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I’m waiting to see where this m counselor is going. Only 2 sessions so far and the last was split into 2 private sessions. I’m being very pleasant and nice but not taking any shit.

We work together and work very hard working 6 days a week. Ww said she was taking an extra day off work to go visit family and friends I said fine.

Waited a couple of days and then said I’m taking an extra day off to do something with our kids. She’s not happy with that. But I figure it’s got to be equal.

The mc came recommended by my lawyer. She appears to be highly qualified, years of experience and all that. I chose a female counsellor as I didn’t think ww would go to male counsellor.

I’m hoping that there is an element of good cop bad cop going on to gain ww’s trust. We’ll see.

I know what I want and need in the marriage.

Honesty trust love affection friendship support

But to get any of this back the truth has to come out. And she has to change her attitude to me. I’m not the enemy. We were best friends at the start.

Life makes things difficult but if we work together it can be better. But I’m not bending over backwards anymore. Not closing my eyes and pretending it’s ok.

50:50, partners. Maybe I’m being a little petty I’m not sure. Of course things will never be exactly equal.

I’m happy to work hard and be giving but I would like something back.

Hi Limbo

It’s been a while.... good to hear from you.

I’m glad you’re going to stand up for what you need to see to stay in your marriage. In the end it’s your choice what you put up with.

And it starts with the truth. Has she come clean about her A? If she won’t even do that, than there’s little chance she will become remorseful and be a safe partner to you in the future.

Please don’t give in and rug sweep all she has done.

I forget, do you think she’s still in an A today? Is she having improper contact with anyone? Can you know and account for her whereabouts at all times of the day and night?

No matter what is said in MC, don’t leave it with a situation where you have to live with a cheating wife. You deserve a relationship and life where you and your spouse face the world together as a team, giving all your love and emotion to each other, not to other people.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 6:41 AM, May 27th (Sunday)]

Session #3 of mc, no wife as she was ill. She went home from work early but I think she could have gone if she wanted. But I’m not pushing being the gentleman. Anyway good session at the en of it all. After the usual stuff about me working away, etc learning to be together again I pushed home my points. All the things from my earlier posts. The counsellor changed, told u had been to easy been a push over for to long and needed to stand my ground. I think I’ve heard that before,, oh yea on HERE,

She didn’t think it likely that my we would admit to much, but we would talk about it if she comes next week.

If ww doesn’t come to mc the counsellor said to contact my lawyer and proceed.

Can’t get much straighter than that. So next week is a big week. At least I’m playing by the book. Not getting wound up (well not to much but all under control )

Going to the gym tomorrow feeling good tonight.

That's a good step in the right direction, Limbo.

It's good that the MC was able to see things as they are and help you see you've made the right choice (to stand your ground). I think that's big that she told to move forward with the D like that.

Keep it up man

Are you in IC? If so, you should work on assertiveness there.

Your life will dramatically improve once you learn to ask for what you need and want.

I’m guessing the c was trying to draw my ww into dialogue by seeming to side with her. I hat to think it’s an woman man thing with woman siding with woman. Although mostly it’s men commenting now on my posts.

For me cheating and lying is just that, doesn’t matter about the gender.

Funny thing my we hasn’t asked me at all about if the c said anything about her not going or asked me how it was?

Has made me more positive, I was getting a bit worried that it was stacked against me.

Hey Limbo. I think it's a good idea to keep this thread running right here, but if you want opinions and input on therapists and reactions particularly from women and even other WW you might want to post what you just did in the form of a question or just "hey, what's your take on this?" kind of a post.

I would suggest either in general and lead with WS opinion's welcome!

Since your thread here has gotten pretty long in the tooth think that posting just the one thing in that spot will help get some fresh eyes and opinions on it.

Hope all is well,

Thanks Magnolia

Do you still plan to file for divorce?

The C said if ww misses another session there is no point in mc and I should file. So it’s on hold until then.

The c said she I should ask my we during an mc session what she wants. Confront her directly about her behaviour and ef and pa. it’s not been directly confronted yet as I took the softly softly approach. I know I know that doesn’t work. I’m a slow learner.

The c said that I need to stand up for my self. I have been but it’s been a slow process.

Honestly I’m not taking any more bullahit. But I am acting civilised. I know what I want.

So divorce is very much on the cards as I don’t think I’m going to get the honesty I want. And if I do will I want to live with it.

That depends on what my ww is prepared to do. I don’t mean to keep her in prison but transparency and honesty. And the most difficult love and friendship.

MC is a waste of money. It takes two people to save a marriage and your WW has shown through her actions she has no interest.

It is good that the mc seems to be on your side. I hope your confrontation goes well but be prepared for the worst. I reckon there is a good chance your wife will stonewall you.

Your right I’m sure, she will stonewall. The mc said the same. Why would she change now. I have a theory that she is waiting for me to end the marriage. That way she stays in the good light or so she thinks.

All I know I’ve done what I can and I’ve been a gentleman about it. To easy on her for sure. But if I got angry all that would happen is what happened to a friend his ex pushed and pushed until he yelled in front of the kids and then the police were called. They came in all aggressive and in the end he was slung in the back of the police van.

The marriage is over anyway. But I’m playing the game. If she really wants to be with me it will be a new start.

Limbo,

How you doing? Hope all is well.

Hi all

Still here in the club.

MC is still going on. No real progress yet. Going to have to up the tempo next session. It’s talk about the A or it’s over time. Can’t work on the marriage and our future until we clear up the mess. I’ve fallen back into the trap of being to easy, we’re talking about how to reconnect etc when we haven’t talked about the A yet.

I’ve let myself be steered away from it or I’ve shyed away from it. I only got results when I pushed my ww by having the house valued. So going to go in strong again. Talk about the A or it’s divorce, papers are with the lawyer.

I am however really enjoying going to the gym again. Feeling fitter and stronger already.

Thanks for the support everyone really makes a difference when people care.

You do understand the only one who can keep,you in this is you, right?

agreed Marz. Have you evaluated your losses versus gains in staying with this woman, Limbo ?

Regarding your buddy who got pushed, as a cop, I feel badly about that. My guys would never do that unless someone grew violent while we were there.

Don't challenge that, just ask yourself why you keep taking this ass sandwich over someone who doesn't give a shit

No offence to any cops I’ve got many friends who are cops. They have to react to what they see and a woman in distress and a man who has been guided into the situation can look aggressive.

I’m probably repeating myself and going to slow but im done being pushed. The difficulty for me and many people in this situation is when you felt genuine love the other person to comprehend why?..

But unless my questions are answered in the next mc session it’s over and it will probably be over anyway. I’m trying to do the right thing but I know in my heart it’s not doing anything. It takes to 2 to want to work it out. Her going to mc because she’s worried about the house tells it all.

I have realised that an unknown future without her will be better than a shit one that I know.

There has been so much to deal with coping with my cancer and marriage. I stopped worrying about marriage while I tried to cope with my cancer. But it has strengthened my resolve now, especially after going back to the gym after many years break, and slowly has made me realise how bad my M is and was.

I will keep you all posted thanks for listening to my rambling.

Hmmm.

IDK about all the talk about reconnecting in MC???

Do you really even know this person that you are trying to reconnect with.

All indications are that she is a cold, heartless, cheating, bitch. Ugh!

And she doesn't love you. There is that too.