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Anyone know where in the Bible it states that adultery is an acceptable reason for divorce and frees me to remarry? I'm not Catholic, but his family is, and I want them to know that this is an acceptable reason for me to divorce so they understand that I'm not sinning. I saw one verse from Matthew 19:9. Are there any other examples? I haven't looked at the Bible since college for a religious studies class!

They keep pushing to keep the marriage together, which is making driving me crazy!

The DivorceCare folks go into this in great detail during their presentations. I strongly recommend you take their classes.

However, at some point, you have to realize that his family's religious beliefs are not your religious beliefs, and you need to stand on your own.

If they don't judge you for the "sin" of divorce, they will probably find some other reason to judge you.

If you really want to pursue the option to remarry in the Catholic church, you will have to seek an annulment from the church. There is a defined process for this. It can be achieved even after a long-term marriage with children; the basis is mysterious to us non-Catholics.

ETA: Nothing says you have to remarry, or remarry in the Catholic church.

[This message edited by TrustedHer at 11:08 AM, March 26th (Monday)]

Well I suppose I want to keep all options open. We had a Buddhist marriage ceremony, so I don't know how that works, but his family has decided that counts as marriage, and divorce is a sin. I think adultery is a sin, and I'm free to go off as I choose, tho I do worry what that means if I meet someone else with a Catholic family. Am I barred from the Catholic world altogether then?

I am not Catholic..my XWW is. It is my understanding that unless you get an annulment (which basically means the marriage never really happened) you can not marry in the Catholic church again. I’m assuming to get an annulment your WS would have to agree to this which I know my XWW would not.

Simplicity,

I am Catholic.

I was taught that a Catholic person can divorce on the grounds of adultery, but his/fer first choice should be to forgive. That was said by Christ himself in the episode of the adulterous wife (John 8:7). This is indeed one of the reasons why I stay married.

However, I was also taught not to judge. Your in-laws are not entitled to decide if you are sinning or not. Nobody is. (Matthew 7:1-2)

No, you will not be banned from the Catholic world. And, for the record, since your wedding ceremony was not Catholic, you were never married under the eyes of the Catholic Church.

Nevertheless, I do agree with TrustedHer. If this is not your religion, why should you be concerned ? Catholic teachings are for Catholic people. You should not feel required to follow them.

Peace be with you.

Numbers 6:24-26.

Regards,

BH294

[This message edited by BH294 at 12:54 PM, March 26th (Monday)]

We had a Buddhist, therefore are not married in the eyes of the catholic church, correct?

So if it was not a Catholic wedding, it is not honored by the Catholic church correct? No matter if your ex's family honors the M or not.

Edited: I am not Catholic but my minister was trying really hard to 'mend' my M until he found out my ex was cheating. Then he was supportive of the D.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:56 PM, March 26th (Monday)]

I consider the marriage permanent as it's a covenant with God, until one of you dies. Yes divorce due to adultery but single until one of you dies or reconciled. I do believe that as what I have read. I think most of us, me included at one time, viewed it as an exception clause as a way out. I think it allows for divorce in the case of adultery but never says be free to marry another. Even God divorced Israel, but never chose another as they were reconciled. This view is not popular and in no small way bolsters my belief that it is true. In some ways I wish it weren't so.

The way I see it divorce is bad and is something God hates, if it happens then it happens and there is always sin involved with breaking covenant. I think people confuse getting divorced with never being married. How are our vows before God and with God involved ever void?

The idea that the church can wipe away a marriage is strange to me. God is the originator of marriage not man, as he created man, he created woman for man. Outside the Bible or Christian belief or struggle with those beliefs, I suppose ot doesnt matter in making a descision but still falls under judgement as adultery and fornication when you marry another.

[This message edited by NewDayforDad at 2:46 PM, March 26th (Monday)]

Jesus' Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:32):

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for

anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

But seriously, why are you concerned about what HIS family thinks of you?

You're the bad person for divorcing his unrepentant, cheating ass?

You do see what is wrong with this picture, right?

(Edit: Divorcees are not barred from the church and get communion; they are only not allowed to get communion if they remarry (without an annulment). But you're not Catholic, so there's a whole bunch of other things you'd have to deal with before getting (re)married in the Catholic church. Don't worry about it and move on).

[This message edited by WornDown at 2:46 PM, March 26th (Monday)]

This is one case where I wish the church was more strict at this particular time in creating some consequences for my unrepentant WW.

I have went to my Priest twice and each time I talk to him, she talks to him right after and all is well again. He basically told us both just to accept it and that it's over. He's right, she is not changing her mind but I guess I expected more of a try more line from him to her or to give her some sort of third degree but .....

She is his friend and she still continues to serve at Mass, lector and is involved in all the church committees. She even read during the special Gospel Palm Sunday readings yesterday.

I wrote to someone at the Diocese over two weeks ago and never even got a response. I don't think my Priest is being a bad guy, I thought our talks were genuine and he spoke to me more as a trusted confidant than a Priest but I just wonder how she got over on him like she does with everyone else. She turns on the tears to make people feel sorry for her and for everyone else she makes it so they would feel uncomfortable if they were to treat her any differently.

