SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Your grace and kindness speaks volumes to your character and forgiveness that I didn't readily deserve. I hope the following will help you, it has helped me and these are the thoughts and steps that have brought me and my wife to meaninful recovery that has been for about a year. A recomendation is before taking advice, to find out their outcome. Our actions can bring about different outcomes. I really hope this is helpful.

My WS upon confronting appeared to totally admit to it and was telling the truth about the items I found out about. What she didn't tell me was that it was an agreed tactic with the 2x convicted child molester that they would admit to lesser to remain in their perverted relationship.

So the counsel that really helped me get through the initial wave of emotion was the following:

Eat right, drink plenty of water, go to work, exercise and sleep. I was advised that even if I needed to get Dr approved OTC to sleep or herbal tea that sleep was upmost essential.

This is going to be a LONG process to healing. Many take between 2-5 years and that is regardless of wether you choose to stay with him. Plan for this.

The greatest trauma I think any human can go through is that of betrayal of a spouse. I've heard people on this who have had children pass away and other major trauma and most say betrayal of a spouse hurt more.

I battled with the loss of my hopes and dreams and the anger and hurt of infidelity and at my spouse for shattering those dreams. PLEASE remember, when you're at your lowest that you WILL get your hopes and dreams back. It may not be exactly what you were hoping for but you will get your joy back.

Your emotions will be on a roller-coaster. One minute you'll want him back and the next you'll want to do illegal things to him. The raw emotion is natural and healthy. Just don't think about ways to hurt him if you know what I mean. The same goes for yourself. The giant hole in your heart naturally will draw your emotions to want to find ways to end the pain. The major concern is if you start thinking of ways or taking steps to move forward with them. I'd seek help if you are heading down that road. But I must say, do be careful about taking psychiatric medication. Too many peole here will carry the bandwagon for them but if you were otherwise mentally healthy before this, then you should think 2x about it. SRIs will alter how you percieve this and may dampen it but at some point you will have to get off of them and at that point, reality will kick in again. The reason I speak of the SRIs as I do is because they prohibit your body's ability to reabsorb seratonin, your "awake" hormone. This causes an increase in melatonin which is the "sleep" hormon and places you in an awakened state of sleep. I chose to confront my emotions and get through them rather than try to dull them with drugs.

Regarding your WS. He is in a hormone induced high and you are the hinderance to it. Some have equated it to be like a cocaine addict and the way to handle him is similar... not in the lack of blame but in the fact that he is addicted to cheaters sex. He is getting a high from that adulterer that no managomous marriage can provide. My wife told me there were times she couldn't even look at me because I was a reminder of a hinderance from keeping her from being able to do what she wanted (cheat) because she felt bad. So she would avoid me and get angry at me when she felt bad and would bring up things in our marriage (that any marriage has) to use a blame for the way she feels to blame me for it. This is what we often refer to as the fog. Your husband is still in the fog (addiction) and is blaming you and avoiding you and anyone else who reminds him of what he was. His hormones make him feel good in what he's doing so he is equating anything that would want to stop that as taking away his happiness.

I could not be any lower. Thank you

Actually, you're wrong there, BrokenDreamer!

You in fact could be a LOT lower...just look at how LOW that WOOF-in-sheep's-clothing he's with and your husband have sunk!

But no, you couldn't likely STAND the pressure of the bilge and ugliness of your own actions surrounding you and pressing in on you and that healthy CONSCIENCE of yours if you even TRIED to go down that low, so maybe you're RIGHT about that one, after ALL!

BrokenDreamer, How goes the war and recovery in YOUR particular "theatre" today?

Hi, been a rough few days, still very raw and hurt but striving to get through each day. Am just going to take son out for his lunch for Easter, be good to spend some time with him away from the home. Thank you, I hope all is well your end, will write more later :) Happy Easter

Thank you for checking in and touching base with us (ME, okay, I mean me. Well...And a few others on here who share my concerns. I worry about you and feel your pain in a lot of ways...).

I want you to consider today how the people that Crust loved and helped and POURED Himself and His earthly time and energies into...they tortured and publicly murdered/executed Him on false charges and by throwing Him away and choosing the violent murderer/terrorist/revolutionary Barabbas INSTEAD.

