In the mean-time you must protect yourself, your kids, and your assets. Take her name off of everything that you hold jointly. Set her up with a separate bank account that you allot money to. Keep possession of the home and kids. If anyone leaves it should be her, not you. Take over all finances, bills, and accounts. Put a tracker and data logger on her phone. Get access to all of her accounts; i.e. email, facebook, everything. Clamp down on her activities and behavior. If she doesn't like it, tough sh*t. Do it anyway. See a good 'mens' lawyer ASAP and see what your options are. Educate yourself on divorce and post-nuptial agreements. Stop paying for her education. She has time to screw other guys so she has time to get a job and find funding for herself. You are not her daddy anymore.
Good advice.
My wife was severely abused as a child and never addressed it. She hooked up with a 2x convicted child molester and got involved in a swinger's lifestyle pretending to be married with child molester. She would find tributes for the molester (legal teen and women). She reached out to men on CL on her own too. Her default was repressing memory to avoid stress. If I would out her to anyone, she'd become violently physically abusive, out of control.
I was a paratrooper, firearms instructor and though definitely not HeMan, I can certainly hold my own. I had never swore at my wife or yelled at her... well that went out the window.
I've cussed her out, said she was no different than a crack whore but he difference is a crack whore at least gets money for being a whore even if its just 5 dollars.
I went over to the child molester's house and was going to take him out with a 30'06. Thankfully he skipped town...
Even through all of that, I was very very careful what I did physically to and around her as she accused me of abuse.
Carry a voice activated recorder with you or on your phone when you're around her or if you feel something is getting emotional. Store that stuff on an external storage site that only you have access to.
If she has a phone full of other men's contact, you know what she's up to.
Document EVERYTHING you can. Including that your son was with her in her home with another man. That is unsafe risky behavior for children to be around.
I'm a penetration tester. As soon as I knew there was a child molester involved, nothing was out of bounds. If she's in your home and you're not separated, there are some huge grey areas legally. There's software you can install on her phone to track all keystrokes, GPS location, phone calls, chat messages, take pictures stealthily etc... It may require rooting. If you cannot root her phone there are more limited software out there.
I absolutely do not suggest separate counselors. Real life example, my wife went to another counselor and was trying to make the case that she was being abused by me. I showed up one day with her to the counselor (big surprise for both). He asked her permission to talk to me and stupidly she agreed. For the next 15 minutes I unleashed at her activities, punching me, gouging my chest, ripping my clothes off, attempting to take illicit photos of a minor for child molester... lol the guy's jaw was dropped like wiley coyote. You see, she had only told him about "a" fling she had with a guy and not a pattern of disgusting out of control behavior. To the point where he didn't believe me so I pulled up the offsite image storage and showed him screenshots on CL of her advertisements, text screenshots etc. He asked if I'd ever abused her... I told her before this, I'd not even swore at her. Said after D-day, I've yelled and swore at her for refusing to tell the truth, claiming not being able to remember, and refusing to leave our home if she's going to continue. I asked the counselor, how do you handle it when your spouse refuses to leave, refuses to tell the truth and says you're abusing them because of it. I said she's pulling the victim card after setting off a nuclear explosion and still pointing the gun at me. He asked why I then don't leave... I said can I and keep custody of my children if I leave them in the home or take them with me and she claims abuse and that I'm trying to take her children?
The counselor brought her in, asked her some very pointed questions about her behavior and she admitted to it all.
Counselor then stopped and referred her to what he said, a long term sexual addictions therapy that had emphasis on childhood traumas. He said he could continue to see her, I or both but that it wouldn't help anything if the root isn't cared for. Long story for, I wouldn't at all go to different counselors ESPECIALLY if she's bipolar.
As bad as everything I've been through, my wife and I are still together and we've been in meaningful and real recovery since the beginning of the year. My wife is doing heavy work towards her healing and she has the innocent admiration in her eyes again towards me. I can see it in her eyes and know that it is real.
Right now you need proof and a case to cover yourself for child custody. How many women claim abuse especially when they think they're going to loose their children? Do you want your child growing up with a mom who has a revolving door? Do you want that child under your wife who can't control her emotions and you're not around to balance that? Is that the future you want for your child? Do you want some other man parenting your child?
She has control over you and you need to take your life back, take control of the situation and get on the higher ground. Reconciliation works when the offended controls the terms, not when the cheater does.
If you allow her to continue this, you'll despise her and one day hurt her. How can a real man take the fact that his girl is sleeping around like a whore? That causes rage, hurt and confusion in a man and you've got to get control of the situation.
With that said, you need to start journaling for yourself. Make sure you eat, sleep and drink... If you've got to sleep in another room, do so. That will help not compound how you're feeling with exhaustion. Take up a new physical hobby, cut her school and reclaim your time at home with your son. Take him out if you need so its just you and him but be sure it isn't perceived as stealing by telling her you're going out with him and when you'll be back.
I reached out to every OM I could find and told them to go away. BE CAREFUL if you choose to do this. I knew how to make a point without outright threatening. I also didn't blame them, I blamed my wife. She reached out to them on CL, they were just fish in a pond and she was fishing. Maybe wrong idea but it helped me not kill someone except for the 2x convicted child molester.
Hope this helps you... there are other men who have gone through almost exactly what you are going through. You will be able to reclaim your life, you will be able to dream of the future again. You are on a 2-5 year path of healing whether you stay or leave her. This is a path that only time can heal. There are no shortcuts or ways around it.
