Your 'stern voice' made me smile, thank you.
I would like to address the issues raised by the poster though, as despite my own pain, I suspect there is bitterness and anger behind his/her comments.
I quote
1)"you separated from your husband three years ago and then are surprised and hurt that he went to someone else younger and prettier and more willing to give him attention and intimacy then you?"
Firstly, you are assuming that she is prettier and younger, not that looks make any difference, we are all equal under the surface, and no, she is similar in age to me" perhaps you are projecting your own situation on to me, not helpful to either of us.
2)" I'm sure your head is spinning because no matter how bad you treated him, and kicked him out, you expected him even more than three years later to still try to dote on you?"
I didn't 'kick him out' be both agreed that a period of time to heal our wounds was the right way to go. I suffered a brutal assault which almost cost me my life and it affected us both very badly. I wanted to receive treatment, I suffered horrendous night terrors and TOGETHER we decided that it was in our best interests and especially the interests of the children, that they could spend time with dad away from witnessing their mother recover. Yes he doted on me, but that was reciprocated 100%, he knew he was the love of my life, hence why I had no interest in anyone else and still do not now. I supported him emotionally, physically and finacially to start his new business, using much of my victim compensation. I cooked for him almost daily, cleaned his house and washed ironed and packed all his clothes when he went away on business. I was always there for him and often was on the receiving end of his angry outbursts due to stress of building the company. But I wanted to be, he was my best friend, my soulmate. He promised me that everything would be ok now, to hang on in there, the future was finally bright. He spoke of holidays, a new home, vow renewal and of his undying love for me. All this until 3-4 weeks ago. I belived him, trusted in him and his love for me.
3) "Sounds like he's a good man and put up with you long enough. Really surprised he made it three years because i'm not sure I'd make it 1 or 2 years if my wife kicked me out of the house (not for infidelity) and then expected me to dote on her not allowing me to move in. You baited him too long with little bread crumbs and he just upgraded his model and got the entire meal"
'Put up with me' how exactly? I stayed home doing all his admin, looking after the kids, looking after him practically and emotionally and my world revolved around him. He was the one enjoying a full social life through work and the friends he met along the way, while I stayed home as he got upset if I went out, fearing I would meet someone else. Yes I did stop him from moving in and instead asked him to start taking me away for weekends, to book the vow renewal and a holiday together, the 2 of us, something we have never had in 20 years. I started to realise that he was talking the talk but not walking the walk and so I was not prepared to accept anything less than full commitment. I did this because I have self respect, turning up drunk at my house with a kebab and asking me to pay the taxi at 2am after his night out, seemed like I was being used. so yes I did turn him away and refuse to let him stay, but I explained why. I asked him to prove that he definitely was in love with me and that I was not just a convenient security blanket. He knew how much I loved him, he saw how giddy I was with excitement at the prospect of renewing our vows. He also saw how crushed i was as I stood by him when he took out his anger and frustrations on me. He was the one offering breadcrumbs, not me!
) "This has been very tough love but I think you need a little bit of a shocker to see the other side of things. I don't see your husband as a typical cheater and really empathize with him and feel bad for him"
With all due respect, you do not know me or my husband, you have no idea what I have sacrificed and how loyal and supportive I have been to him. I was at home whilst he sent me photo's of glam parties in london, fine food and bought himself £200 aftershave and designer clothes. So you are completely wrong in your judgement of this situation and as I said perhaps you are directing your personal anger and bitterness towards me, rather than being impartial. I am sorry that you are still clearly very hurt.
5) "I hope this new younger prettier woman treats him better than you have. He just may have a second chance at a happy marriage... just not with you"
That comment is just nasty and uncalled for, many women would have walked away years ago, I didn't and have stood by him through everything and then some. I do not regret it at all, even now.
I am not suggesting that I am some paragon of virtue, of course I have my faults and especially after my attack, when I had outbursts of anger, fear and flashbacks. I must have been a nightmare to live with, so I am quite happy to share the blame. Having said that, I have been faithful to him for 20 years, been right by his side, supported him in every way.
Let me tell you a little story which is absolutely true. Aftyer he lost his job, he was offered the opportunity of private investigative work. he was just sooo excited as it was what he had always wanted to do. he was full of it bless him and I was over the moon for him. This was his big chance. He had to drive to a major city and follow a young woman who was cheating allegedly and get evidence for her wealthy, older husband. He asked me to go too, said the hotel is paid for, so lets do this. I agreed and we set off, following the car with her in it. He was driving and an hour in lost the car as he was chattering on so excitedly. He was gutted and I could feel his pain and disappointment. I got him to pull over and I read the client file, established where they were heading and took over the driving as hubby was so upset. We found the hotel and he went to the bar and proceeded to down cocktails and hate on himself. I questioned the staff and found out we had the wrong hotel and there was a similar named one nearby. i bundled him laughing and merry by this time into the car and drove to the hotel. he headed to the beer garden and I did the surveillance, my god im no investigator! But i found them and started taking photo's on my phone. That night they went to a club and we had to follow, I was sober and working my backside off while he found it all very funny, carried on drinking and enjoyed the entertainment. He did make me laugh, as he can be such an idiot, but he was MY idiot and I'd have done anything for him.
In a nutshell, it was me who saved his ass that weekend and wrote the report, he got the job. So when you say he doted on me and deserves better, yes he did but no he doesn't, I could not have supported that man anymore than I have. We laughed about it afterwards and he held me for a long time, saying 'wow Mrs****** what would I ever do without you, I cant tell you how much I love you.
No wonder I am now devastated that he could discard me like I meant nothing, that all his talk of vow renewal, our future, seemed to have been empty words.
That woman you describe, has no idea of our past, our bond the mountain of obstacles we have faced together. To her he is a fun guy with money, who is quite clearly lavishing gifts and meals out etc on her and her kids.
Do I feel hurt, angry, used, betrayed? Yes I do and I think I have every right to feel so!
