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I haven’t posted on this forum since about July. At that time I was still just separated then she filed. We are about to finalize the D with 50/50 shared custody. Long story but today I ran into a dilemma and I need some input. So here goes.

I just found out my soon to be ex wife and the mother of my children who left me for a real scumbag. Is in a nearby town screwing around with a married man. Not her current boyfriend he is at home. This married man was the person I caught her having an affair with about twelve years ago. Then this spring I caught her gaslighting me by telling me she was going to spend a few days out of town with an old girlfriend. I found text on her phone at that time and they were from this married man. I told her in order for our marriage to continue she would have to contact him on speaker phone and call things off between him and her. She did he freaked out all worried that I would contact his wife and expose them. I promised him that if they ever contacted each other again I would do just that. My soon to be ex erased his number and they blocked each other on social media. He the married man even blocked her and me from his wife. He was in an utter panic that his wife would find out. My Dilemma is this should I contact his wife and expose his cheating ass. I can call his wife at work tomorrow and clue her in. Or I can use a new unblocked Facebook page to contact her. Or since I am almost finished with divorcing my wife should I let it go. I could also leave a note on her new boyfriend door who has no clue and expose my ex to him as well. I have the kids it’s my week with them. She tried to tell me she took two days off and traveled 300 miles to be alone in a motel room. She is a major liar. I brought up that I knew he was there with her. And she didn’t even deny it. She told me it was non of my business. However we are still married and I did promise that asshole I would tell his wife if they ever contacted her again. My stbxw is obviously being very promiscuous. Should I expose them or let karma do it for me?

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 11:00 PM, November 6th (Monday)]

You should have exposed him to his wife in the first place. She has the right to know what a piece of shit her husband is in the first place. Why didn't you? Letting someone continue to live a lie is a pretty shitty thing to do.

YES! Call her at work that way you know she gets the message.

Yeah man. Light their world's on fire. Roast marshmallows 😎

I wish I had I was more worried about reconciliation with my Stbxw at the time and I thought we were taking steps in the right direction. I was also in a major daze anxiety depression suicidal I lost my job because I couldn’t function. I could come up with a million excuses. Now I realize that I should have exposed him then. But this post is not about then it’s about now. I don’t want my whore ex back I’m in a better place emotionally, financially,physically and I get to see my kids as much as could be expected. I also get some satisfaction knowing that the man she actually left me for is being cheated on as I write this. Her true colors are showing. The question is now do I follow through with my threat? Or do I let Karma catch up to them both? Do I call her at work or to I send her a PM. I actually did try to email her back in July I used a website that gives you info on people the email I was given after I paid money was old and the message did not go through. Then I forgot about the cheating asshole cause she left me for someone else who was single. And now she is cheating on him.

[This message edited by Iscreaatthesea at 11:33 PM, November 6th (Monday)]

You should’nt be asking this question. Karma does not happen by itself sometimes it needs a push. At a bare minimum the other wife needs to be informed. The OM maybe not.

Don't tell the OBS until after the divorce is finalized on terms you favor. After that--burn it all to the ground.

Could telling the OBS right now effect the divorce outcome? If it could wait until after the divorce is finalized. If it will not then you need to tell her ASAP. Let her know that you had tried to contact her previously and the ways her husband has tried to block your contact. Do not tell your WW that you are doing this, just do it.

As far as her current boyfriend. He won't believe you no matter what you say.

Don't contact thru FB, bc I get a ding on my phone for every FB message. You'll never know if she got it or not.,

Call her at work and be prepared for her to not believe you at first. Do you have any proof to show her? iIf not, its ok. but maybe you could tell her when/where they meet so she can have a heads up and contact a PI, or have a friend follow him. So many times on SI, I have seen the OBS grateful they were told, bc they had their suspicions, or they could gather proof b4 the affair went underground.

Let us know how it goes.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 4:06 AM, November 7th (Tuesday)]

I would tell them both (OM and OBS) as soon as the ink dries on the D papers. It sounds like she used OM as an exit affair in order to get to married OM. She may have been using him as a cover to hide the fact she was seeing married OM. I would have to let this all out of the bag. OBS should know who she is married to before she wastes anymore time on him. I so wished I had someone to tell, but OW was already D'd when I found out.

