SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I would be direct with her. I would say I know of the affair and the fake conference. If you go the marriage is over and you will not be coming back. Tell her that you will let the family know as well. But this should be done before she goes. She will probably start to gaslight you and blame shift. Don't stand for it. Shut that down and stand your ground.

Why not have her served while she’s with little f*ckboy?

MyLifeMyMarriage,

I see you came over from another site.

Have you figured out whether to have your one son to come home from school yet? How about the son that is still at home.

Personally, I think it wise to serve her, and potentially her boyfriend, before she leaves work this Friday. Why let it go on further just to serve them in the hotel room. Serving at work will achieve the same end, in my opinion.

If the intern is 20 years younger... you know there are no thoughts of marriage in the picture (at least not from him). If OM is married I would tell his wife BEFORE the trip just to make the trip not so ROMANTIC... but hey that's what I would do. Then I would go out back and grill, have a few beers, pull up a chair and wait for the fireworks.

Does she know that her marriage is on the line if she goes? If it all hinges on this then you should confront her now so that she can make an informed choice to go or not. That would be helpful for both of you. If she stays, you can work on it. If she goes, you need not bother. Calm down and think on this. This is big life changing stuff.

Without revealing your sources, just either confront her fullforce or serve her the D papers (you can always stop it on the way) before she leaves. Just crush her secret fantasy world. I do not know about exposure of her A as you might find yourself in the future wanting to R with her if she can prove that she is truly remorseful. I understand that you are very upset right now but in the following months your anger due to the trauma you have been put through by your WW will gradually diminish. Sending you strength and patience.

2018MLMM

Calm down.

From the tone of your posts, how you don’t really respond to the suggestions made… I think you need to calm down.

What you are dealing with is too serious to respond with knee-jerk reactions.

Good you have proof.

Now THINK!! Why do you need proof?

Does infidelity factor in divorce in your state? If so then did the divorce attorney you talked to tell you that the proof you have is acceptable?

Fact is infidelity seldom affects divorce. The “proof” you need is only enough to convince YOU. You already have that. So why do you need more proof? Aren’t YOU convinced?

What can you possibly gain from tracking her over the weekend? She will be doing exactly what you know she has been doing and what you expect her to be doing.

If infidelity is a deal-breaker for you then simply file. Wither you do it before the weekend or after… not an issue. If her infidelity has already made you decide to divorce then one more tryst won’t make any difference. In fact, you could use the weekend to line up your ducks and prepare.

But if you want even a shot at reconciliation… EXPOSE. Confront her. Do it NOW. You don’t have to prove anything to her. You simply tell her “I KNOW you are having an affair with OM. I KNOW there is no conference and I KNOW what your plans are for the weekend.”

Walloped? He didn’t wait after he had his proof. He confronted.

2018MLMM,

Walloped? He didn’t wait after he had his proof. He confronted.

Actually, I hardly had any proof at all. Just that my brother saw my wife and OM holding hands in a lovey-dovey way in the street. That was enough for me and I confronted her. I was fortunate that she cracked and spilled the beans right away.

Then came exposure to kill all aspects of the A.

Anyway, not surprisingly, I agree with Bigger. Calm down. Get your head in the game. Proof does nothing for you. YOU know and that’s all that matters. So I’d suggest you confront her now. There’s no downside and at least you’d know where her mindset is.

As an aside, I’m not a big fan of the whole scorched earth thing. I strongly believe in taking action to stop the affair (expose, confront, lay down guidelines/consequences, etc.) but in a forceful yet measured way.

Think about what you want and what’s the best route to getting there. Are you done with your marriage? That’s one track. Are you open to the idea of reconciling with her depending on her actions after you confront? Then a different approach might be in order. Regardless of which you want, her response and behavior will inform how this plays out, yet you are in control. Recognize that, calm yourself, and think strategically. Then act appropriately.

For now, you need to know where she stands and where you stand. Forget PI’s and all that. Confront and discuss. Understand your situation so you can then determine next steps.

Hope that helps. YMMV.

MyLifeMyMarriage,

I see you came over from another site.

He did. He was banned by the admins over there. "He is banned as a troll. His threads were post-bait."

2018MLMM,

Scorched earth (serve now, serve at hotel) gains you what? Think about that. Does it gain you physic pleasure? Do you just want to fvck up their weekend? All of that will be short lived in the longer scheme of things. You can serve her at anytime. You never lose that option.

