SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She replies that none of "these people" know her or her heart

But we do know her actions. And from that it is fair to say that we do know what is in her heart. Her actions have not been loving. Her actions show continued deceit, essentially furthering the betrayal. Her actions are selfish, self centered. With all of this are we are to believe that instead she feels shame, guilt, remorse?

The only thing she has done is change jobs and change her phone number. She changed jobs only after your threatened to kick her out if she didn't. She gave her former coworkers her new phone number making the change hollow.

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In what you have said about her and all I’ve read she is only focused inwardly on her and how the affair has affected her.

A remorseful wife would only be focused on how her actions have affected you. How they have hurt you. If she were remorseful she would be feeling your pain not hers.

From what you have written she does not feel one ounce of the pain you are going through.

Until she does, there is no chance for R.

you are wasting time and money on IC and MC.

Is the OM paying for it, or is she? You should not be paying for it.

Go with the D.

After the D is final, if she changes, maybe, but I do not see it.

Get out of infidelity.

you are wasting time and money on IC and MC.

I don't know yet whether this is true r not, but it feels true.

Is the OM paying for it, or is she? You should not be paying for it.

I am paying for it. Looks like I was also paying for everything related to the affair as well.

Go with the D.

Going with the D.

After the D is final, if she changes, maybe, but I do not see it.

If we get to the point where the D is final, that will be it for me and her. No reconciliation after that point.

Get out of infidelity.

Amen brother.

No, this is how the incident happened.

Her affair is like this: I'm walking along a highway when a reckless driver crosses several lanes of traffic, hits me and sends my body flying through the air where I proceed to get run over by several other cars.

The reckless driver, stops, looks at me in the road and before driving off says, "Sorry about that. It won't happen again but you should be more careful where you are walking."

Then she drives away and leaves me bleeding to death. Twenty minutes later a policeman turns up and informs me that the driver of the car reported me for jaywalking and wants me prosecuted.

When you later meet in court, she informs the judge that she is sorry she was caught but cannot empathise with your life threatening injuries and really wants to forget about the whole unfortunate incident as she wishes that she can now just get on with her life and not be bothered by a whining cripple.

No, this is how the incident happened.

Her affair is like this: I'm walking along a highway when a reckless driver crosses several lanes of traffic, hits me and sends my body flying through the air where I proceed to get run over by several other cars.

The reckless driver, stops, looks at me in the road and before driving off says, "Sorry about that. It won't happen again but you should be more careful where you are walking."

Then she drives away and leaves me bleeding to death. Twenty minutes later a policeman turns up and informs me that the driver of the car reported me for jaywalking and wants me prosecuted.

When you later meet in court, she informs the judge that she is sorry she was caught but cannot empathise with your life threatening injuries and really wants to forget about the whole unfortunate incident as she wishes that she can now just get on with her life and not be bothered by a whining cripple.

That's cold. But sadly accurate, even in the hypothetical.

She doesn't care about how it made you feel. It flips your entire world upside down and sends it spinning. She doesn't want to be uncomfortable with thE pain she's caused you.

Well, she sounds like she needs some IC. I don't know your wife, but she may not know how to handle the guilt. She actually sounds like my H, he doesn't see the point in "feeling" things out. He is a "what's done is done, now let's see how we can make the future better". HOWEVER, he does answer my questions, he is in IC and in MC and is finally seeing where his vulnerabilities lye within. Him being largely void of emotions, well, was a coping mechanism for when he was little. It's a very tough thing to identify, break, and restructure their thinking.

However, the thing is, you could come up with 500 possibilities of "what it feels like", but you know, they won't ever actually ever known. They won't ever really get it, just like we won't ever really get why they did it. It's chasing a unicorn. I think you need to stop trying to find ways to describe it, and she needs to start finding ways to just acknowledge and even understand your feelings. True apologies for making you feel the way you do. She will or should hurt to see you hurt. If this is going to work, she has A LONG WAY to go.