And they did this on Passover preparation day, too, which was holier and more national than Christmas, Easter, and the American 4th of July (Admiral Nelson's victory day? Germany's surrender day? I'm not British, soooooo I'm not sure what ya'll's "victory" or national pride/thankfulness day is over there) all rolled into ONE.

They threw their own King, Messiah, Maker, and Healer away like the trash to be burned and embraced their political enemies (the Romans, Pilate, Barabbas) INSTEAD.

I don't know where you are in your faith and stuff, but human evil and idiocy and treachery is historically demonstrable no matter what your " religion" or affiliations might be.

You are not alone in your injustice. Christ HIMSELF felt such treachery and more.

And today, the world is reminded that evil need not and will not conquer GOOD in the long run.

People may fail and they may fall and be broken by evil for a time...But we WILL RISE if we hold to what is GOOD, and leave off of what is evil.

Hi there Cephastion, youre a real support to me, thank you so much :)

H3LLO - Thank you for sharing a little of your story with me, I am so sorry for what you had to go through and hope things are on the up for you now.

It's been a whirlwind couple of days, sadly most of it not very nice. He did appear at home as i spotted his car on saturday, so knew he was back.

Son still hasn't heard from him and yesterday he was riding his bike past dads house and stopped to look in his car windows. In the back he saw OW's kids two booster seats and opened the car door, launching them across the front lawn in anger and hurt. He came home in a very distressed state and it took me a while to try to comfort him and explain that dad does love him very much, even if he doesnt see that right now. Quite why he didnt think to either leve them behind or store them in the boot of the car is beyond me. He knows son rides past and may have been tempted to either visit him or look in the car.

Last night an old mutual friend popped round, we have been friends since I was 16 and he went to school with my husband. He was aware of what has happened and came to check on me. However men being men he was rather protective when he saw how devastated I looked and the weight ive lost. He proceeded to tell me everything he knew and showed me photo's on his phone of OW with her breast hanging out in a somewhat sleazy pose, which she has no dopubt sent to my husband and he in his infinite gentlemanly like behaviour, has sent it to all the lads to boast.

He told my friend that she was 'just his type' was 'his girl' petite and stunning with 'mesmerising eyes' he also said that he got aroused hearing her accent. Not things I wanted to hear, but I think my friend was trying to get me angry instead of sad. It also turns out that he met her a couple of weeks before I thought he had, as apparently on my birthday, he took her out for a meal. My husband has been describing her to his friends as 'pure filth' meaning rather raunchy sexually I assume. He said she had a millionaire partner who walked out on her two years ago for another woman (couldnt make this up) he also told our friend that I am a 'psycho' for contacting her and told him that my elder son had messaged him (husband) last week to tell him that me and our son were devastated. So he has either been thinking about that or again is , gloating, full of his own self importance.

Son has ridden past his house a few times and I have past a couple of times as it is unavoidable where we live without a huge detour, though I have started taking the much longer route just to avoid doing so. His car has been permanently in the drive and he does not appear to have been out. Very unlike him to be in all day, so I am guessing he is either permantly on skype to her with reassurance or packing, or both.

Son was gutted again this morning and in tears, first year he hasnt had an easter egg off dad and he was saying, 'I bet both her kids got huge extra special ones' I also know now why this was the first year in all our years together, that I got no valentine card and flowers and why he didnt take me out on my birthday.

My friend described him as "a f**ing idiot and everyone knows he is, he is just playing the big I AM, look at me lads, bagged myself a hot foreign chick, aren't i great' except from what i can gather, he doesnt seem to be getting the back slaps of congratulations he was anticipating.

A few months ago, another friend of ours, did the same thing, but worse in some ways, since his long term wife was recovering from cancer. He went on a lads holiday to Spain and met some stunning pole dancer half his age. The photo's were all over facebook and she was half his age. he too thought he was the dogs bollox, until he realised the men back home were not impressed especially since his lovely and well respected wife had just had chemo. He spent all their savings on her and she came back to the UK with him when he eventually returned, when the money ran out, so did she. This guy then expected everyone to feel sorry for him and went crawling back to his wife who made it very clear he was not wanted. So now he is left with no wife, no girlfriend, no friends and no money. What a down grade from the 5 star hotels in Spain, he now sleeps on friends (the ones he has left) sofa's and is a mess. I thought my husband might have learned from this, but in retrospect, I recall him saying, well his wife wasnt perfect and almost trying to justify this guys behaviour. Now i think my idiot of a husband, thought he could do it too, some people never learn.

