SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Are you asking about boundaries? total transparency; regular accessibility when not together --reachable by cell; control of money matters, patient and considerate and honest response to my comments and questions about the betrayal and everything and anything else, i.e. complete, radical honesty.

Not quite sure if I expected so much as required/wanted things of H. I required that he not have anger fits; that he be kind and courteous. required that his bad feelings stopped trumping mine--required that he act like a normal, decent, honest human being. Hmm, guess a requirement is an expectation if by that we don't mean we assume that expectation will be met. We have it, we express it and we react a certain way if not lived up to.

Did everyone here make a list for the WS (wayward spouse?) about what they expect?

Never sat down and made a list but in the early days after DDay I spelled out what I needed from him. Marji has a list similar to mine. For me, it boiled down to a few things: transparency (all account passwords, no social media, phone whenever I want to see it, GPS tracking, etc.), boundaries (as in, reestablishing proper boundaries with women he knows - he's always been inappropriate flirty - and establishing firm boundaries with new women he meets), counseling (faithfully going each week), changing behavior with me (giving me the respect I deserve) and continuing to work on whatever issues crop up through my triggers, etc.

Yes, I was asking about boundaries & expectations from here on out. This really is such a journey. One day I am ok and think I can handle this and move forward. Days like today, I haven't slept and have to force myself out of bed!

My IC said to inform WS parents just due to all of our history. He has played the victim roll with his family & I don't have much of a relationship with them. She suggested it for healing purposes & also stated what have I got to lose!!! How many of you informed family or friends after d day?

I didn't ask that my BH tell anyone back 6 years ago when I had first DDay, I was ashamed and rug swept (unhappily).

This time around since it had escalated beyond "calling sex lines" to going to meet prostitutes I drew a line in the sand and kicked him out.

If we had reconciled then I think I would've included that HE tell the family, in my presence, what HE did. From what I gather, reconciliation is a gift from a BS and a WS who is all in should comply with pretty much everything the BS demands in terms of getting through this mess.

I have started to slowly tell people I trust about what happened to our oh so perfect marriage. Since we are on route to "D" I don't give a sh*t what he tells people but eventually those close to both of us will know the truth and he will have a rude awakening.

I'm done feeling like I did something wrong and covering his shameful mistakes.

I think that is what I am feeling like I've done something wrong. According to him as you may have read I did. I just think it's something I need to get off of my chest before I have my baby. He embarrassed our family, not me! Thanks for you insight.

How do I find the emotionless infidelity group?

Emotionless Infidelity can be found in the I Can Relate section. Great support there!

double post

[This message edited by 234empty at 5:20 AM, January 4th (Thursday)]