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brokenviking (original poster new member #61746) posted at 6:12 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
How are you holding up today?
It's pretty stable. And perhaps a bit too normal.
She is staying the course, saying she wants me and is sorry. She is attending therapy and she has a long way to go. A lot of her shame is deeply buried and only surfaces every now and then. I believe her and she is doing somethings right but she has trouble meeting my expectations of what "the work" is. I should probably also admit that blaming her effort is a way of escaping the work I need to do. If she "fails", I can divorce her and not take any responsibility in that. Which is perhaps not entirely true.
The rollercoaster is still in motion of course but the highs are lower and the lows are higher. Right now I'm in a slump and I think I'm getting closer to anger. I can feel something brewing in me but it's not quite surfacing. I've begun resenting her sometimes and I'm questioning if I can forgive her. We have sex quite often but I have a hard time kissing her. I'm as sure as I can be she has remained NC - her phone is always lying around and I check everything I can. But if she truly wants to hide something, she can. But she says she's happy it's out in the open, she was done and admits she was lingering in the fog.
I'm quite convinced that getting through this is to a large extent an intellectual exercise. The problem is, the heart seemingly have a hard time listening to the brain.
brokenviking (original poster new member #61746) posted at 6:13 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
Probably slight t/j, but I think it is relevant.
What is t/j?
DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 6:17 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
I should probably also admit that blaming her effort is a way of escaping the work I need to do. If she "fails", I can divorce her and not take any responsibility in that. Which is perhaps not entirely true.
The thing is, after what she's done to you, you can divorce her no matter what effort she put in repairing it afterwards. You have no obligation to R with her.
@DDay#1:Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32; M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: 2016; Dday#2: 2017 Dday#3: probably ~2025 Aug
4 APs that I know of.
On the way to divorce.
DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 6:18 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
What is t/j
Thread jack :)
(I puzzled over this one for a while myself :) )
@DDay#1:Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32; M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: 2016; Dday#2: 2017 Dday#3: probably ~2025 Aug
4 APs that I know of.
On the way to divorce.
brokenviking (original poster new member #61746) posted at 6:55 PM on Monday, January 15th, 2018
@Darkholeheart
True. Maybe I’m thinking of the obligation to myself.
Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 6:27 PM on Tuesday, January 16th, 2018
Good to hear you're doing better.
BH
DDAY Mar 2014
Widowed 2022 - breast cancer
CincyKid ( member #57948) posted at 4:11 AM on Wednesday, January 17th, 2018
You spoke of not seeing a lot of remorse out of her, or at least not as much remorse as she should be feeling. You know why that is? Because there were ZERO repercussions for this affair. Literally none. No repercussions = no remorse. Other, and even more disturbing possibilities as to why there is no remorse is that she's not sorry about the affair or she doesn't feel bad about the pain it caused you because she doesn't care enough about you to feel bad.
Regardless of the reason, no remorse = guaranteed failure of R.
Betrayed, life over...
Life goes on...
Met sunshine girl, fell in love...
Reconnected with wonderful DD...
Married sunshine girl, happy as can be!!!
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