Can you believe i actually felt sorry for him for a moment earlier, when i thought of him sat there in his house alone having given up the family that were his rock. Normally he would have been here having dinner or taken us out to eat and he must be feeling it however into her he is.

Maybe being away from her will give him time to reflect on what he has lost and gained, I hope so.

I AM and will stick to NC, I wont chase a man who doesnt want me and having seen this mother of 2 small kids sending out what are really sleazy soft porn pics of herself to men she hardly knows, however beautiful and wealthy she may be, I think he has downgraded. No amount of money can buy self respect and dignity and that is something I would NEVER do. I wonder how she would feel knowing that he has shared those photo's like a trophy amongst his friends?

I know for a fact that had i sent my husband a raunchy pic, he would never have shared it, tells me alot.

We'll as they say, " one man's trash is another man's treasure" (and vice versa, I would maintain, too).

I think he likely got curious about all that forbidden and nasty "low hanging fruit" that he might have thought he was missing out on by being with someone that has dignity and decency like yourself.

There is a thrill in mindless abandon it seems and going from way up high (you) to waaaayyy DOWN low (his AP/OW) is undoubtedly quite the skydiving thrill...for NOW...

We'll just have to wait and see how fun it is after there's no parachute for him to open on the way down with her towards the bottom where the cold hard reality of planet EARTH awaits his wingless, Pegasus/unicorn-minded/Icarus-like hubris

I like this particular version of the legend/myth because of the guy that's flying high and free without fear or real concern for the village idiot who got too big for his britches and let his pride become his downfall.

YOU need to be the older, wiser, even-keeled, steady-as-she-goes, person MUCH like that smooth-flying, level-headed guy in the drawing that keeps his wits and sanity and sobriety about him.

Don't let Icarus's fall bring YOU down WITH him!

Fly straight, fly steady, and FLY, BABY, FLY!

If you DO decide to pick up the pieces of that Humpty-Dumpty, kamikaze, dive bomber of husband of yours AFTER he crashes and burns...then the both of you will always be glad you kept your altimeter on the LEVEL instead of following his idiocy and example!

Do you KNOW the story of Icarus? A short version is this one:

Daedalus fashioned two pairs of wings out of wax and feathers for himself and his son. Daedalus tried his wings first, but before trying to escape the island, he warned his son not to fly too close to the sun, nor too close to the sea, but to follow his path of flight. Overcome by the giddiness that flying lent him, Icarus soared into the sky, but in the process he came too close to the sun, which due to the heat melted the wax. Icarus kept flapping his wings but soon realized that he had no feathers left and that he was only flapping his bare arms, and so Icarus fell into the sea in the area which today bears his name, the Icarian Sea near Icaria, an island southwest of Samos

After all...UP is much harder and rarer to do than DOWN is. So not only are his morals and standards and valuing of you and your son descending towards the bottom of the barrel, but his altitude and temporary HIGH likely will plummet right along with HIM in similar fashion.

But if YOU stay UP while he's going down for the count...then it's not only a feat worth noting by all of those around you for the obvious relative effort that staying UP requires, but it's also a lot easier for YOU to live with in your own rear-view mirror when you look back at yourself in 2018 as well!

[This message edited by Cephastion at 12:18 PM, April 1st (Sunday)]

Lol thanks, you have such a way with words, sure does make me smile

{I edited to add (eta) a few more thoughts to my preceding post, incidentally.}

Oh and thank you, btw.

I aim kinda high there in my attempts to encourage you myself if you don't mind my saying so....

Although there again, that's largely due to the fact that I BELIEVE YOU'RE WORTH such thoughts and feelings freely flowing from my heart and mind!

So of course it stands to reason that YOU SHOULD TOO because just LOOK at how loving and patient a lady you are and have been!!!!!

[This message edited by Cephastion at 12:25 PM, April 1st (Sunday)]

I am so amazed at your strength and resolve. And I'm so glad you continued posting here because reading your posts and the replies also help me a lot.

