SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yup perjury will definitely cost her her job, it’s really unfortunate bc I didn’t want any of this to happen.

She cheated on me, divorced me, is with the man she cheated on me with.

I didn’t fight the divorce once I found out about the other man, I gave up, I lost. She won.

Now she wants to come after me bc I exposed all of her nonsense on Facebook? It amazes me, it really does.

I’ve accepted that our marriage is dead, I’ve been trying to move on, yet here I am, with a bs restraining order, until Thursday that is.

I don’t wanna say it’s a slam dunk, but thank god for iCloud recovery. I deleted all those text messages and if it wasn’t for the cloud I wouldn’t be able to prove her accusations wrong.

I can’t beljeve this is the woman I married, I seriously can’t. Well yes I can, she’s always been petty. I guess I shouldn’t have expected any different when it came to our divorce.

One shit sand which after another.

Didn't you say the gun thing was on or a few days after D-Day?

That should count against her for waiting until how many months later to feel concern for her safety?

Especially with your very limited contact.

If you've been texting to work out divorce details, you might see if you can pull the records from your cell carrier as well. It could be cross-referenced with your cloud data to show you included everything. Just a thought.

Sending positive thoughts your way, Bulldawg.

The gun thing was ON Dday. It was the night I caught her drunk at our neighbors house.

So yeah she sure did wait for a long time to “fear for her safety”.

Idk if that would count against her or not, I would imagine that this RO was put in her head by the other man, but that is just speculation.

I’m actually feeling quite confident that I’ll beat this. This is the most confident I’ve felt in a very long time. There was only once were she asked me to not contact her again, and that was two months ago. Since then I haven’t contacted her once.

The fact that a judge actually signed off on this blows my mind, but I have all the proof I need. I even have pictures that she stupidly posted to her Instagram while we were still legally married of them on their weekend away in Savannah Georgia if she really wants to go down this road.

Time will tell I guess

I don't know how different the wording is on RO's from state to state, but if your state is anything like mine, chances are she stretched the truth in more than one instance to get it.

Judges essentially make sure it's filled out and meets the minimum standard before signing, which is why you have an opportunity to contest it. If I tried to get a RO on my ex today, I would not meet the minimum standard set by my state. I'd have to pursue other options.

I would suggest going through the RO line by line and make notes on everything you can refute, every instance where she's exaggerated or lied, and gather proof for everything you can. That's assuming that your copy lists everything she said to get a judge to sign off.

Just based on the little information here, I feel like your chances of getting it dismissed are pretty good.

Your best defense will be the texts. Also, if you are in IC, be ready with proof to show you had a very temporary lapse in sanity upon receiving the total annihilation of your life and that you have been getting help. I'm not saying offer it up right away, but have it ready in case you need to.

It's better to have and not need, you know?

RE: perjury in Divorce cases

Forget it.

The whole system assumes one side is not telling the truth. There is never anyone charged with perjury (or even filing a false report) unless it's a chronic issue, in which case it's more the court getting tired of the antics and not "prosecuting lies."

Just Google "perjury in Divorce cases" and see what comes up. A lot of warnings not to lie, but few prosecutions (a few attorney websites even point out that charges are very rare, even with Rick solid proof)

As I recommended, read the book "Splitting" this is all covered. How to successfully combat the lies

PS - I'm not say I g you won't get the RO thrown out. Sounds like you will. But hoping she gets charged with perjury? Nope. Not gonna happen.

It should though. That would put a quick stop to false DV charges.

It's not perjury in the divorce case, WD. It's perjury in the RO filing, which hopefully makes a difference.

She would have had to attest that she was being truthful. If she lied, she should have consequences. Otherwise it makes it that much harder for real victims.

I went through the same bullshit, Bulldawg. I took a while to catch onto the role I was playing in mine and my ex’s drama post dday. You know, the typical post dday emotional roller coaster and fighting many couples go through. As I became more and more aware of my own behaviors, I simply quit reacting and arguing back. Finally I got to the point where I sent her a brief letter telling her that I was done and she wouldn’t be hearing from me again. 2 months after that, the cops should up at my door to serve me with a protection order...

