SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

No.

My husband died last year. He didn't cheat on me and he wasn't the one who brought me to this site.

I would have rather dealt with infidelity too --- I can't bring my husband back and I yearn for him everyday. 41 year old's are not supposed to drop dead on Fourth of July weekend.

Sadly, I almost found out what would feel worse. My H had a heart attack 3 months after dday. This happened while our DS was in some sort of medical collapse. I had both of my loves unconscious lying on either side of me and had to decide who I would perform CPR on and save. Thank God my DS regained consciousness. I saved my H. Yes, my cheating wayward H.

I thank God every.single.day that my H is still alive. I forgave him (see my tagline)...doesn't mean I am over it or rug swept the A. It means that I would rather be going through the pain of infidelity with him as opposed to the pain and finality of death without him.

[This message edited by shellbean at 1:07 PM, October 3rd (Tuesday)]

amitheow, I am so terribly sorry for your loss of your dear husband. My deepest and most sincere condolences.

Reading KingRat's posts kind of brought a little bit of irony to my mind. Please, I am not doing or saying this to shame anyone, but the irony just struck me and I wanted to share and get your thoughts.

The question of this thread, I guess, is would we rather our spouses died (being faithful) on d-day date or would we rather we found out we were betrayed on d-day, and they still lived? What would be easier for us? Many have stated it would be easier for them to deal with the spouse (who they love with heart and soul) to die. Does this strike anyone as just maybe being a wee bit selfish? Can it be compared to selfish WS thinking that fucking around is easier than dealing with their issues? Does this remind anyone of the Bible story of King Solomon, the baby and two mothers? Isn't that a lesson on what love really is?

Sister,

I do think it is selfish. It's also just self protection to a degree I think....wanting to escape the pain. I don't think it would be good to stay at that place mentally . I'm not even condoning the feelings but they were my raw feelings regardless. I also had feelings of wanting to die myself. I would rather die than experience this pain. Many BS have had those feelings too.

It's not a realistic choice. Both would be hard. I realize that. Think there is a certain grief to mourning the loss of your faithful spouse. I will never be able to say my H was always a man of integrity. That he was faithful. That he always stood by my side to our children . That he always put his family first and protected us. I mourn that loss.

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 3:13 PM, October 3rd (Tuesday)]

((((Jesusismyanchor))))

but they were my raw feelings

I understand.

I also had feelings of wanting to die myself.

Yes. BTDT.

I knew you Would understand SM. You are also right that is is selfish. This is an ugly messy business

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 3:25 PM, October 3rd (Tuesday)]