SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It’s been 4 months since I found out about the A. I those 4 months she has not done anything inappropriate that I know of. Granted I’m not with her all the time. Everything has gotten better. But there are sometimes when I get down and it starts to bother me. It starts to keep going through my head and it’s all I’m thinking about it. I try not to be down or mad a her when I feel this way. I also don’t want to keep bringing things up again. Other people that decided to R after the A, did you feel the same as I do? What helped you get past that? One thing is that recently the sex has declined and she said it’s due to her being exhausted. I don’t think she’s starting another A. What bothers me is how she wanted those other guys and how she spoke to them. That’s what I want with our relationship. I want and need so more passion and flirting. Is there anyway I can do things to entice her? People who R, how did the sex go? For me at first it was all the time but has died off a bit. I want it more here lately than she does. It’s not to the point of concern of her cheating on me but it has died down a bit.

In order to get to R, though, you need to heal you; your W needs to heal yourself; and together you build/rebuild your M.

IMO, that means you have to process all the grief, rage, fear, and shame that came with being betrayed, and your W needs to change from cheater to good partner, which almost always means serious IC.

Your W also has to become honest, answering every question honestly - no more lies. has she started that?

There's more, but I don;t have time to write about it right now.

Can you say more about your sitch, what you want, what your W is doing to change?

WRT sex, for me, it's not as desperate as it was early on, thankfully, but the pleasure and satisfaction my W & I feel goes very deep.

You are 4 short months out. You are just beginning this journey. They say it takes 2 - 5 years for this.

I'm not that much farther out than you - 6 months. And I ride the roller coaster from Hell also. Ups, downs, sideways and flats. Some times I fell those all in one day. Some days I get stuck in the downs. At 4 months I was only starting to go a day without thinking of the A.

We also enjoined [odd phrase I know] lots of HB and still do. But even HB has its peaks and valleys.

My WH is just now coming out of the A fog and looking at the AP wihtout rose colored glasses. Only recently am I able to see hope for a future at the end of the tunnel. Up until then I had periods of "I don't see this ending well" and "I'll make this work damnit" and "I have no bleeping clue" and everything in between.

Up your self care. Check in here. You aren't alone.

Please give it time. There is no rush.

I hope you get words of wisdom from those farther out in the process.

Journaling helped me alot.

In order to get to R, though, you need to heal you; your W needs to heal yourself; and together you build/rebuild your M.

IMO, that means you have to process all the grief, rage, fear, and shame that came with being betrayed, and your W needs to change from cheater to good partner, which almost always means serious IC.

Your W also has to become honest, answering every question honestly - no more lies. has she started that?

There's more, but I don;t have time to write about it right now.

Can you say more about your sitch, what you want, what your W is doing to change?

WRT sex, for me, it's not as desperate as it was early on, thankfully, but the pleasure and satisfaction my W & I feel goes very deep.

My W has changed from hr cheating ways. All affairs has stopped months before I found out.

She doesn't like to give explicit details and I can understand that. What I have found that she did she was truthful about all of it.

The W doesn't sit on her phone when she gets home. She doesn't hide her phone when texting. She also keeps her phone unlocked so I could look anytime I wanted.

Do you have questions that she hasn't answered?

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Answering questions is a way of taking responsibility for her A, and taking responsibility for the A is an essential step in recovery. If she dodges questions, that's a red flag, IMO.

If you dodge asking questions, that's a red flag, too, IMO.

Do you have questions that she hasn't answered?

Yes and No. Everything that I've found matched up with her story except her FWB seemed to be a little more that she has said. But I can't tell. She could be telling the truth. She doesn't like to talk about details and her memory is not that good. There's medical reasons why she may not remember.