Hey Emptyshelldad
Me again. You just have to talk to me.
This month a year ago was when I found SI. It was precisely because I was just slipping into my 2nd depressive, suicidal phase that I was spending time on the internet looking for sites that would confirm that there was no hope that WW would ever understand the hurt she had caused me and that that would provide the justification I needed to do what I knew had to be done.
Thankfully, SI helped me at last find my anger. Boy what a change. How liberating. I had never experienced such power and the incredible feeling of at last being in charge of my life and my decisions.
You cannot believe just how intense that anger wave that hit was. You would not believe me if I told you what I, as man alone, was able to break and destroy.
But what the anger got me to see, committing "the act" would just be perpetuating me letting her run my life, and ruin the life of my kids. It would not be this brave "me taking control of my life and finally making a firm decision" thing. It would just be the natural next step in her control of my life. Her directing the final grand act of my life, as it where.
I can only hope that your anger stage hits soon, very soon. And hits hard.
Are you going to allow her to dictate the course of your precious little peoples lives?
Let that anger hit. Let it brew. Let it fester, until it explodes. Then take all of that planning that you are clearly so good at, and use it to plan your life with your kids. The happiest life you ever dreamed of, is with those kids. Believe me. It is not only possible. It is inevitable.
There are a whole crew of the nicest gents and laddies over in D/S. You need to spend some there.
There are the newly joined. Their threads are full of fear and hurt. But even in those, you see the relief of someone finally taking back control of their life. Setting themselves free from abuse.
But then look at the threads of the folk who have been there a little while. Some quite a while, like the wise Crone, josiep, the ever encouraging MOB and then, Chili, in my view, the sage of the D/S forum. But there are Simplicity, Taken4granted and ninon, relatively new, but even they are now sharing just how incredible they see their progress when they look back just a few weeks. There is my good friend squid, who has the patience of Job, and has done an incredible job of resisting the anger wave. I am still hoping that it will hit for him some time. In my view, it is the greatest propellant of true healing.
But the one that I would like you to read are the posts by Superdaddy. His journey through infidelity is scarily close to mine. He found SI about the same time as mine. He started his first JFO thread just after I had been here only a few weeks. His tread picked me up just when I needed it. And he and I have supported through the challenges, celebrated our little people, laughed together more that we thought we ever would, and are marveling at each others new found strength.
Cant wait to welcome you to the brotherhood.
Ask any question that you want on what you next steps are, we have walked the path, we pretty much know the way.
Speak to me Emptyshelldad, I am here listening.