After 2 fucking months of me not contacting her in any way! She bullshitted her way through the process. Embellished and flat out lied. It was enough to get her P.O. and turned into a bit of a nightmare for me to get thrown out (more because of the court process than anything), but I did get it thrown out.

As for perjury. I’d be very surprised if anything would happen there. The sad reality I’ve had to face when it comes to D.V. is that the courts are more interested in siding with caution and protecting their own careers by carelessly handing out P.Os in case something could happen. Perjury could be used as a “blaming the victim” tactic against the courts...so they’ll avoid that to save face.

I wish you luck with your case. It can be a bullshit system some times and sadly there aren’t consequences for false accusations. Just one more shit sandwich for the road.

Well to be honest with you, I doubt that she will get hit with it. My lawyer was just telling me the possibility that it could happen.

I don’t want her to lose her job, I don’t want anything to do with her, that’s the point.

I found out that the sole reason she filed the RO was bc I posted a screenshot of her admitting to the affair on Facebook. As one of her former co workers told me “everyone believes him, no one believes me, my own mother won’t talk to me anymore. I never thought everyone would turn against me”.

Keep in mind, that’s just from another’s mouth. I have no idea if it’s true or not. Thing is she blames me for everything that’s hapoened to her. She can’t seem to understand that if she didn’t have the affair we would probably be happily married.

All this is the fallout from the nuke she dropped. And all she is doing now is being petty bc no one believes her side of the story. No one with half a brain would believe it anyways.

She tries to tell people that I’m a toxic person, that they just happened to get together after she filed for divorce, that the night I caught her drunk over at his place didn’t happen. Etc.

There’s a reason why nobody buys her BS, bc it’s BS.

You don’t go from being married one week to filing for divorce and living with another man the next week and expect people to believe nothing was going on.

But whatever, it doesn’t matter now. Now my only focus is to go to court Thursday and show all the proof that I have that I don’t want anything to do with her. That I haven’t contacted her, that I don’t plan on contacting her, and that I’ll never speak to her again.

I’m so beyond done with this woman, and I’m tired of her little games. I just want to be left alone and move on with my life.

:) sounds like a good attorney. If you're in GA I think that's a good thing actually. I over in your neck of the woods once with some similar issues though it's been years. I had someone attempt to get a restraining order against me and they had IMO and legally waaaaaaaaay more than what you've got against you (as in pending assault type charges) and the judge still threw it out because there wasn't any proof of sustained harassment. Your X is acting like a crazy person so the more you don't do that the better off you are going to look in the court system. Those judges have seen all this shit before so many times it's not even funny. A decent attorney on your side and I think you'll be okay.

You're starting to get it. It's not easy for anybody and it's okay to grieve. Just try to keep working on yourself and it'll get better Bulldawg.

Stay Strong,

I hear ya, man! When I finally got to that point where I just wanted to move on with my life, she kept trying to play the games too.

Looking back at it all now, she was playing the short game, I was playing the long game. She needed to do immediate damage control to save face. Which means I had to be the scapegoat and reason to why she did what she did. She had to tell everyone that would listen what a horrible person I was to garner sympathy for her actions. The P.O. was just one of those ways to paint me as the asshole she needed me to be. “See the courts even say he’s an asshole!”

I on the other hand didn’t share very much with anyone. I’ve never been into social media, so I didn’t share anything there. I simply confided in a few friends and waited out the storm. It took some time, but people are astute, they seen through her games and the war she tried to wage on my character became more clear to those around us.

Like I said, I hope you can get this R.O. thrown out quickly. After that, please do avoid contact at all cost and keep the drama off social media. Drama will be looking for any chance it can get back into your life, don’t open the door.

Looking back at it all now, she was playing the short game, I was playing the long game.

That's a good point.

It reminds me of my ex: she thought she was scoring points by making claims about abandonment, not enough money, etc., when I was paying out the wazoo. In the end, I kept my powder dry and won the long game.

