SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have made peace wit alot of things my husband has donr. It still hurts on a scale from 1 to 10 like a 7. But two things I really don't understand and can't wrap my head around. My husband reached out to escorts the day I saw his Apple watch I saw at midnight he had reac he d out to 5 escorts staying "you are gorgeous I would love to meet"the next day I saw one responded and I don't know if a hook up occurred that day. It was that night I confronted him. Why would he go from cheating on me wit a girlfriend who they talked all day said I love u everyday and had sex 1 to 3 times a week at his office went out yo eat and he buy her gifts occasionally and occasional overnights in hotels. At the time they both said they had said it was over bit that's a lie as 4 days before I found out and confrontes him they had sex. They argued about lack of trust all the time and were on and off at times.

Also 6 months after finding out about affairs we were fighting daily and I found texts to a waitress 21 years old asking for sex and she said ok for exchange for financial assistance. I found out 3 weeks after the text exchange confront es them both and they both deny ever meeting up and I wasmonitoring his phone with spyware and was able to see for the following month there was no contact yet he did mention ahvign a second phone which I did see ...to contact her. He told me he just told her that.

Why would a man want to pay for sex? It's so low. I don't understand his thinking and 2hen asked he said he was being stupid. What does sex for money or escorts provide that his lol girlfriend didn't provide? He stated when I caught him that he needed emotional connection and sex followed ok but escorts and a sex for.money arrangement doesn't offer these things.

I sure don't have all the answers. I never read the "I can relate" forum that deals with that stuff because I don't really wish to talk about it much, and I guess a big part of me does not want to know all that my XH did or why he did it.

But from what I can see, my XH was really so damaged by stuff like his upbringing, sexual abuse and porn, and the actual prostitutes he was with, that I think he actually believed it was "normal" for a woman to cater to his every sexual desire while he mostly did nothing for the woman.

I think those prostitutes told him he was the greatest and he actually believed they were serious and he was not really aware it was all an act. It baffles me to no end because he is an intelligent man about some things.

I remain baffled that there are women out there who want this type of man but there are. He married the final OW about 23 years ago but is now cheating on her with someone new.

So why would this new woman want a sex addict who has cheated his way out of two marriages? I suppose she is stupid and does not know about the "sex addict" part and believes a bunch of lies about his unhappiness in his two marriages. Well, if she is enough like a prostitute maybe he'll stick with her for a long time (but will still likely cheat on her; but there is a case where what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? Just being a little sarcastic.

The topic strikes a nerve with me because even though I divorced him a long time ago, he is the father of my 3 children and his latest actions sicken me and remind me of something that I would never even want to think of ever again (a husband who regularly paid prostitutes...yuck).

Hugs to you and sorry you have to deal with this.

Why would a man want to pay for sex?

I had this conversation once with a close, female friend. We curiously had opposite opinions (I'm very sex positive; she probably is too).

My opinion is that I have no problem with a woman accepting money for sex. I mean, hey, if you can make money that way and you're cool with it... go for it. In contrast, I think that it'd be no fun at all to have a woman "want" you because you gave her cash. I don't think that I'd be turned on, at all, no matter how physically attractive she is.

My friends opinion was that she could see how a man would want to use get off... but she thought it was creepy for a woman to accept money for sex.

There are a myriad of reasons why men will seek out escorts.

They're a sure thing, as compared to hanging out at the local watering hole and hoping to possibly meet someone for some NSA sex. For some guys, they have a secret kink or fetish they haven't told their wife or girlfriend about and can indulge in it with an escort without embarrassment or judgment. For some, they're not looking for an emotional attachment/girlfriend - they just want sex without all the attachment and effort that goes into having an affair. For some guys, they're willing to pay a few hundred dollars for a highly attractive escort because they know they can't attract someone who looks like that out in the real world. For some, they get off on the degradation factor of paying a woman to do their sexual bidding. And for some, it's just for plain convenience - sex on tap when they want it as long as they can pay for it.

