsure what they want, now is the time to find out, ensure they know how much you love them and would love them to stay with you and look after them, that you won’t ever let them down or hurt them, that’s if that is what you want, and it is not bad mouthing there mother either, although she deserves it, you can worry about the how’s, how you three can make it work fit in without to much upheaval later, first off you need to know if they would like it too.

Rooting for you and hoping they see you as the better prospect/option to love and care for them.

Regards BJE49

It depends on the days. Some days, I cry all day and some days I feel a bit better. My husband is leaving me for his best friend's wife!! He met her a few months ago, spent so much time there and I let him because of his severe depression. She even wrote to me once telling me not to worry, that they were keeping on eye on him , so he wouldn't do anything stupid. All along, she was making passes at him and finally convinced him that he should try with her! My d day was a week ago!! He is still living here but texting her and seeing her I guess. We don't really fight and we try to make things ok for the kids but I am just so sad. A part of me wants it to be over soon and another part of me doesn't want him to go. It's been a crazy year and I was miserable and thought of leaving. Now that I know what as been going on and why I was alone all the time taking care of everything, it makes me so sad. So, for now, he is staying here until everything is settled and official. Days are awful but at the same time, i am not ready for him to move out.