The one thing I'd add to the information, advice and support you've been receiving is the understanding that your WH is an addict and behaving exactly like an addict with the A. She stirred the dopamine receptor in his brain and he's off and running with no looking back. And anytime he accidentally gets a glimpse of his past life, he shuts it down and rewrites the narrative of your life together. I'm living the same horror show and it's not easy. But understanding that has helped me cope so I share it with you. Another poster here on S.I. wrote a very good explanation of the whole thing but I can't begin to tell it as well but perhaps he'll come along and repeat it. If he does, I'm going to save it to a file so I can share it again when need be.

Best wishes to you!

I'm glad to see you're still hanging in there. I'm wondering if your husband has a history of mental health issues or personality disorders? Or does it run in his family that you know of?? He almost sounds Bipolar.

i wasn't going to share this as I felt sure that I would face a backlash, but having spoken to a member whom I respect enormously, I have decided to do so.

I was sent a series of photo's of OW, trust me they were not ones for the family album.

I was sent them by a mutual male friend, who was quite appalled at ex husbands behaviour. He had been sending these photo's to all his mates and showing them off in the pub. Referring to OW as both 'his girl' and ' a right bit of filth'

Such a gentleman!

I do agree with the whole keep dignity, remain silent approach, but there comes a time when enough is enough and so i sent the pics to OW. I told her that although I was disgusted, as a woman and a mum, i was even more disgusted at what ex has done and the fact that everyone down the pub was laughing over her lady bits. It felt demeaning as a woman, even though I owe her no favours.

Next thing son came in and said dad was in tears as OW had dumped dad. My heart bleeds! NOT!

Then I overheard a series of conversations between ex and son, where dad was telling him that OW will have her kids taken off her as from what I can gather from the bits of conversation, there are already issues between OW and her ex over her behaviour and suitability as a mother.

Next thing police turn up as son has caled them and said mum is being a bitch and made dad cry! This from the son he hasnt spoken to in 2 weeks until tonight when apparaently OW has ended it.

Thankfully police put it down to a malicious call and left, I asked to take son to dads as whilst he was here dad wouldnt get off the phone and was using son to threaten me.

Am I sorry for telling her? NO keep poking a sleeping bear and it will roar!

I damn well hope she has left him, cry me a river, just like he didnt give a shit what we were suffering.

Dignified? NO, satisfying? YES

That is one less OW trying to entrap a married man with her liver on show! Hopefully I spared a few more women heartbreak!

After the joy and bubbles settled down inside of me at hearing this wonderful little bit of news about the OW dumping business, I started thinking about your poor son and you in this "human shield/hostage game" your husband is playing with ya'll right now.

First off I want to hopefully strengthen you with this hard truth. I remember when MY monstrous dad left me and my poor mother, even though I was only four at the time. I remember him beating her and me mercilessly too--one time he and I BOTH thought he'd actually killed mom at one point. We were at the hospital a LONG time until we got to go home that time...but anyway back to my point here. As crazy as it sounds, I still wanted my dad back in spite of how ugly and wrong the whole thing was, and I went out of my way at the time to communicate and show my allegiance and fealty to him no matter WHAT he'd done wrong.

I don't know how old your son is, but you need to understand a couple of things if you don't know this already:

1) kids are very often traumatized by parents separating and/or divorcing--particularly when it's a nasty horrible WAR of a parting of ways like it is in this case with how your husband "handled" all of this and himself and you. Consequently, kids often find the nearest or weakest target or link in the "problem" and do a LOT of their venting and blaming and anger-mismamagement and pain spewing and blaming on THEM, quite apart from any rational thinking or legitimate claims, etc. Do not take this to heart! I did the same thing to my poor mother because she was actually THERE WITH me still and HE WASN'T. Also, you are likely a much softer, easier target for him to take his pain and anger and grief out on as compared to such a moody and volatile and unpredictable "target" like your husband who's just proven how fickle his allegiance and warm fuzzies can be.

2) Your husband is USING your son as a weapon in this thing! That is a serious breach of decency right there and isn't at ALL fair to him (your son) at all to have his allegiances and trust and position and weaponized and played against you (and consequently against a part of HIMSELF) like that. I know from my own experience that it's a cruelty for him to have to prove his love of father and family by having to turn against you and be a pawn in that "game" your husband is playing right now. I'm not the best one to advise on these matters, but I think for his own future and present mental and emotional benefit that you somehow get him out of being in the middle of this thing however you possibly can ASAP.

How old is your son Broken?

