I don't know why I never noticed this thread before, but I wish I had earlier. I guess better late than never.
I thought I had gotten to a place where only a few things still bug me but I underestimated how easy it is to let yourself get dragged back into feeling as though you never mattered, and were forgotten.
It's been 16 months since they got married. Long story short, he cheated, we were going to reconcile and sort it out. He told me he still loved me, but that was a lie. We weren't married but together with 3 kids for 23 years, house and a business. He didn't show up for my birthday. I found a picture of him and a different woman in a bar the night of my birthday. I confronted him and he said he'd been dating her for a week. I told him I was done. He flew to Vegas, took her with him, and 8 days later married her. I got a surprise phone call asking about MY marriage. They knew each other 14 days. He dropped his prior life like a hot rock, and never looked back.
I took him to court, a year and $25k later, I got a good settlement, the paid off house, and he got what he paid for...her.
I have never spoken directly to her or met her. She is a narcissist just like he is and the settlement ruined their plans of world domination. I left them heavily in debt, and paying me for years to come.
I have a hard time dealing with hearing about them. Her name in a conversation immediately causes me to become withdrawn, and moody. I don't want him back, but it still hurts in ways I can't describe. He took her places, spent tens of thousands of dollars on her, lavished her with attention and I did all the work.
Our kids have limited contact with him, and she controls everything in their fathers life. He's shown she is more important than any of his children and if they don't accept her then he doesn't contact them. His adult daughter has nothing to do with either of them and refuses contact. Our biological daughter has had numerous abrasive interactions on social media, and then they blocked her. He can't contact me, or even email me. He calls me "Mommy Dearest". I will never understand how he walked away without a single tear or moment of compassion or care for me. He treats me as though I never existed, but the payments he will make for years will remind him I'm very much alive.
Her existence in this world causes me pain, but I know in my heart he isn't capable of genuine love. He is a coward that didn't want to be alone, and he was infatuated, and she also left someone to marry him. She's been married at least 5 times that I found, and suspect possibly 2 more. They are equally inadequate as human beings. I resent that they have been on vacations, spent thousands of dollars on expensive food, and fun, while I have no budget for these things. I have no retirement as I was home for a long time raising kids.
Karma may not come quick enough for me, but I believe it's slowly happening. He can't afford to leave her, although they are still in the honeymoon phase. She lives across the US away from him and comes for a week or so each month. They are up to their eyeballs in debt, and he has to pay child support and the settlement for years. He's had a double hernia, and now has a cataract in one eye. He now has glasses to go with his asthma and diabetes. I think it's poetic justice. He was paying all her bills, and paid off a ton of her debts while we were "divorcing". Now she is working for his company and having to earn her money. He now has 3 other people living with him in his large rental house. He owes the IRS I'm estimating over $200k. I think he's going to blame me for eternity for standing up to him. I was the meek type that just took his crap, but once I recovered enough to breathe I fought him with an attorney and caused the two of them so many issues at one point she left him. He sweet talked her into coming back. I wonder how long that will last.
I just want to be able to someday be genuinely happy, with no thoughts of him and her, and what they do together.