I hope these help and don't hurt in an un-healing way if they are too similar:
I heard, "I forgot my wallet and had to run back to work." Truth - He would forget things at work on purpose.
"I was on my way home and got a call from a client." Truth - He did, but texted at the meeting and met her after.
"I can't catch lunch. Already ate early. I had a meeting right after." Truth - Lunch with her, then a meeting with her. They had work crossover.
I also had the car trouble, getting gas, bad traffic that you likely had.
"She forgot paperwork at the office, I had to drop it off at her house. She is really a forgetful person" Truth - and the criticism hid the lie. She forgot the paperwork on purpose. Didn't call him, called someone else to ask who could bring it to her, but he was the only one available, she already knew that.
He also had a just a verbal flirtation with a friend of mine. They would talk about her husband and her sex life. He knew her husband through business. This friend was not the person he had the full blown affair with. Those lies looked like this (let's call the friend, Bychie, to keep it simple).
"Bychie stopped by the office with a gift for you. She said she couldn't reach you. We talked about her husband and the kids. She was thinking we should all get together soon. I am pretty busy though." (Yes, he would have the conversation, then avoid her...guilt? just and ego trip? who knows.)
His secretary said, "Bychie keeps dropping in. She is really using up a lot of his time. So I asked her why all the drop ins. She said all of you go way back and are like family. I asked your husband. He said it was true, but he didn't want to be rude to Bychie. He wants me to tell her he is on the phone next time? What do you think of all of this?" and it was true, we had all been friends for years...Bychie, when confronted, told me it was my fault that she was tempted to flirt with him, because she did that because I didn't answer her calls and texts fast enough. Bychie once showed my husband what she was wearing under her skirt...if we are family, is that incest? Hmmm...
He flirted that way with one other woman at about the same time. He said he thought it was flattering, but not really an affair because he would cut it off, and just feel good about the idea they were attracted to him.
My hairdresser. I sent him there to get a hair cut when his own barber went out of business. She showed him the photos from her vacation she showed me...then she showed him her "other" vacation photo album. Much more graphic.
He also came home that day to ask, "Do you think hairdresser has real boobs?" I said I didn't know. I found out later that she offered for him to feel her new set. She is now on her third marriage.
To his credit, he got scared on both of those situations. Switched to a new barber, and had his secretary start telling Bychie he wasn't available ( she had her husband call him to come pick up papers at their house once after that...Bychie didn't want the attention to end.) But he didn't tell me what was really happening, then ended up full blown affair about a year after.
But the hardest thing was learning how the xOW helped him hide things.
They would plan what he should say. His text, "Not fair. You are teasing me with that photo, I am right in line to check out of the hotel with my wife."
Her text, "So, delete, then tell her you don't feel well, and have to run to the rest room, if you want more photos."
He says to me, "Here is my wallet if you need it, can you check out? I don't feel so good, must be breakfast." Breakfast had been heavy and greasy....a half truth. I saw their texts on the OWs work phone about a half a year later. He was deleting. She was screen shooting and filing them.
He switched to soap like her husbands, so he could shower at her place during the work day. Her idea.
She showed him how to Facetime at night from WIFI so it wouldn't show up on phone records. He didn't even know what Facetime was. I was stunned at how much he knew about technology so fast that year - like teens! She was teaching him and they used it to hide the communications.
He shopped for lingerie at the same store for both of us, so there was only one receipt for me to see. He gave her two thongs. He gave me half a dozen, matching bras and clothing too. How messed up is that?
My point is that when people lie in affairs, they not only use half truths to cover, they even teach each other how to lie, especially the more experienced at deception they become.
I hope none of that is too triggery for you. But I also understand your need to get your brain to reveal what may be similar. I wanted to know everything too. I don't like missing puzzle pieces when it comes to my own life.
And I wanted to know how to sniff out the lies in the future.
[This message edited by uxorpatricius at 3:51 PM, January 25th (Thursday)]