It's often said a man is REALLY paying for a hooker to go away when he's done, so there's definitely the advantage of the anonymity factor with escorts. Realistically, it's not like the hooker is going to show up on his front doorstep and demand he run off with her into the sunset. They're a pretty safe bet - if a guy DOES get caught, it will be because of something he did that gave himself away, not because the hooker 'exposed' him to their wife or girlfriend.

I think his nonsense story about needing an "emotional connection" is such a crock of crap. That ridiculous excuse was designed to make him look like a poor, desperate, tortured, unloved soul who was just looking for love in the all the wrong places because you deprived him of it.

What a boatload of crap THAT is.

Well, if you want sex like right now, and don't want to go through the hassle of maybe lucking out on some dating app or at the local watering hole, it is a quick and surefire option. But impulse buys like that are bad idea, better just google pornhub and take care of business on your own and save yourself hundreds of dollars.

Yes it's just odd to me as I never thought WS for the type of escorts or to proposition someone 14 gets younger than him sex for some financial assuatance. It screams low self esteem and I just don't know...i asked what he was thinking he said he wasn't he saw it pop up online (claims he was on pornsite and a message pooped up) then he went to the websute. Says he was flirting and wouldn't risk his job. I believe he met one of them as he was acting funny the day she response for his inquiry by saying "yes I am available today call here." That morning he stopped vy.my job was giggly and acting wierd. I believe he met the escort. No proof just my gut. It hurts my mom said just try to look at it as another woman he slept with and with a condom to ease my pain.....vs paid escort....plus I don't know for sure if he actually went chickened out, cancelled etc.

Escorts seem such a low way yo go when I r getting it free already from multiple sources but you are right it's effort free.

I've never seen escort services pop up on pornsites. Usually just camgirls or links to the latest and greatest singles dating site. I think people usually go to backpages or craigslist to get an escort.

Yes I know he was lying l. He was on some sort of escort site. I tried finding the women on backpage and they weren't all 9n there, maybe it was Craigslist. He claims eh didn't know they were escorts yeah right 5 tests seconds apart and all of them were escorts. I know he will never admit to it.

Bump for insight..men?

My $0.02...

Men pay for sex because:

1) They are lonely inside (or a loser) and this makes them feel manly and viral.

2) Just plain fantasyland for them.

3) Not satisfied with sex at home.

Just a hunch, but I'd say this covers 90% of the reasons.

Well yeah we weren't really having sex during my high risk pregnancies , also he was getting sex free from the women. I can only th ink his girlfriend was becoming annoying with the constant breakups and he wanted to have a guaranteed lay without the effort of getting to know someone and constant texting and up keep a affair requires. I use to think he cared about her but he cheated on her and had a woman he would meet at her house for sex in the middle of day....he would just leave his job and have sex with her and go back that is it.

Well....a married man that see's escorts is a cheating kind of man obviously...

I have a couple single friends that see escorts on a regular to semi-regular basis.

Both of them are divorced. mid 30's with good careers. Most women would probably say average to above average looks. Both of them have said that they were married before, have no interest in being in a relationship again, enjoy female companionship/sex but don't want any complications in their lives and have the financial means to use escorts regularly.

For them its like having a first date with a hot girl and sleeping with them on the first date, but not worrying about calling them the next day, or some girl calling them and bugging them etc....

I once went on a "double" date with the one friend and a pair of escorts. He paid. This included dinner and a upper scale restaurant then drinks and music at a blue's club after...these ladies were i would assume higher end escorts. It was frankly fascinating to me, talking with the lady all night. She was very open about herself and her life. I can totally see the draw, she was outwardly the perfect date.....Yeah, i can see how guys would love it. At least at that level. I would have to assume that your backpage 30 minute "date" is alot different.....

I have no moral qualms with a single man using escorts. Personally i am more of a relationship kind of guy. But i see the attraction.

If you have any questions about it you can ask me.