Expose that piece of shit. If not for yourself, do it for the rest of us on here! Do it for the poor other betrayed spouse! Fuck him up like he did you!

Until her signature is on the dotted line, don't say shit to anybody. Once she signs, tell them both.

Wait until after the divorce decree, then shout to the OM's wife and the whole world what a bimbo your xWW is.

I agree with waiting until the D is final, but definitely tell the OBS. She is living a lie and you, by virtue of knowing, are complicit in that lie. She deserves to know the truth about her WH and the fact that he could be risking her health with STDs. After all, if he is screwing your STBX, how many more As has he had??

I was told by someone else about Xhole's As and am eternally grateful. I WISH someone had told me about his first one (15+ year LTA).

Tell her boyfriend as well. He probably won't believe you, and that is fine, but it is the right thing to do. He needs to know he is a victim of the old saying, "If s/he will cheat with you, they will cheat on you."

But wait for that D to be final! You don't need any last minute problems by an outraged STBX!

Once you tell both, let it go and go dark. In other words, don't beat a dead horse. You will have done what you need to do and the rest is up to everyone else. If the exposure blows up your STBX's world, oh well! Sucks to be a lying whore!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:12 PM, November 7th (Tuesday)]

I'm going to get my ass kicked for this.

How do YOU best walk with integrity? Many people on here say that it is a justice issue and we are bound by integrity to tell the other OBS. There are a few here that believe that their integrity is based not on acting out of spite or revenge or inserting themselves into someone else's marriage. There are pros and cons for both. (although most will tell you I'm full of shit and you should blow them up- as you can see from the other responses.) I personally don't believe in the post that said to "do it for all of us here." - Living vicariously through someone else's administering of justice does not seem like a healthy mindset to me. Additionally, I feel like the statement creates undue pressure for you to 'do right by the crowd' when doing right by your own integrity is more important.

So if you do expose them, are you doing it for yourself or for the OBS? Do you believe, as most people here do, that the OBS deserves to know and not live in the lie? If so, I agree that you should wait until the D is final for safety for your situation. I think Phoenix has a lot of good points and advocates telling for the right reasons.

Or do you believe, as a very small few here, that it's not your place to insert yourself into their situation it's not your circus anymore, then you let it go and let her actions blow up in her own face. She trainwrecked her relationship with you. She'll trainwreck the rest of them until she gets her shit figured out. The best revenge is a life well-lived. Fuck 'em.

You have to do whichever lets you sleep at night. And once you decide, then do whatever you've decided and don't 2nd guess yourself.

[This message edited by Minnesota at 2:57 PM, November 7th (Tuesday)]

She did he freaked out all worried that I would contact his wife and expose them. I promised him that if they ever contacted each other again I would do just that.

Seems you've already thrown down an ultimatum. So are you a man of your word or not?

I agree, wait until she signs then light it up. I wouldn't tell the new BF, he deserves what he gets.

I've never seen where helping hide their affairs gets you much.

You should have exposed the first time.

Definitely expose their affair.

How would telling now influence your divorce?

I can't imagine that exposing the A will effect the D, except possibly causing your STBXW to try and drag it out simply out of spite.

If things are pretty well locked down with the D, I would find a way to contact OBS and expose them. Gather any proof you can find and give it to her. Try to reach her through her employer or through certified mail. Facebook or emails can always be intercepted, especially if your STBXW knows you figured out what is going on. She probably warned him to be on the look out.

OBS has a right to know. You can't change the fact that you didn't expose before. But, you do have the ability to tell her now.

As for the other OM.... Ugh... Part of me says don't even bother to tell him. He won't believe you anyway. And, he knew he was getting involved with a cheater. But, then there is another part of me that thinks he too has a right to know, for his own physical health and well-being. Just because he is the OM, doesn't mean he still isn't a human being, flaws and all. Again, if you have firm proof, then perhaps you could send it to him anonymously.

I vote to expose to both OBS and new boytoy. However, you may also want to wait as others have said. Do you think for STBXWW would make things more difficult if it comes out? If so, then wait. If not, do it today.

Whether it is "your business" or not, the others in the relationship have a right to know. It is definitely their business.