He is in a very unhealthy situation with his father telling him things that he should keep to himself and not download them to a child.

As for the whore, she deserves everything that she gets, however, be warned, the laws on disseminating incriminating photos in the UK without consent are very strict and people can end up in jail.

She can sue your husband for sending those photos to his mates, especially if this will have a negative effect on her gaining custody.

See a solicitor ASAP and protect yourself and your children. As for your husband, drop him like a hot potato. You are more intelligent and with higher moral values than him. You deserve way way better Broken.

[This message edited by cannotforgive at 7:00 AM, April 2nd (Monday)]

Thanks he has now told son that he is moving to be with her sometime this week. I am a little concerned as to how calmly son is taking it, but I dod suspect from a snippet of conversation that I overheard, that ex has been filling sons head with how he has a fabulous room at their house etc. promises of holidays and fun in London. I know it's BS, but right now I guess if it softened the blow for son, then at least that is a positive.

So yes, as I suspected, he is rehoming his dogs, packing up and moving 400 miles away to be with a woman he has known a handful of weeks.

Cephastion, I was so saddened to read of what you and your mum had to endure when you were such a little boy. Horrific and I hope he got his comeuppance, you dont get much lower than what your dad did, cowardly brute.

It got me wondering whether the life experiences of some of us on here, made us kinder people, but more vulnerable to hard faced ba**ards.

Just from reading through many posts and most of the replies to me, I sense caring, compassion and kindness in abundance.

I'd have done anything for my husband and whatever my faults I never cheated and was ALWAYS his rock.

Today has been sad and I'm still very low and raw, there is not a moments respite from the memories whirling round in my head and the thoughts of them together. I blame myself for allowing the living apart to go on so long, but I was not in a position financially to buy new rings or a house, he had to do that and he didnt. I also think that if I had moved back in with him, he may have cheated anyway and then it would be even worse than now (if possible)

Your words and the other poster (im sorry cant recall the name as I type) are quite correct when you say that son is going to side with his dad right now, as mum is the soft touch. Also dad is handing out money to him like it went out of fashion. But my sons feelings come way above mine and if that is helping him to cope right now, then I am happy for him. At least his crying has stopped and his anger subsided, or refocused on me temporarily, so for that I am grateful.

Finally, despite that evil brute of a fathers treatment of you and your mum, she raised a very kind, caring and intelligent man, not with him (your father) but despite him. Now that is a strong and inspirational woman :)

Thank you all very much, your wise words are uplifting. As someone rightly said on another site, I was just his booty call of an ex, his security blanket. He could not let go until he found someone better in his mind, then he dropped me like a sack of.

I've sat around for this time, waiting for the new rings to materialise, the weekend away, the holiday with renewal booking to be confirmed. I blamed myself all last week, thinking If only I had let him stay over more, gone out partying with him a bit more etc. But I think with the help of some wise words here, I have realised that he had no intention of us working out and that he was actively seeking someone to replace me before he let go.

So now I feel rather stupid on top of everything else. When does the pain stop? I am no spring chicken and feel like not only have I just lost my husband of 20 years, but all hope of the future I had fully anticipated sharing with him. I feel such a sense of loss and emptiness, afraid that I may never find happiness again. Life seems so unfair right now and I fully admit to feeling bitter and resntful at times. I gave up so much for this man, stood loyally by his side as he lurched from drama to drama. Worked all hours God sent to help pay off his debts and as soon as I am no longer needed and he has money and a glamourous girlfriend, I am discarded like I am nothing. Not just discarded but vilified, called awful names, blamed and threatened. I can no longer afford this house as he has stopped paying and trying to get money out of him will be a long and difficult fight, so I now face losing my home again as even if he is eventually forced to pay, he will pay the minimum and not without a fight.

So yes, when I sit here with my heart and my life in tatters and struggle to stay strong for our son, it cuts like a knife to hear of their trips to the theatre and expensive meals out. Unavoidable sadly as this is a small village and he is a prolific social media poster as is she, so every move is photographed and well meaning people think they are helping me by telling me, though I have started asking them not to.