Waiting to see if she goes away? Why wouldn't she? Why would she change her mind? Why is that an indicator that her adultery is a deal breaker to you? It is too passive, passive-aggressive.

Confront her. Get this out in the open. That will give you the measure of control over yourself that you need.

Look, you always retain Scorched Earth capability through how, and if, you decide to expose her adultery. That ability to bargain from a position of strength may help you down the line.

Confront with any of the scripts you've been provided. Your goal is to get out of infidelity.

2018,

As Bigger says, it looks like your anger is getting the better of you. We all understand that, and we all had our periods of absolute rage.

However, there is a very serious thing that you have said which could backfire on you and it is this:

I’ve already put everything on thumb drives which will be dropped off at post office and sent to her siblings and a few close friends as soon as she heads North on Friday

I know why you want to do it, and there is an element of justice to it, but if you do send sexually explicit material to a whole bunch of people you may find yourself being sued by your wife and the intern for REVENGE PORN. Seriously, as much as the pair of them deserve to be named, shamed, and humiliated, the reality of the situation is that you are risking committing an offence by circulating that material.

The other point is, as you have all of that graphic material, why not confront your wife today or tomorrow with a stack of printed highlights (particularly her email about you knowing nothing), and tell her that if she goes on the fake weekend, she will be returning to divorce papers, and everyone she knows being informed about her activities. You do not have to circulate any pictures or videos for that (so no potential for 'revenge porn' charges), but you can describe all of the material that you have. That will be enough for most people, and you are 'safer' from a legal point of view if you do that.

It is possible that you are thinking about a forum member called AmbivalentOne, who confronted his wife with a bunch of printed copies of evidence of her affair that he had found on an old computer. It had quite an impact, and he could not be sued for doing it that way. There is a lesson in that!

Listen, we all want you to get yourself out of infidelity, and many of us may like the idea of a smug cheat getting her comeuppance, but please 2018, DO NOT COMPROMISE YOUR POSITION BY SENDING OUT MATERIAL THAT COULD BE CLASSED AS REVENGE PORN.

If you want to send a mass mail-out message to all the people who need to know, so be it, but stick to a description of the evidence, and maybe even throw in a few choice quotes (like "Ha ha, he has no idea"), but no triple-X pictures or movies.

Also bear in mind that once you circulate triple-X material, you no longer control it, and there will always be a possibility of your kids seeing it. You might not care about that from the point of view of shaming your wife, but think of how horrible it would be for the kids to see stuff like that. Anyone who gets pics or video could keep it for years and show it to them. Why risk that?

The whole point of blowing up the affair is for you to regain control, not lose it by circulating material to a whole bunch of people who can then do anything they want with it. You need to retain control of it.

And as so many people keep saying, CONFRONT HER NOW! Blow their weekend plans off the rails right now. Why let them have a lovely weekend together? That's like a gift to them.

Why wait to confront her? So you could stew all weekend knowing she is f*cking another man?

You have the proof.

You have met with an attorney.

Confront her and blow up her world. If this other guy is married as well, contact his wife without telling your wife you are doing so.

Confront her calmly. DO NOT reveal your sources. DO NOT tell her about this site.

Make sure you have copies of all the evidence in a safe place.

I would be direct with her. I would say I know of the affair and the fake conference. If you go the marriage is over and you will not be coming back. Tell her that you will let the family know as well. But this should be done before she goes. She will probably start to gaslight you and blame shift. Don't stand for it. Shut that down and stand your ground

^^^William hit the nail on the head.

You need to get out of infidelity ASAP.

He did. He was banned by the admins over there. "He is banned as a troll. His threads were post-bait."

^^^Does this mean we have a TROLL here? Not sure I understand.

Proof does nothing for you. YOU know and that’s all that matters.

Walloped

I agree if someone is certain enough in their own mind to divorce then that’s all that matters as far the divorce itself. But proof DOES something for you in most cases. Let’s say that you know your wife had a long term affair but you have no proof to show someone else.

Your wife says your dad is crazy. He’s always been the jealous type but I never thought he would take it this far and break up the family over nothing. You know what kind of woman I am. All I did was talk to another man.(or hold hands in your case)

Personally I would like to have the record straight.

I was fortunate that she cracked and spilled the beans right away.

Walloped

Not everyone is that “fortunate.” In fact your wife deserves a great deal of credit. What she did was very rare.

