SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you H. for being truthful.

Tomorrow I will join a Breast Cancer Support Group. No more forum. After my H. Posted his feelings about it I can not in good conscience continue to write in any other forum then SI

It made me weak.

No, your lack of self confidence and low self esteem made you weak. Your boundaries made you weak. Your coping skills and resentment made you weak. Not your husband and his problems. Your problems. Problems that existed long before the dead bedroom.

From your first post

This is exactly what I did and I thought he did as well during the last 6 Years.

you made it clear that things have not be going well since before the affair. It is obvious to all of us here that it hasn't and you didn't think so. You seem to come across that it should have been done with. Rugswept. Not happening because the R has been false. The resentment kept you and him from moving forward.

Have you ever thought about why you registered here and posted? You seem hell bent on proving that your beliefs are correct and you are the victim.

Why does it have to be one or the other? You seem to ignore the fact that you are both offender (adultery) and victim (cancer). Just because you are victim, doesn't mean you can not offend. Period.

Gasp, what? How can I say that?

I was sexually abused for ten years by multiple offenders. I was raised by wolves AND I was an offender. I did things that hurt people deeply, people who loved and trusted me. I am guilty of a multitude of sins actually.

Being a victim does not give you an excuse. Logically you may be able to look at something and logically see how the pieces fit together, but that is no excuse.

Very young children know that it's wrong to lie, steal etc. You knew better, and chose to anyway. You seem to have great difficulty owning that.

When a thread does not go the way you believe it should, you abandon it. (the thread prior to this is the perfect example). I pointed out to you that what you look for is what you see and even proved that you husband does in fact do loving things for you.

You're either trolling for attention or you are committed to the path you are on. We can learn from any human being we encounter, even when we don't agree with them or we dislike them. I think you would be well served by some introspection time.

Spiral I am not sure what you are wanting. However, cheating causes the dynamics of the relationship to change. It is possible your husband may not feel the love he once had for you. I am not saying this to be harsh to you, but the reality is realizing your relationship could be over with. It's a chance you decided to take when you had your affair. You may resent your husband, but having an affair only made the situation worse. Infidelity is not something people just get over with. It is a very long process.

The OP will not be returning to this thread.

I would have kicked the friend out too. And your H should understand.

Hi bravesgrl01,

Please don't take this too harshly, I mean this as advice and not a put down.

You've been bumping a lot of old threads, this one in particular is from a poster who has since been banned (I think) at the least won't be back.

I completely understand your looking to contribute, have a voice and take an active part in the discussion which is a really good thing. And reading back over old threads can bring out some really useful info, but all these old threads resurfacing is cluttering the board a bit.

My personal recommendation would be that if you see something from an old thread that spark a thought or something for discussion, consider starting a new thread to rejuvenate the discussion.