SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My brother's ex-wife married her AP fifteen ago and they are still married ... they had a child together.

How is your brother now?

Is he had any kids with her?

I know of one for certain, my WW and me. Married since 1981.

She was married when our relationship began although her H was aware and ok with it, he was having a known A as well.

She had a previous A, maybe 6 months (?) before our relationship started and eventual D was just a matter of time and money.

She has had multiple A's during our marriage.

Are we still married, yes, for now.

Are we or have we been happily married, possibly for the first few years but since, obviously far from it.

Would I suggest marrying an AP or a known serial cheater, NEVER! There is no one nor any thing worth taking that risk, I have personal proof it's not worth it.

He is happily remarried to a really nice lady -- and they adopted two children out of foster care. : )

I know three couples who've been together for 20+ years. Jealousy is a constant, not just of other people either. The guys all seem hung up on money. The ex that got this and that in the divorce. The wife that is spending too much. The boss that doesn't pay enough. It's weird. Probably goes back to some victim mentality.

WH's parents. THey have been together about 30 years (I think) but are not married. WH's mum told me she doesn't believe they need a piece of paper (whilst also being glad that WH and I chose to marry in a church as otherwise the M was not 'real' in God's eyes...).

His Mom was married twice before, WH has 2 older half sisters (from each of those marriages). WH's mum and dad have WH, a younger brother who passed away at a few days old and a younger sister. Wh's dad was married before meeting WH's mum (who was also still married). Her second husband was not a nice person. He's in prison for fraud (in a highly public case) and unlikely to be released for a lot of time. Other authorities were in touch with WH's eldest sister about other charges that could potentially be brought, but there is not currently evidence. She has been invited to testify in future.

On top of this WH had some very troubling apects of his childhood, violence, anger, constant family feuds with his dad's extended family. There were also a lot of family secrets that WH was not made aware of until he reconnected with his oldest sister as an adult (his sister left home at 18 when WH was only 2). I have to admit even I was shocked with some of hwat she told me.

It's rare that I would minimise the effect of infidelity but I think the fact that his mum and dad originally got together as an extramarital affair is probably the least of the problems wrt WH's early life.

But I would say that when WH finally left "the fog" it was an added layer of guilt/pain knowing about his family. Feeling that he was part of some cycle of pain caused by heredity character flaws. It's difficult to reconcile that personality and mental health traits can be genetic while acknowledging personal responsibility for the consequences of individual choices/actions/behaviours.

Sorry. Think I wandered off topic a bit.

I'm not suggesting people born out of affairs are doomed to have affairs of their own. I guess I'm just saying it's not ideal for children to come from unhappy relationships or circumstances

I get triggered when I consider this...I worry...I feel rejected...

The truth is, WH and I were married 35 years in total...Im sure he cheated the entire time....I was unaware.. I knew something was wrong...I wasnt happy....I was aware we would eventually D...gut instinct was working...

So, being together, doesn't mean happiness...as in all troubled marriages, some stay for the children, some stay for finances, some stay for health, some stay for hope....what you see, is not always the truth.

..they can stay married......EVen if they improve themselves, they have this horrible past...it doesn't disappear. We cant see behind closed doors. And besides, I know what its like to live with him..people don't change that much.

If they are happy, IMHO, its only because the new AP is still in the stupid, naïve stage..

I know WH coworker/friend, is married to AP...18 years younger...they just had a baby....and he put the move on me the last time I saw him...while she was pregnant....Hes been a serial cheater thru all his marriages...He hasn't changed..they wont last long...she saw him do this.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 1:35 PM, August 17th (Friday)]