As i have said in a previous post, when he lost his job, I sold every item of jewellery I had, including sentimental items from my childhood. I worked two jobs at one point 18 hours a day 7 days a week to keep us afloat. I know I shouldnt feel like this, but I cant help it, I resent him treating her to all the things I had looked forward to in our later years. Not the expensive material things, but the love, care and attention, the random flowers, the romantic nights away, i didnt want or need 5 star, I would have been happy with a B&B, a camping trip together, anything that told me I mattered enough for him to do something nice for.

I honestly thought that a couple of months ago for my birthday, he was going to surprise me with the rings as Id certainly dropped enough hints about wanting us to take that step of being together again, this had gone on too long.

Instead what I got was a cheap silver necklace set and no it's not the price but the fact he knows I am allergic to silver and he also knew it was not something I would wear. My point is that there was absolutely no thought went into that gift and he didnt even come round that day, just sent the gift along with a bottle of wine, with our son. I spent the day alone and this was a special milestone birthday. i since found out he had taken her out for dinner that evening.

i also found messages on whatsapp today, which I had forgotten about. 3 weeks ago he sent me a message saying 'bored and lonely and poorly' he sent a picture of his woeful face. i laughed and said 'aww poorly boy, look at that face' and laughing emoji's. i said, well come round here and I'll make you some homemade soup and look after you. he replied 'thanks but it;s ok, im settled on the sofa now' I replied 'well i am here if you need me, ring day or night, love you' The following day i took him a food package and some soup, bought him all kinds of flu medication and his favourite sweets. I now know that by that time he had already been seeing and slept with her.

So yes, I am reeling, hurt, angry, bitter, broken, devastated and everything in between. i know people mean well when they say, time heals and he was an arse anyway, youre better off without him. But it doesnt help right now with the overwhelming sense of hurt, pain, betrayal and abandonment. The fact i am struggling to envisage a future that doesn't include him, I am totally broken inside and the pain and ruminations are relentless.

Thank you all again for your kind words and support, just writing all this down helps. I also want to send out my thoughts to all those who too are suffering right now. Most of us didnt ask or deserve to be treated like this.

Just an update and more self therapy. He has gone back down south to stay with her again, I assume this is not his final move as the dogs still need rehoming. So just another temporary love in visit for now it seems. I'm not doing too well today, the tears have been relentless. I went for a walk to try and clear my head and was crossing the field when a man I know vaguely from dog walking approached me. He said 'hi there, hows your husband, not seen him here with the dogs for a while. I just looked at him and then burst into tears, poor man. I apologised and sobbed all the way home, an embarrassing wreck, I cant seem to escape from the memories everywhere I turn.

I am strong in many ways, but emotionally I am not at all and i am finding this so very hard. I felt tempted to write him a letter telling him how much I love him, but I know that is totally the wrong thing to do and so came to write here instead.

I am missing him so badly, I keep expecting him to walk through the door, to hear his voice, smell his aftershave and feel his arms round me again. I know that isnt going to happen, those arms that have held me for 20 years are now holding her and I honestly wonder if this pain will ever subside.

I feel ashamed of being this weak, I have read posts on here from women (and men) who have coped with far worse, young children to raise etc and I feel guilty for being so pathetic.

Can this ever work again? realistically what are the chances in situations like this, that they return, regret their actions? I know some valued long term members here, must have read stories like mine a 1000 times, is successful reconciliation rarer that hens teeth?

Would a letter reminding him of the good times and all we have been through together , push him further away, or might he actually think about it when he closes his eyes at night. I think I know the answer to that already, but if he has gone for good anyway, what do I have to lose? My pride, self respect? I have none right now.

Thanks again for reading my ramblings and for your kindness and support. My head feels like a ball at Wimbledon and he has taken my heart with him.

More update, more stomping on my already shattered heart. I have just learned that ex and OW travelled back here from the South (over 300 miles) yesterday, so that ex could show her off to his friends. They took son out for lunch and met the in laws. having spent a happy 'family' day the loved up couple departed later in the day, back 300 miles. He was keen to show off his trophy girlfriend to everyone, but that is some trip in one day!

Son hasn't told me anything about this, it was my elder son who told me after he overheard a phone conversation, then saw them driving by.

Has this man got no sense of decency? no compassion? those were our 'friends' he has been showing her off too, or at least I thought they were.

I feel absolutely shattered, mentally and physically, abandoned and betrayed by everyone. I know I shouldn't but I also feel hurt that my son didn't tell me and that he was more than happy to join in the happy family day. I am starting to feel more and more resentment from son as days go by, ex is on top of the world and then some, giving him money left, right and centre. By all accounts my ex is totally infatuated with her and it is no doubt mutual.

