SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Wocket,

You said, “I don’t really mind occasional coke usage.” Here’s something to reflect on.

This is copied from the Medical Examiner's autopsy report of a friend. College graduate, loving husband and father but coke took him down just two weeks ago.

Primary Cause of Death:

Cardiac tamponade due to aortic dissection associated with toxic effects of cocaine

It’s not worth it.

So after therapy this week I’m now thinking to myself “you know, that relationship really wasnt as good as you thought it was.”

At this stage of the game I don’t think I would think that without a counselor. I would have gotten there eventually, but who knows how long it would have taken for that kernel to take root.

I’m sure I’ll go back and forth between this and pining. But this feels good because it makes me feel like I’m on the right track and where I need to be.

Yes - to all of this! When we are ending a relationship we all (especially men) idealize the time spent with our lover. The memories seem to only be of the good she brought us and sort of filter out reality. Every relationship has bad times, every person can be an asshole, and your relationship was NOT the panacea that your selective memory recalls. It's a normal response and your IC has clearly done a good job holding up a reality-mirror for you. Yes, you'll go back and forth but you will gradually accept the reality of your relationship. When you get to that point it is a sure sign of your personal healing.

Yes, you would have come to the realization that she wasn't a true Goddess on your own - as long as you remained NC with her. Each time you see her you set back the detachment that is so vital to you seeing her for who she truly is and what she did. So please do your very best to stay NC with her. Even the logistical stuff should be able to be handled by or through a third party. This might sound like overkill but it is the best thing you can do at this time.