SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I read about “post-nuptial” agreements on a blog about infidelity and wondered if anyone here has done one or considered doing one?

I considered it, but I don't see the point. In my state, I know the laws. It wouldn't matter if I had a post nup with a infidelity cause, the courts don't care here who's fault the divorce would be. As far as kids go, I know my state likes 50/50 custody, again not caring that a wayward might not have the kids best interest at heart.

So my advice, contact a lawyer ask them about the above, know your rights. I believe most lawyers will meet w you to discuss divorce and rights no charge, and I am sure will answer about post nups.

I am considering one. I don’t think I’d do an infidelity clause per se, because it can be so nebulous.

I completely agree need to talk to an attorney (actually 2 or 3) to get an understanding. A good attorney should be able to give you a free consultation and answer basic questions on what the laws are, what the reality of enforcement is, and what options are for post-nuptials in cases of infidelity. Just tell them you are trying to understand the process and what options are. (Disclosure- I am an attorney, just not at all in this field but regardless of speciality a free consult to answer questions is standard)

I spoke with an attorney about a divorce and a post nup. For the cost of the post nup, I could have just went ahead and gotten a divorce, so I didn’t go through with it. My state splits assets 50/50 and I am/was eligible for child support and alimony, so it just wasn’t worth it to me. I almost just printed one out and had him sign it, but to be honest, I think I got lazy.

They aren't legal in my state, unfortunately.

However, I still wrote one up that looks freaking amazing and WH signed it. It might not be worth the paper it is printed on but he doesn't know that!!

I have one, but I'm going to refrain from giving much advice because the rules vary tremendously between states.

If you have to ask, then you need to see a lawyer.

The only thing I'll say is that even in states that allow postnups, I believe that child custody issues are off limits and will always be adjudicated separately.

Depending where you are, they are not usually legally enforceable but if both parties have taken proper advice, they can inform the path the court will take and will often be taken into account so I think in many places, they can be worthwhile. It would have to be shown probably that at the time of the agreement that assets in the post-nup were split 50-50 so that it was fair at that point. If that makes any sense.

I didn't do a formal one. I had other advantages. (an attorney that is successfully a pit bull of a divorce lawyer in my family, written declarations by my husband to his xAP that I had given up everything and he would automatically give me half of all we had, plus always take care of me if I ever caught them and left - I filed away nicely for evidence if I ever needed it. And a whole set of associates of his who know everything he accomplished happened with my hands on help. Additionally, after DDay, he shifted more and more assets into my name as proof of intent. I guess you might consider that to be "a few birds in the hand" situations.)

I am absolutely not against them, though. I just knew what strategies I could use effectively as I considered my resourses and option.

So - I agree with the advice. Consult to learn the laws of where you are. Have a good attorney on hand always (really, you should know some good attorneys anyhow, life is very unpredictable), and then, assess your assets, resources and incomes.....if you are repairing a marriage, a remorseful WS should be very willing to do whatever is necessary to make you feel safe, included on all further decisions and design all future planning to make you the priority over everyone and anyone else FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.

After all, that is how it always should be.

Oh, if if you do come across anything where they told the AP they would never desert you. Keep it. Not just for legal leverage, but because ALL OF US DESERVE ANYTHING THAT IS A REMINDER THAT WE ARE THE SPOUSE, with all the rights, responsibilities and privileges . Not the AP.

As others pointed out above it is entirely dependent on what state you live in. I happen to live in one where they are allowed, can be surprisingly favorable to one party over the other and are routinely enforced. They are not silver bullets that end your problems and they certainly do not stop anyone from cheating again.

If allows and enforceable in your state - they do provide a more predictable outcome to a future dissolution of the marriage. They tend to be more useful in larger more complex marital estates where there are substantial assets or business interests. To do them the right way is generally not cheap and you really want to get someone who knows what they are doing.

I have one and would not have considered reconciliation without it. It does not fix a marriage but can help mitigate risk in the enormously high risk activity that we call reconciliation.

Talk to a lawyer. A good one and find out if it is an option in your state.