T/J Even tho’ I agree with everyone’s assessment of telling OP to Run, or Ghost her, let’s understand where he is at. Think back to the time in your life when you met that special someone, the one that hopefully will one day be Mrs ES. For him 3 yrs is a lifetime. Yes, as time moves on, that will change but not right now.
ES, right now you’re hurting. You already know what you need to do, I believe at this moment your gut (logical self) is fighting with your emotional self. It’s normal, read enough here and you will see BS’s (Betrayed Spouses) debate that their situation is unique. Your story is unique to you. The stories seen here, play out pretty much the same with very little variations. Right now as you’re reading this to you it’s a lot of noise. Read this a year from now and it will make more sense.
Right now your life is upside down, two people you care about have potentially done something that has left you not able to trust them (BTDT). If you think you’re hurting now, imagine that GF is your wife, and the AP is your friend. Read my bio, it’s a thousand times worse. That’s why posters are telling you to run; to cut your losses.
The only reason to confront is the need to know the truth, The Why?; so you can have closure. I understand where you're coming from. The sad part is both of these people are liars, both have a character flaw, that they believe being together (behind your back) was more important than hurting you. When affairs happen the WS and AP know it’s wrong, they just don’t care enough to not do it.
Affairs rip you to pieces because it takes two people who are suppose to be in a relationship, adds another person; and then they become the couple and you're on the outside looking in. For the moment they're happy and you're alone left to pickup the pieces.
It’s like watching someone drop a valuable item. Two things can happen, the honest person picks it up and returns it to it’s rightful owner, the other one keeps it and SAYS NOTHING.
Your friend is not your friend. A real friend would have never gone over. If he did have a connection with your GF and she with him. Before anything would have ever happened she would have broke it off with you, and then, after some time, started up with your friend. A true friend would have not taken her up on it.
You have already confronted and it looks like she gaslighted you, meaning she lied by playing down what happened, and making you feel paranoid for thinking the worst. A slight chance nothing happened, most likely something did and probably still is happening.
Let’s say you get to confront and she tells you the “Gospel Truth”, 100% doesn’t leave anything out, and it's worse than you thought or it’s not as bad as you thought, it won’t change a thing.
They both decided to keep the truth from you. Read “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass. Specifically “Walls and Windows”. When he went over to her house that was a Window between them, when they decided not say anything she (they) put up a wall between your relationship.
This Future Mrs. ES has a character flaw, and you were fortunate to find out before saying “I Do”. There is a huge certainty she is likely to cheat on you or someone else in her future. Let’s face it she picked up the wallet and she kept it for a year. Someone else had to tell you she had done it.
Confront if you must, but it really won’t change the outcome. Not long term. The seed of doubt has been planted in your relationship. Say you ignore your gut, and commit to her, and on the surface everything is OK?? Every time a message pops up and she leaves the room, she says she’s running late at work, or she has to stay overnight to comfort a friend, you will always wonder….Is she cheating on me?
I know it hurts a lot right now, but being married with kids, the house, etc. become far worse. You were a couple, not even living together, for three years. This doesn't get easier in a committed relationship.
Who would you rather be with someone who is flawed or someone who has the moral compass to know secretly asking your "so-called" friends to spend the night is not in her best interest. Your Choice.
