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uxorpatricius (original poster member #59933) posted at 4:52 PM on Monday, January 29th, 2018
NVT - and us dudettes often say way toooooooo much. At least I know I do. 
Maybe that is how we all grow and stretch here.
My Grownass Man update (called him that just for Devastateddee): My husband undid two of the three demands this weekend. It was probably wise to not take on the whole war all at once, but to use his energy on the biggest battles. He did it with clarity and without backing down. And he is protecting our marriage and our kid's futures to be treated as adults as well.
So far it is quiet in FOO land. I am going to just enjoy emotionally coasting a bit - not snow myself into thinking all will be rainbows and unicorns now. But just to allow for some recovery time.
The third battle can wait until they demand it again. And they will. Control is clearly an addiction, especially for one of them.
Reconciling and mostly doing well now.
D-Day Summer 2013 - M 20+ years.
Our children - young adults
Me: BW -3 years of IC.
Him: formerlyWH, Mr. Uxor still in IC by his choice.
uxorpatricius (original poster member #59933) posted at 4:27 PM on Friday, February 23rd, 2018
Update:
Aaaaand they persist as if he said nothing. No surprises there. Right?
He is persisting as if he did. And he is getting more advice from his IC on healthy boundaries since his inclination is now to act out in the same bad behavior patters that they are exhibiting.
His IC and our MC both predicted that once he makes a stand, other not-so-difficult siblings would join in on growing up in their own marriages and family. BUT in stead they either go silent or get co-erced to join in.
I feel bad for good ICs and MCs when what they predict doesn't turn out that way.
But at least they are sticking with us and working on new strategies.
I am posting a story in successes, though. Because through all this chaos, he had listened to me on a need I have, and made me first.
Reconciling and mostly doing well now.
D-Day Summer 2013 - M 20+ years.
Our children - young adults
Me: BW -3 years of IC.
Him: formerlyWH, Mr. Uxor still in IC by his choice.
Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 7:34 PM on Friday, February 23rd, 2018
I read your post in the “Positive Reconciliation Stories”...very nice 
!!!
A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!
From respect comes great love...sassylee
uxorpatricius (original poster member #59933) posted at 7:45 PM on Friday, February 23rd, 2018
@Want2B
Thanks!
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine....and this medicine can be very hard to swallow some days.
Reconciling and mostly doing well now.
D-Day Summer 2013 - M 20+ years.
Our children - young adults
Me: BW -3 years of IC.
Him: formerlyWH, Mr. Uxor still in IC by his choice.
DevastatedDee ( member #59873) posted at 7:51 PM on Friday, February 23rd, 2018
I'm glad to hear he's becoming a grownass man, hee hee!!
DDay: 06/07/2017
MH - RA on DDay.
Divorced a serial cheater (prostitutes and lord only knows who and what else).
uxorpatricius (original poster member #59933) posted at 9:28 PM on Friday, February 23rd, 2018
DevastatedDee, good to see you! I was just thinking on the great names that show up on here...
I can't be on much lately, so I think I will wrap for the day with my latest greatest name for him (Smashing what you and HopefulKate use for spouse names, together).
Mr. GrownassUxorMan
Now, how do I keep a straight face with that kind of crazy 
in my head when I see him later. And he does have a cute grownass. So....
Reconciling and mostly doing well now.
D-Day Summer 2013 - M 20+ years.
Our children - young adults
Me: BW -3 years of IC.
Him: formerlyWH, Mr. Uxor still in IC by his choice.
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