Loukas' words are dead on: Don't get wrapped around the axle on the chaff she's throwing your way. Define your long term goals/objectives and keep making sure those are what you are working towards.

Hang tough, man!

Bulldog

remember the most important issue with a restraining order is that she is claiming she fears for her safety. As long as you can show that the incident happened months ago and after that you had contact that was civil and she obviously wasn't in fear for her safety, the courts usually throw them out. The longer the time between the last incident and the date she filed is your best friend. One of the last questions your attorney should ask is why if she feared for her safety , did she wait two months to file. Good luck

Bulldawg, I'm so sorry. I was a victim's advocate for a long time and have sat in on RO hearings. False accusations are emotional abuse.

I talked with an old recruiter friend and he said you should talk with your recruiter before you go to court. The military will have to review your case - court transcripts included - and a recruiter might have tips to help you stay eligible.

Two biggest reasons people lose: they show up late (or don't show up) and they forget evidence at home and in the car. Around here, you can't retrieve anything - no matter how important - once the hearing begins. Please use a checklist so you know you have everything you need before you leave home AND AGAIN before you leave your car.

Do not count on your lawyer to bring everything you need. They make mistakes too, so be sure to CYA.

Also, I don't know if this is possible where you are, but here, you can petition the court to expunge your order. Definitely something to check out after everything settles down.

We'll be thinking of you.

I’ll have to check out on how to get it expunged.

My understanding is that this will be removed from my record if the judge decides not to uphold it.

I’ve wenr and got a copy of my lease when I removed my name to counter that charge she accused me of too. She said I illegally entered HER apartment back in April. My name was on the lease until May.

It’s reallt unfortunate, I was hoping that years down the road we could at least be civil with one another, as I did consider her to not only be my wife, but my best friend. But now? No way no how.

She can’t make dillusional excuses anymore. She is fully aware of what she’s done and what she’s doing. I never saw the devil when I was with her, but I see the devil now.

What’s she’s doing and done, I couldn’t do to my worst enemy, much less someone that I loved so much to marry.

I honestly don’t know what I did for her to hate me as much as she’s does. I didn’t cheat, I didn’t divorce her, I didn’t leave her for a woman 13 years older than her. She did all of this, all I did was post her affair to Facebook so she couldn’t lie about it anymore.

Once I found out about the other guy, I didn’t fight the divorce, I didn’t talk to her, I wanted our marriage over.

Her mother won’t talk to her, no one believes her side of the story, her work is being effected by all of this, how many signs does one have to get before they realize that if she didn’t cheat, we would still be happily married right now.

I just do not understand how she can look herself in the mirror and claim to be a victim, all while treating me Like im the bad guy.

I just do not understand how she can look herself in the mirror and claim to be a victim, all while treating me Like im the bad guy.

Bulldawg- you have to be the bad guy! So she can look in the mirror and believe she is a victim. You are wasting brain cells trying to make sense from nonsense!

I talked with an old recruiter friend and he said you should talk with your recruiter before you go to court. The military will have to review your case - court transcripts included - and a recruiter might have tips to help you stay eligible

That is a really good idea because the recruiter might have suggestions on how to work certain phrases to smooth the process as far as the military.

Words can matter a lot.

I'm glad somebody brought this up.

This issue with the gun is probably going to be a problem.

Sorry.

k9

She cheated on me, divorced me, is with the man she cheated on me with.

I didn’t fight the divorce once I found out about the other man, I gave up, I lost. She won.

You won Bulldawg. I don't feel that you see that yet. Still tasting the shit sandwich. I believe that you will though.

False accusations are emotional abuse.

you have to be the bad guy! So she can look in the mirror and believe she is a victim.

Imagine living life with a person who can do this and add a line of thankfulness/gratitude when you journal. You have escaped a life of shit sandwiches. I am hoping for the best for you.

True, my lawyer did tell me that the one thing she was actually honest on should be a problem.

However he said if that comes up, we will ask why she didn’t file a restraining order the next day instead of 3 months later. We will also ask her why she agreed to go to marriage counseling twice after it happened.

Doesn’t seem like something that someone fears for their life would do.