SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey ESD, can you drop us a line and let us know how you and your DDs are doing?

I hope that you are taking care of yourself.

((((ESD))))

Broken - My main problem is that she sleeps like a baby most nights. What has happened, what she did ,doesn't seem to affect her at all. And my soul has been laid upon the sword of.betrayal, and bled out long ago. I carry it with me now, all shriveled and charred, what was once a lively and warm soul is now destroyed. It makes me sad. Or it would if didnt feel so dead too.

Betrayers sleep well because they are not harmed at all. They had the wildest, sexist time of their lives and whether they want to admit it or not, created memories they can cherish. That brings good sleep.

My FWS slept peacefully also. Even fell sound asleep 20 minutes after admitting he had feelings for the last FB.

When I asked him about this his reply was "I figured you would ask me to leave in the morning so I might as well go to sleep".

You aren't alone ESD.

k9

I would be tied up in knots and borderline psychotic and my FWH would be snoring so loud the paint was coming off the walls.

I would lay there and wonder HOW and WHY I was suffering so much and it obviously had no affect on his sleep what so ever.

Not that I am encouraging anything, but I used to fantasize about bludgeoning him with an iron during MY sleepless nights.

It is another layer of HELL for the BS.

(((hang in there)))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 11:07 AM, August 15th (Wednesday)]

Hello friend :)

I saw in another post that you talked about the Lord and what He wants for you. And I believe you know already, that He wants you healthy and whole, in this life He has given. And that only will happen with Him. And with some good support. I’m so thankful your kiddo told her mom and your family has reached out.

I am also so far from perfect it’s ridiculous! Please message sometime, and big hugs from another sister

-Ice

[This message edited by IceThee at 7:03 PM, August 16th (Thursday)]

Good evening everyone.

I've thought a lot about my life lately. And Im coming into some calm acceptance. The Lord makes us all for a purpose, and he chose to make me strong and hard through the fire of pain. But I also must learn that I am made strong, but I am not made for love. I'm not made to be loved. I'm here as a provider, a protector, but not as a thing to be loved.

My children love me, but I can't feel their love, because the Lord is trying to harden me to my role.

It makes me a better worker, I work construction from sun up until after dark. I own my own company and the Lord is showing me what he wants me to make money for my children and my lady. But my desire to be loved was a distraction. And as sad as it makes me, its the only way ill learn that henceforth, my heart will be locked away deep in the safety of my manor. And my cold one will take on my life to lead me to where my gifts from the Lord can be best used for his purposes without the painful distractions of my defective self.

No self pitty here, just a serenity that comes from understanding ones purpose.

Still hurting, badly, but time with my heart will help it scar over soon.

I have not posted on your thread in a long time if ever.

First of all, look up. You live in the great state of Montana. That's better than where I live

Also, you keep calling the WW 'my lady'. Why is that ? After her betrayal of you, and your own self recognition that you should be putting a shell around yourself for your own healing, why is she 'my lady' ?

Take care of your kids and you. Let her swim or die on her own. You deserve better than the two time betrayal you have had but it sounds like you have some success in your life. Seize that and make your days ahead better.

Don't be so tortured. Be enabled and find a better future with or without her. But 'my lady' she has proven herself not to be

I am not suggesting R or D, I am suggesting you finally figure out what you want and go get it. Loyalty is awesome if both parties agree to it. It means nothing if only one party is on board

[This message edited by Western at 9:28 AM, August 18th (Saturday)]

Hi, ESD, glad you checked in.

Western gave you some good advice.

You ARE worthy of love. Despite what you have been through, you need to understand that what your wife did does not take away the person you are deep down.

All of us here in JFO are scarred, many of us, including myself, have hardened our hearts. It will soften again, maybe not the way it was pre-A, but those little girls give you a reason to be successful, to love them, to accept their love, and to hopefully understand that you are not locked in this toxic environment.

Be successful. Take care of your girls. Make some new friends, take time for a hobby or a sport, give back to the community even in the smallest way, all of the above will do your heart a great deal of good.

I agree with Annb. You are worthy of being loved and your kids should be your motivation to be successful.

The more you believe this, the better your momentum and healing will be

ESD, please see a therapist. Love is a large component of God and everyone is made in His image including deserving love. This doesn't sound like a religious epiphany. It sounds like justification to stay numb and do nothing until the depression rears its ugly head again. Please get help.

I agree with nekonamida.

How can you reject your children's love? Think about what the learn from that.

We are all loving, lovable, and capable. Your W failed. You didn't, but you're on a failing path now. Stop. If you won't go to IC, I urge you to talk to your pastor.

Good to hear from you ESD, thanks for checking in :)

ESD, I don't think you are hearing all of HIS message to you.

Still yourself and listen to the rest of HIS message to you.

{{{{hugs}}}}}

k9

^^ what K9 said hun, I agree :) big hugs brother !

hey ESD

So good to read your updates, you have come so far my friend. YES you are lovable and worth loving, she just made you feel otherwise. You have so much love to give when the right woman comes along. Choose wisely is all, or I will be kicking your butt lol.

Good luck and keep moving forward, hugs

Hi guys,

Its not just her though. Its my first lady too. This is my second love, and both have done it. There must be something to learn from this.

It has made me cold, but also not weakened by emotion. Its not a choice to reject the love of my children. I receive their love, as best as I am able. But I feel that the Lord is trying to show me where my path is supposed to lead me.

And when I didn't learn the lesson the first time, he had to teach me again, through much more intense pain. Its a lesson I wont forget again. But I do wish the numbness would go. Even without love, I'd like to feel some warmth of the good things in life.

I think about all of you, even though I've never met any of you. I know you are also going through your own pain and struggles and yet you take the time to try and help a lost and broken soul like mine. I'm humbled and thankful for all of you.

Hi ESD

i know what you mean as it is the second time for me too. I was married at 24 and after 4 years found him outside the house getting it on with a mutual 'friend' when our son was 9 months old. So yes it is shit when it happens again, but it says more about them than us. I think in many ways the experience helps us to become stronger and wiser, with each hurt comes the ability to recognise a cheater early on. I knew my stbxh was up to no good when he didnt come home, I recognised the signs immediately. There are many people who unfortunately don't discover the affair for years, because they are so trusting if they have not been through it before.

Are you still living in your own place? what is the current situation?

I am not in my own place per se. I meant that we were all living with my brother when we got to boise, but now we are in our own home.

I'm trying really hard to stay strong. I just love her so much. The pain is much more intense because of my deep deep love. She can be so amazing. But the depth of damage is so destructive. She can't handle talking about it in almost any way. And that's killing me most of all.

"I just love her so much".

Empty you're in love with the woman she use to be. That person is dead. If you start thinking about all the things she's done to you (and your kids) I feel pretty confident that you wouldn't be saying "you love her so much".

Love is not words that you say (even though they're nice to hear).

Love is action(s) and your wife's actions say otherwise.

You sound a lot better than previous posts Empty. I truly wish you would go get help. Keep pressing forward and remember those kids of yours need you!!!

Our anniversary was today. It really felt like just another day. Its like I wanna cut or burn myself so I know that I'm still actually alive. We haven't had anything near hysterical bonding, in fact quite the opposite. Its really hard knowing she was so into the other guys and always wanting them, but then, when it comes to me, there is zero desire. I'm working on letting these foolish notions go. I'm not meant for this. The Lord has a plan for me, but it doesn't include being loved like that. I need to let that part of me die off. And I'd feel so much better. Or at least a lot less bad.

How you all are able to deal with all of this is really amazing to me.