SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Very true Tron I’m reaching for something that doesn’t exist. I know what needs to be done but it’s just taking the final step that’s hard.

I worry about my kids.

It’s all shit really. I’m tired though it’s late and I need sleep. I’ll keep you all posted hopefully I’ll find my courage to speak my mind again.

Hi Limbo it’s been a while how are you doing? . 😌

Surviving

Been going to MC which mostly has been a waste of time. I chose a female mc and while I’m sure that shouldn’t matter I’m struggling to get my points across.

All the points in my story seem to be ignored. The C has asked me if I have had counselling regarding my cancer?

The problems we have been having predate my cancer.

It seems that it doesn’t matter if my Ww has had an affair. But of course she hasn’t admitted anything.

However it was a big deal when my wife found a spy camera. It wasn’t plugged in. I fact I hadn’t used it.

I unfortunately admitted that I had seen a lawyer. I’m to honest I guess. The mc suggested that my wife see a lawyer to even things out. She hasn’t said if she has been yet.

I have however seen a card from a local lawyer with an appointment time and name. It’s the name of a lawyer that deals with family law. So that answers that question.

My ww has been spinning hard in mc. However the last session was pretty even and I was able to get a few points across.

But...... without admission to what has been going on by my ww there can be no reconciliation.

Been very busy at work and my gym sessions have slowed down. Going to get back into it.

Looks like D will be the only way forward. I’ve tried but I’m not going to get any info from my ww.

Tracking devices are illegal over here. As is phone hacking.

The only good thing with all this is that I’ve become stronger inside. Doesn’t matter about what she says or sneeks around doing. I’ve noticed people who cheat think they are very clever and no one knows but it soon becomes easy to see.

“Words are wind” to quote game of thrones. But so true.

It’s my wife’s actions that show her true feelings.

Been going to MC which mostly has been a waste of time. I chose a female mc and while I’m sure that shouldn’t matter I’m struggling to get my points across. All the points in my story seem to be ignored.

Why are you still spinning your wheels with this woman who obviously doesn't give 2 sh*ts about you and hasn't for a long, long time? I get being in love and wanting answers, believe me I do. But this woman is a very skilled manipulator and if you keep covering the same ground in mc and waiting around for her to own up to something you already know deep in your heart is true, she is going to get the upper hand and screw you out of everything you have worked so hard for: your home, your business, and custody of your children.

Please, for the sake of your sanity, end this farce of a marriage and find yourself and true happiness again. It's out there - you just have to want it bad enough to go after it.

Limbo79, I see what you're doing, you are procrastinating with going forward with the D.

I completely understand. My 91 year old inlaws live on our property as well, I have procrastinated for 5 years because my decision to D will affect the lives of those who have relied on my WS and myself to ensure they are cared for until their eventual death. My age also plays an important role, I'm in my 50's and I know that it will be scary to start over, but I look forward to making my own choices after my D.

It is a huge step to take but your health, both mentally and physically is so important to keep up and it sounds like you're regressing BIG TIME. Push that gym a few more nights a week.

Forget about the potential loss of the farm and set a goal to be there for your children in the years to come. (prostate cancer is a hereditary gene in my family, I know that your frame of mind post treatment can still affect your overall recovery.)

Don't regret your choices and especially don't be the person who lost sight of their goals. Only you control the path you choose to follow.

I'm sending you positive mojo!!

Limbo79,

Are you keeping up with the 180 aside from MC?

dump the counselor, give her bad ratings and move to D so you can free yourself of this cancer

I guess I’m hoping to hear my ww confess. I know that this will not happen a and I’m not sure what my response would be. I truly believe that I’m close to the end of the marriage. It will have to be me that ends it which what I think she wants.

I will lose the Farm and House at least until my kids are all grown up. Another 4 - 6 years.

My wife’s parents will have to find somewhere else to live. I’m guessing I’ll have to either rent a small place or live above my business. That’s if we don’t have sell the business.

She will actually be alright financially as there are many benefits for single parents. That’s if she gets custody and not me.

I would like equal custody but we’ll see. I’m going to try and find out what she wants if we get divorced before it happens. I don’t want to go through a long expensive legal battle where only the lawyers win.

Fortunately for the last year we have been equal providers since I left my overseas job. We have also being caring for the kids equally the last year.

I don’t know how it works in the states but you can’t really use any spying info as evidence. And it can be illegal.

I don’t need any of that to work out that my marriage has gone to sh*t.

I know you all have a great wealth of knowledge that you wish you had never had to learn. And I appreciate it all but I’ve got to take it at my pace.

Hi all

I’m out taking one of my know kids to one their games and have a few minutes to think. I’ve been sitting reading other people’s posts of their problems. And I realised with so many of us we deny that it could be happening. Or that we could have married someone who would do this. Easier to deny and blame ourselves.

I’m going back and reading the old posts and advice that everyone gave me. I’ve just maid it easier in the end for my ww every time I make a little progress I take a step back.

Every time I try to talk it isn’t the right time or she’s tired or not feeling well. Or in MC we are talking about how we can reconnect, or how I need to trust my wife and give her space.

I’m letting this go on now not her. I’m the one causing myself sleepless nights and pain. Never thought I’d feel so fucked up for so long.

I’m getting back in the gym. Going to call my lawyer. Going to concentrate on getting the end game in place. I’m realising there is no reconciliation if there is no admittance of wrong. Ive been scared of what’s going to happen if it ends or I have to end the marriage when she already has ended it. It’s the past and I have to deal with my future and my future with my kids. I know my wife has talked to a lawyer now but she hasn’t said. I’ve told her I have. So next step is to file. I don’t want it to become a sit fight and have huge lawyer bills but that’s up to her. I hate the little games that have to be played and the guessing. And I don’t have to.