Mass yesterday was tough for me as we are still going to church with the kids, we are telling them next week during Spring Break. I listed to 2 of the 3 lectors and looked at them when they spoke but when my STBXW spoke, I just bowed my head and refused to look up.

To answer the OP's question though, yes, Adultery is one of the many reasons you can get a divorce in the Church. I was surprised at how many there were to be honest.

Since your marriage was not officially sanctioned by the Catholic Church, the requirements for marriage and/or divorce don't matter. There is no "marriage" to annul should you decide to marry a Catholic in the future, and an acceptable reason to annul a Catholic marriage is adultery.

My ex is a lifelong devout Catholic (also a hypocrite, but that's another story). Our first wedding was civil. Thus, not recognized by the church. He was adamant that we marry in the church. We did. Exactly one year later. I am not Catholic and didn't care either way.

Fast forward. Because we were married in the church, I cannot ever get remarried in a Catholic ceremony unless I get an annulment. Neither can Xhole. I don't care because I will never get married in any church again. Xhole, on the other hand, would. So HE will need to pony up the $$$ to seek an annulment, along with my cooperation.

Honestly? I wouldn't worry about it. You have valid reasons to divorce, religion or not. If your in-laws know ANYTHING about their own religion, they already know adultery is an acceptable reason to divorce. If you have to "educate" them about that, I would seriously question their devotion to the church. It is common knowledge in the Catholic faith. Your WH is the one who has sinned in the eyes of the church, not you. Don't let them try to twist it and pin the "sinning" on you.

I want them to know that this is an acceptable reason for me to divorce so they understand that I'm not sinning.

I'm sure you will find that, over time, their opinion of you will matter less and less.

I want them to know that this is an acceptable reason for me to divorce so they understand that I'm not sinning.

I'm sure you will find that, over time, their opinion of you will matter less and less.

One of the 10 Commandments is “thou shall not commit adultery” pretty sure that should be clear enough as to who the sinner is...

But honestly my Ex inlaws still see me as the bad guy for divorcing my abusive Ex. I find these days I don’t care.

And, for the record, since your wedding ceremony was not Catholic, you were never married under the eyes of the Catholic Church.

This is not true, at least to the Baltimore Archdiocese which is the largest group of Catholics in the US. My fiance is a lifelong Catholic and was told by several priests and deacons (one a close friend that serves on the tribunal) that we could not get married until I get an annulment. I was married in the Presbyterian church. This was also explained in the exact same way to his niece, her fiance was married Baptist. I flat out refuse to go through the annulment process, a friend of mine did and to a non-Catholic it can be a very intrusive and offensive process. In our area it takes at least a year.

I do know that in other parts of the US it doesn't always work this way, at least from stories on this board.

I'm a Baptist minister with 20 years experience, and believe that there is never a good reason to divorce. However, there are many necessary reasons: Infidelity, addiction, and abuse come to mind. None of these require divorce, but when the marriage covenant has been broken, it must be renewed or it must be dissolved. The old marriage no longer exists.

For those spiritually scoring at home, God dissolved the old covenant with Israel and instituted a new one with all of us in Christ. Renewal and reconciliation. The terms of the old agreement aren't in effect. No more temple sacrifices, etc.

It is spiritual abuse to require someone to stay in an abusive marriage (whether that abuse is substance, emotional, physical, financial, or infidelity) because "God says so." The way of Jesus Christ always involves suffering, and placing the interests of others before yourself, but does not require being a doormat, or enabling sin and destructive behavior in others.

I've watched couples destroy their lives and the lives of their children by staying together when that was the worst thing they could do. I've also seen others Biblically justify their own selfish behaviors so they could see if the grass was greener.

Don't let yourself be spiritually bullied. Adultery is a gamechanger, and for some it is endgame. If you stay it should be because YOU choose, not because your in-laws are pressuring you.

Kyrie Eleison (the Lord travel with you)

Washashore, I want to thank you for your post. I am Buddhist, so it is a very different religion, but my monk had once told me that all religions are really just fingers from the same hand, and so it was nice to hear such compassionate words. I don't think I would be with a Catholic family again, though after some reading I think having never married in a church, or under that God, if I met someone who wanted to marry in the Church, I think I am okay. I realize I should not care very much about whether or not they think I'm a sinner, I was never baptized, so I was never going to be free of sin in their eyes anyway. Its not even all of his family, just his very steadfast Catholic granny. She was always a kind person, and I suppose it pains me to know she is heartbroken by the broken marriage. I was hoping if she knew that this marriage has good reason to dissolve, she would feel better. I never said I would never reconcile. I just said I could not reconcile with the man he is now, and I need to divorce the man before me now.

I think how the annulment process works really depends on the priest. My first marriage ended because of abuse. He eventually filed for divorce because he wanted to marry again. I didn't object and let it go through. All I did was complete the paperwork when I decided to marry again. I didn't pay any money. My second marriage was in the same church as the first marriage.

OP, do what is best for you.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 8:50 AM, March 27th (Tuesday)]

Don't let the Catholic Church run your life. It has hurt so many people I know. God will love you. Don't worry about the Pope!!