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Im not home yet. But should I confront them together?? And if so what should I expect???

Expect a ton of what you're already getting. Lies, lies, and more lies.

Don't divulge how you know or exactly what you know but definitely let them know that you do know.

Also, work out the possible scenarios and your response to them so you don't get blindsided.

They could deny and lie (what I think they'll do).

They could say he slept over but it's just platonic. To me it doesn't matter if they were having sex or not. They were lying to you and being together. That's cheating.

They could say you caught us, it's all true, we're in love and want to be together.

Think through the possible responses to the confrontation and plan your strategy accordingly.

I would also advise you to confront her alone. If you need to confront him do that afterwards and also alone. There's a reason why the police don't question people in groups. They separate them, confront, then compare stories.

What I do know is you do need to confront. No sense in spending even one more minute of your energy in a relationship that may not exist.

Good luck my man!

You do not confront them together.

By ghosting I meant just drop all her crap off on her doorstep and never talk to her again.

But if you want to confront it should be just her. DO NOT REVEAL YOUR SOURCES.

At best this was an Emotional affair. She was lying, doing things she knew were wrong, that you wouldn't approve up. I'd confront in person but separately. I'd also allow her to do most of talking, just feed her questions to keep her talking. Then I'd do some checking with her there. Ask to see her phone and check her text/call history. Ask her to pull up her last phone bill on the computer and see how often they talked on the phone. If she refuses any of them, let her know that you know she is still lying and doesn't seem to want to save the relationship....

Alternatively, I'd just end things. You know this was way more than an emtional affair. You know she is capable of lying and cheating and you've got to know you can do better.

Good luck.

Hust wondering whats wrong with confronting them together??

Why do you think that the police don't interrogate crime partners together?

It could get ugly or violent that's why.

They will lie, deny, make you look like the crazy jealous boyfriend. Two against one.

Confront her alone.

Then ditch her.

ANNB I would be the one to get violent lol.

You can do it like this and play a bluffing game. When you are at you're girlsfriend place go to the bathroom and call you're friend. Say that you know everything, that she told you all. Probably he will come clean, or at least he will immediately call you,re girlfriend. Or try to lure them like saying : i know you did anal and 3some's. Maybe she will say she did only regular sex...

It must be hurtful for your spouse/partner defend your friend over you. Especially in this type of situation. Not sure how people can still fell good about themselves after doing this to their partner or spouse....SMH and feel like they are the victims

I guess if you want some kind of satisfaction out of yelling at them then confront them together. If all you want is the two of them out of your life then just confront her. Give her whatever stuff you have of hers at your place, ask for a key if she has one to your place and tell her to let her new boyfriend know he can have as many sleepovers as they want now. I think he'll know your friendship is over.

[This message edited by beenthereinco at 2:18 PM, February 9th (Friday)]

Since she is able to invite him over, I assume you don't live together.

Before moving to how to confront, noted that since you were told, the question still is how did the friend find out?

Based on the information you obtained, you already did confront her prematurely (other words without solid proof).

BTDT, worst mistake you can do it allows for her to deny anything happened. Oh well, live and learn.

Since she denied anything physical happened (based on your post), the fact she didn't deny that he did come over means the mutual friend did know something.

The question again is how did he find out. So unless another person was there on this particular night, one or both of them told or showed one of your inner circle friends something.

Otherwise how did it leak out.

First question to her: Who did you tell and when?

If she says no one, then she's either lying or your friend is bragging to one of your inner circle friends. If a guy is going over to his friend's GF house, do you think if he got shutdown he would brag about it.

The thing is other people know, and these so-called friends kept it a secret (ONLY to YOU). At some point your friend heard about it or he's known for up to a year when it happened.

Next Question of act: Go see her and ask her to pull up her call history on-line or request 1 year of bills.

The traffic should mostly be between you and her girlfriends/family. It should not really include his number.

Do you have a laptop? Does she have an apple phone? Download ITUNES on your laptop. Android: DL Smart switch.

Download Dr. Fone by Wonder_______ Do a search for it.

Run the software on your phone for practice.

To note get a copy/backup of her phone. Don't let her do a factory reset. Under Dr. Fone you will if she has deleted the messages, what has not been over written will be under UNKNOWN.

If messages between them are there will be under their name. Watch out, his number can be hidden under a false ID Name. Search for his phone number.

The fact if she won't give up her phone or let you see her facebook messages is good enough.

ONLY Do this last one if you really think you need to:

Get a VAR put a cheap earbud on it and cut off the earbuds (it silences the beeps) leave it where she would talk if you weren't there.

After you leave, she will call him or her BFF to complain that you know more than you should. After 2 hrs come back, and retrieve it don't let her see you take it.

Know this you're not married to her, this is not a court of law, it you're getting a bad vibe that she's lying to you, then get out.

Find someone else, I know this is harder than it sounds but committing to someone who has poor relationship boundaries doesn't get better after Marriage and kids. The fact she allowed this (and not leaving out your STBX friend) should tell your gut to get out.

While AffairOfPast has a lot of good advice if you want to find out what is really going on here my question is do you really care? She is a liar. She has poor boundaries at a minimum. She is just a GF, you don't even live together yet. Why put yourself through all of this for someone that thinks having "sleepovers" with your friends and hiding that from you is a good idea? Cut your loses. Get away now.

He told him about it. Thats how my other friend found out

Hust wondering whats wrong with confronting them together??

It gives them time to get their stories straight and know just what the other told/did not tell. They are able to play off of each other, they don't have to worry that one or the other might have "sold them out". If you do it separately you will be able to compare stories.

Also, while you are the victim it will be two against one and you can be made to feel that "you are the crazy one." The story that they never fooled around ... is crazy making. But if you have two people saying it to you .. and you are the only one that thinks it crazy talk...

On the other hand let them defend themselves seperatly and see what excuses they come up with.

DO NOT CONFRONT THEM TOGETHER.

If you confront them together they will corroborate each other's lies right in front of you. If you confront separately and close enough together that they can't make up lies together then you will see a discrepancy in their stories and know at least one is lying. Get as many details as you can from both separately. The more details you get the more chance for you to catch them in lies.

[This message edited by RubixCubed at 3:06 PM, February 9th (Friday)]

Ghost her. All she is going to do is continue this pattern. Maybe not this time, but it only a matter of time before friend turns into a f---buddy.

Some people are worth keeping in your life and some aren't. Just be happy that your cost of an exit from this relationship will be low.

She lied to you about this. What else has she lied about ? If she can't be honest with you then there really isn't a relationship anyway. At best she has poor boundaries, at worst she is a lying cheater.

Trust me on this. You will be so happier to be away from these toxic people.

Further your "friend," had designs on your girlfriend. He will say he is not, but why else would he spend that kind of time with her if he wasn't after something more.

He probably engineered this. You find out. Dump her and he is there is rescue her. Cold. Calculated. Textbook POS.

Your GF loves Beta orbiters. Guys she keeps at arms length for her own selfesteem. Once one pulls away, she’ll throw him a little kibble to keep him orbiting.

Coming from experience, don’t ever settle with a girl that has orbiters. They all want to get in her panties. She might play dumb or actually not understand the concept. But why risk it.

A lot of good advice

they will corroborate each other's lie

They probably already discussed what to say.

I am not saying she did anything, but the fact that she hid the sleep over speaks volumes to her character.

I am sorry. Just the lying alone is so hurtful.

I would do a 180.

Poly maybe.