Thank you Mizu it quite frankly blows my mind but I guess it makes sense it's easy sex no strings attached. For my WS it was about the sex. Approaching a 21 year old for sex and she agreeing for financial support is sort of a kind of sugar daddy mentality and I don't get it. I wouldn't want to be with someone if I have to pay them. Even if it's all pretend but hey he is good at compartimilizing and probably thinks she or they would be all about them when they really would just be speaking a script they spoke to many other men that day, week or month.

So top reasons easy sex, lonely, not getting enough sex..so men seem to have no moral issue with this? They don't see the women as somones mom.or daughter or possibly or possibly drug or sex trafficked victims. That's is crazy to me because we have 2 daughter at the time 5months and 17 months but i honestly dont think he bonded with them and became a dad until about a year and half ago.

Agree.

I know for me, I've never used one or had any interest in using one. Its too easy to meet someone if I wanted to.

1 way

At the same time, I can see how some dudes are set up from childhood to think a certain way. An example being that its a mans responsibility to take care of his woman financially. (I dont think thats true, but i have heard it out of the mouths of men and women).

Take that a step further, and the woman is asking for help with the 'light bill' from the dude she's seeing. The understood expectation is that sex is off the table unless he pays that bill.

Take that a step further and you have guys paying for an escort, because, hey, its either that or a light bill or phone bill, and this way its cheaper. Its the only relationship they can afford.

Not saying its right. I dont think it is right. Just saying that I've seen and heard it.

And, course, that isnt all dudes, and probably not your situation at all.

2 way

I have heard another saying, and that's 'you [the men] pay for sex one way or another '. If a fella was of that mindset, then, its also easy to see how he could mentally get to the idea of his sex life being transational. Especially since its expected fudes pay for everything during a date. Not saying all women expect it, but enough do to make it the status quo. Then it becomes the cost of a date vs the cost of an escort vs the cost of continuous dating during a relationship vs the cost a marriage.

So... theres two different schools of thought for the same results. . Theres probably four more ways yo get there i dont know about because i dont care enough to know.

Not saying either is right or wrong. Obviously in your case it's a definite wrong by your wh. Other cases? If I'm ever a judge, thats when I'll decide.

Hope this helps!!

NTV

The situation that i described, and your situation is completely different obviously...

The kind of man that see's other people/escorts, whatever when in a relationship is not a good man in my eyes period.

For my two friends, they basically see it as the ultimate no strings attached encounters. And basically they pay money to ensure that its no strings attached. For them it is worth paying money to make sure that their is no emotional attachment. Or at least minimal emotional attachment. That is how they see it.

They both dealt with infidelity in their marriages. They both have no interest in dealing with a relationship of any kind, at least at this time. They both obviously enjoy sex, going out on dates etc but live their lives for themselves now and don't want to let others into their lives.

I believe that one of them will probably meet someone eventually and turn away from escorts eventually, i think that its a phase for him. I think he will want more eventually. The other one....Personally i have never seen him as happy as he is with his life now, Honestly i think he is living his life exactly as he wants now.

To me their is no justification for a man in a relationship to use a escort or anything of the sort.

Lets make up a relatively common scenario that we hear all the time.

Man says that he is dissatisfied with his sex life at home. My first response would be what is said man doing to make his partner feel sexy, interested etc. What is he doing to help his sex life in his marriage, is he talking to his partner, have they discussed this, have they gone to a sex therapist etc....

If said man has/or feels like he has done all he can to cultivate a enviroment of intimacy and his partner is just not interested for whatever reason, then i would say "divorce". Either make the best of your situation or leave the situation. Those are the two options. Cheating is not a option

I believe it is a depraved human that pays for sex. Especially considering the sex trade abuses in our world.

A very sick one who needs a lot of help.

Whatever 2 consenting single adults (over the age of 18) do is none of anyone business IMO...People barter for sex all the time. Men barter with currency (not all, but some), women with affirmation (not all, but some).