[This message edited by Michigan at 12:13 PM, March 21st (Wednesday)]

proof does matter in many regards. Keep it, copy it and file for divorce. 33 states still allow 'at fault' divorces. Besides which, you may be required to show proof if attacked by family members over your decision to divorce or to at least show her when she denies it. Even if she snaps out of it and comes around, the ball is rolling and you are in control

I called the other man.

And the affair ended within 3 days.

THE VALUE OF PROOF

Posted on another site today:

This woman told her dad that her mom had an affair.

My mother stormed into my office and was so SO angry. She was screaming, I'm sure everyone heard. I just kept my mouth shut. She blamed me for being a delusional liar, that I'm stupid and can't get anything done, and so on.

When she asked "What do you have to say now?", I just showed her the printed out e-mails. She read them for a while, over and over again. She turned pale. So I put the recording of him caressing my hair and hand in front of her, and she stormed out crying.

[This message edited by Michigan at 1:09 PM, March 21st (Wednesday)]

Everyone, thank yo so much for all of your posts. Please don’t think that just because I’m not responding doesn’t mean that I’m not reading everything you post and take it in.

Walloped,I’ve been reading your first sets of posts right now.

I don’t know what page, but it is when you went out on ATVs and movie with your brother. Man I wished I lived closer to NYC Just to have a drink with you and pick your brain!!!! God knows it’s not because I like the Yankees, Jets, or Giants!!! By the way, how did the Jets and Giants do this past year??? Sorry, I too joke to deal with stress

I’m reading it to try and see what could be instore for me.

While I’m not sure, I believe you reconciled. I’m not sure if I want or can do that. But I just can’t imagine not being her husband.

Right now,I believe I’m going to stick with the plan I’ve been developing for a while, actually since I found out about the convention.....

I’m going to try to get her to realize what she has and is possibly throwing away on her own. I just ordered a small bouquet a flowers to be delivered to her at work Friday Morning. The card will read “Have a great weekend. Will miss you.”

I usually send her small bouquets at work 4 or 5 times a year, so it won’t be out of the ordinary.

I hope she sees what she is doing and will come home and confess everything to me, the. We will figure out what each wants.

If she DOESN’T come to her senses, then she is in for a shock. My lawyers called me today stating that she will be served at the hotel. I have made multiple thumb drives with texts/emails/pictures/videos and have them ready to be dropped in the mail on Friday, as soon asFriendFinder shows me that she is heading north from work. They will be sent to her family and her closest friends. The idea behind the thumb drives is so there is no revisionist history of my so-called marriage, and that they might be able to get her see what she has doing/is doing.

My son is coming home from college on Friday. He thinks I’ve asked him to come home to chop up some of the fallen trees. But the real reason is so that I can tell both kids face to face what is going on. I also want him home so that he can be here for his sister theoughout he weekend, so they can lean on each other.

I’ve also found out that POS’s wife is NOT working either Friday or Saturday, so I will be reaching out to her then as well.

I’m not sure if I’m actually being logical or not, but in my current baffled state, this seems like a good plan.....giving her the opportunity of ending it herself or me kicking her out of her fantasy world. I’m not playing “pick me” I’m just thinking it would mean more if she ended it on her on. According to the texts, she still doesn’t suspect that I know anything..

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:58 PM, March 21st (Wednesday)]

Unfortunately, the flowers will not do it.

My WH affair partner became pregnant with her husband's child during their EA. Did they stop, nope, it should have been a huge wake up call, but they continued with the constant emails.

Then the affair partner's husband found out about the EA. Confronted both of them, my WH KNEW her husband could choose to contact me at any point, did they stop? Nope, it went further into a PA.

When they are deep in the fog, nothing will stop them.

The day I found out I went scorched earth. The affair ended that day. Why would you put yourself through more torture and torment?

You are doing the pick me dance. Doesn't work.

How do I delete this?????

I’ve been accused of being a “troll”

I’m looking for help, to help me get my thoughts together, to get help from people that have been through this on both sides of the equation.

If I can’t get it here, and other than seeing a counselor and a priest, can someone just point me ina good direction and I’ll leave everyone alone!!

Sorry for having bothered you all!!!!!!! .

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:59 PM, March 21st (Wednesday)]

How do I delete this?????

I’ve been accused of being a “troll”

I’m looking for help, to help me get my thoughts together, to get help from people that have been through this on both sides of the equation.

If I can’t get it here, and other than seeing a counselor and a priest, can someone just point me ina good direction and I’ll leave everyone alone!!

Sorry for having bothered you all!!!!!!!