I really do feel consigned to the scrap heap, worthless in every sense of the word and now humiliated too.

This all seems so very very unfair, it just keeps raining down on me. I am a broken mess and he is acting like he just won the euromillions on the love lottery! Son says he is full of it, like an excited child, bursting with happiness and his new found love.

All the while, I sat around living in hope that one day everything would be ok, that he would fulfil his promises to me about our future. Believing genuinely that he loved me.

I honestly feel like a childs favourite doll, the old reliable comfort for years. Then santa brings a new doll and the old one gets ripped apart and thrown onto the garbage heap to be taken away without a second thought.

I have lost all faith in finding love again at my age and I am not sure that i could love again as without trust there is nothing.

GP increased my meds today but I am already taking a few due to my PTSD.

I am lost, I am struggling very badly, I am angry at the world, at God, at everything.

I did nothing to deserve this pain and treatment. It is not even as if he is feeling any remorse whatsoever, or consideration for my broken status. I am sure he is aware how bad I am as son tells him everything and I can only hide so much.

I have read a few times on here that in these situations, it is beneficial to tell OW's estranged husband. I know they are going through a very nasty custody battle and divorce, hence why ex flipped last week when he thought I had told her ex. I hadn't, but I am beginning to wonder whether I ought to. There are two reasons if I am honest 1) because she deserves to be exposed and that smugness wiped off her face and 2) because since she has moved my ex in after meeting him briefly and is sending out naked pics of herself, I think her ex has a right to know as it could be important for his case. No it is not coming from some saintly desire to help the kids, it is coming from a desire to see some justice done in what seems like a very cruel and one sided war.

Could someone please tell me their opinions on whether I do or don't tell him and is that harrassment as long as I am polite, factual and to the point.

Please help me with this, I am stuck in a whirlpool of emotion and struggling to stay afloat. Especially since those two are metaphorically standing at the waters edge throwing rocks on my head and laughing.

Thank you

Thank you, great advice and taken on board. Sadly I had to ring the police tonight to remove our son. I have spent a week listening to his dad on loud speaker and subsequently my son abusing me and his brother. I have made excuses for it, justified it with his hurt and tried everything to be there for him. Tonight he walked in,pushed two fingers right in my face so my nose was aqyashed and called me a vindictive whore. Again I ignored it, but he is 6'3 and huge like his dad, very intimidating. He went upstairs and started on his brother my elder son who is 20 but more slight like me. He kept chest bumping my son around, then returned to the kitchen where he stood over me and threatened me with violence. I tried to stay calm and asked him to go to his room and calm down. He said 'no wonder dad left you, you fat ugly evil bitch' me dad and OW hate you. I continued to try and stay calm and in control, but he snatched my coffee off me, threw it across the kitchen, threw away my soup I was trying to eat, took my laptop off me and then grabbed my cat who I adore. He held her by the neck and she was squealing. I tried to get her but he swung her round and wouldnt let go so I rang emergency police number. He dropped my cat when he realised I was actually ringing police. They came out and me and elder son were so shaken. They went to sons room and he gave them so much abuse, officer said 'that young man has one hell of an attitude' The female officer actually hugged me as they left, they removed son and sent him to paternal grandparents. They have put a marker on my address and contacted social services to help me and the domestic violence unit. Sadly I think husband has had too much influence on son to change him now, so I need to protect me and elder son, who is the exact opposite.

Ex was blatantly using our son to bully and intimidate me and his brother, but mainly me. I feel so sad that he has been so brainwashed by his father and paid off, that he is prepared to turn on his mum and brother.

I kind of feel relieved that now agencies are getting involved to help, I need that help and protection.

God help OW, she has no idea what she is letting herself in for. Just wait til she crosses him.

This is becoming so bad its a nightmare and yet Ive had no contact with him!!! he just wont stop using son to threaten me and scare me. Why??? Ive left him alone for 2 weeks, why cant he just move on as he wanted to and leave it.

Do you have any friends or family to turn to for help and safety? Your WH is encouraging your son to bully, intimidate, and commit violence against you. You must take measures to protect yourself. Why would you ever want that evil man back in your life?