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Newest Member: davids3511

I Can Relate :
When A WS Leaves For Their OP Part 2

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hopefullife ( member #71881) posted at 9:49 PM on Saturday, July 23rd, 2022

Whenever I think about what if they fought to keep us, my mind brings me back to that post someone said in this thread a long time ago that while being abandoned hits deeply and differently, in the long run we are way better off than those who are trying or tried to reconcile. It's case to case for each of us, but I see that clearly for myself how that's true. Things are where they're supposed to be. I was spared time of trying to reconcile an irreconcilable marriage.

I'm still affected by the trauma at times, it's not 100% gone but it's rare and I'm doing great. I have never wished them harm but now maybe I can even say I wish them well. I hope the cycle of traumatizing others ends with them, hope their kids become unlike their parents and grow to be loyal and moral individuals.

It takes time and strength, but the farther you go the better it becomes even if it seems impossible to get there. Stay strong, everyone.

10 yrs together. 2 yrs married. No kids.
2 Ddays. H living with OW and their child.
Focusing on self.

posts: 402   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2019
id 8746055
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DailyGratitude ( member #79494) posted at 2:05 AM on Sunday, July 24th, 2022

@hopefullife
Thank you for your post.

I read your story and I am sorry that you had to go through the horrific journey of betrayal and abandonment
The progress you’ve made is incredible. I don’t think I can EVER wish my ex and the AP well…..this two cheating lying dirtbags do not deserve a good life.
I am healing but have serious doubts that I can genuinely be happy one day. However, your post has given me a glimmer of hope.
I hope I can get there one day.
Thanks again for taking the time to write.

Me: BW mid 50’sHim: WH late 50’sMarrried 25 yearsDday: EA 2002 PA 9/2021Divorce 10/2021 (per wh’s request) WH left to be with AP

posts: 314   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2021   ·   location: Connecticut
id 8746073
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Solarchick ( member #80222) posted at 6:41 PM on Wednesday, September 7th, 2022

Question: Do I belong here?

The WXH ended up marrying the OW after I kicked him out and D'd him. I'm sure he would have waivered back and forth between us as long as one or both of us permitted him to behave that way. He wanted to be with whomever made him feel better at that moment. While he did end up marrying her, that leopard hasn't changed his spots - meaning now, he cheats on her. I don't think he did one single moment of introspection and just continued his behavior into his next relationship.

It's funny, but I didn't and don't feel any need to get any type of revenge on her, because she brought it all onto herself. I KNOW how awful it is to have to live with him. And he's alllllll hers now!

But he didn't necessarily leave me for her. As a matter of fact, when we D'd, he had a job with the state where he distributed the list of legal events, including marriages and divorces, to the local newspapers. He omitted our divorce listing so that he wouldn't be pressured into marrying her. He actively HID OUR DIVORCE from her. I think he's pathologically allergic to the truth.

Me: BW, 56, two awesome grown sons. Remarried in 2010. That lasted 11 years.
WXH: Not even a blip on my radar anymore. I'm glad he's messing up the OW's life now and leaving me alone.
D (with cause) in 2004.

posts: 86   ·   registered: Apr. 11th, 2022   ·   location: Hilton Head, SC
id 8754226
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