I’ve been reading successful stories where the bs said that’s it and stuck to it.

I know whatever I do she will spin it to her friends and family but so be it.

Wish me luck and courage to stick by my guns.

Don't telegraph your moves to her, Just file for D on Adultery grounds and EXPOSE the heck out of her with ALL family, friends and even co-workers if any, she's been talking to a lawyer, don't let her file first, seize control and put yourself in the driver's seat, if all that exposure does not shock her out of the A then nothing will, then let D run its course.

Your WW does NOT need more space in your marriage, "more space" almost always means more time to get laid with OM. DO NOT let her control the narrative with relatives, EXPOSE the A now and have her served at work. Please keep posting, you're going to need sound advice from people who have seen it play out hundreds of times here in SI and do not tell her about this site.

First of all, Good Luck (something I usually end a post with)

Limbo, sometimes it takes a while to get our minds around what has happened to us. To realize the injury that’s been caused by a loved one.

And then it takes a while to realize that the other person doesn’t care enough to heal that injury. It’s not your fault. This is human nature. This is brain chemistry.

The things you are beginning to sort out in your brain are the same things that thousands of BS’s here have worked through their own minds to come to similar conclusions. Just know you’re on the right path in doing so.

You know what you need in order to heal, reconcile and be safe in the M. If she can’t give it to you, there’s no chance for happiness with her.

Some have found that taking action thru D papers, etc actually snap the WS out of it and make them realize how poorly they’ve treated the BS and start to feel remorse. That’s why so many of those early posts said to have her served.

But no path is 100% foolproof. So don’t kick yourself. You did it the way you needed to do that.

But now I hope you start to realize that with her attitude there is only one way out of Limbo. It’s time to start taking those steps and see where it goes. Yes many of your family will be affected, but you deserve a happy life, you only have one.

I hope your time here has helped you come to that point and provided the proper support for you in the decisions you have to make now.

Good luck.

[This message edited by Stevesn at 1:21 PM, July 25th (Wednesday)]

It sounds like your wife hates you. From what you have written I expect she will try and take you to the cleaners. I think you should stop trying to be the nice guy and look out for number 1.

[This message edited by Smillie at 1:29 PM, July 25th (Wednesday)]

Congratulations on making the decision. You have gone above and beyond what most would do to try to reconcile. File. I know that is hard with kids but stick to your guns, don't feel sorry for her, get tough.

Hi all

I’m out taking one of my know kids to one their games and have a few minutes to think. I’ve been sitting reading other people’s posts of their problems. And I realised with so many of us we deny that it could be happening. Or that we could have married someone who would do this. Easier to deny and blame ourselves.

I’m going back and reading the old posts and advice that everyone gave me. I’ve just maid it easier in the end for my ww every time I make a little progress I take a step back.

Every time I try to talk it isn’t the right time or she’s tired or not feeling well. Or in MC we are talking about how we can reconnect, or how I need to trust my wife and give her space.

I’m letting this go on now not her. I’m the one causing myself sleepless nights and pain. Never thought I’d feel so fucked up for so long.

I’m getting back in the gym. Going to call my lawyer. Going to concentrate on getting the end game in place. I’m realising there is no reconciliation if there is no admittance of wrong. Ive been scared of what’s going to happen if it ends or I have to end the marriage when she already has ended it. It’s the past and I have to deal with my future and my future with my kids. I know my wife has talked to a lawyer now but she hasn’t said. I’ve told her I have. So next step is to file. I don’t want it to become a sit fight and have huge lawyer bills but that’s up to her. I hate the little games that have to be played and the guessing. And I don’t have to.

I’ve been reading successful stories where the bs said that’s it and stuck to it.

I know whatever I do she will spin it to her friends and family but so be it.

Wish me luck and courage to stick by my guns.

Didn’t mean to post that twice. Writing it down was the easy bit thanks for the support.

Strength to you moving forward Limbo79.

You are going to be ok.

Millions of people have already trod this path ahead of you.

Keep moving forward and you will get to a better place.

Thanks guys

Going ahead with divorce.

Couldn’t sleep last night. Only about 4hours. Churning things over in my mind. Need to focus. All this is not good for my health and Not good for fighting my cancer.

Then very busy at work. Living on coffee.😁 least love coffee.

Had a bad day mentally. Think it was the bad sleep and the decision to end the marriage. Counselling ain’t doing didly squat. Except giving ww room to manoeuvre.

Can’t understand how someone could marry you, have kids with you, then put me through all this. And watch me deal with cancer. Soul destroying.

At least I had a good night with my kids dinner and movie at home.

My first weekend evenings off since the middle of January and she chose to be with girlfriends. And she is doing it tomorrow to.

Easier like this I guess cause if she was nice I might change my mind.

Really is depressing though.

Why not ask the mc why its so vital you trust your wife when she has abused your trust already and thus proven she's unworthy of blanket trust by her actions.

Wait a second or two to let that sink in.

Then ask when when do we start to work why my wife is untrustworthy and what she can do to change to become a person worthy of trust.

Pause again.

Then tell mc that you thinkb Giving trust before wife changes to trustworthy is really putting the cart before the horse.

Pause again.

Then ask mc don't you think so too?

Then lean forward and stare intently at them and watch them squirm.

Thats my 2¢.

If I were you I would not waste one more second in MC - no, Not. One. More. Second.

Continue with your plan to divorce. The window of opportunity for her to become a devoted and trustworthy partner in your marriage is long gone.