SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My friend was M to a serial cheater. At DDay she found out he had OC and a fiancée and two OW. D him andcnever looked back. She remarried years later - very happy.

The XH married the fiancée and had a child. And he continued to cheat.

My friend was the OW and broke up a M. Relationship didn’t last. She then had a child by a different Married man years later. He did not have any part in the child’s life and she was a single mom.

Another friend announced st her FIL’s wake she was cheating on her H and was leaving him. No joke. At the wake!!!! They D but the H made her life miserable!

My grandmother was a serial cheater. Married 5 or 6 or 7 times. All nice guys who were sucked in by her charm and beauty. Luckily my dad was very different and he never cheated. Still married to my mom 50+ years.

My other grandmother had a few younger sisters who married young to get out of the house and away from an abusive father. Unfortunately the marriages didn’t last and they remarried a second time and they all lasted. No one was cheating though. The 1st M lasted about a year.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 2:33 PM, August 16th (Thursday)]

What is lost in all this is the impact on children. If they are blessed with 2 idiots for parents it is difficult for them. In family courts, when they do not have at least one strong/good parent or attach to a dysfunctional parent life seems very difficult.

(No soliciting) they don’t get a character transplant by jumping into a relationship with someone else. If they haven’t worked on themselves as a person then they are bound to repeat the same mistakes.

There are definitely couples that started out as AP’s that might have a happy marriage. I believe these are the ones that took ownership for what they did, had remorse, and took the steps to ensure they wouldnt let that one action define who they are as a person.

Then you have the others - the selfish liars, serial cheaters, not taking ownership or blame. Who believe it was their spouse that was making them unhappy, and that everything will be fine with the new person.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:59 AM, August 17th (Friday)]

I suspect but am not sure of only one.

My husband still with his OW. They’re happy. I’m sure they will never break up.

I could think of 5. One female AP married the cheating husband, had a son, was cheated on with LTA after 13 year or so, now divorced. Another female AP was more than a decade younger, had a daughter, when the husband was terminally ill, he returned to his wife after years of living with the AP. A third was my uncle who married a “bar girl” and had a son. They remained happily married until she died of cancer. Another aunt of mine was the OW. It was kept hush hush until the wife passed away after decades together and they can finally marry. They were senior citizens by then. My uncle passed away and she never dated again. She is in her late 89’s now. The fifth is a friend who is happily married now but every time someone asks how they met, she feels the need to explain that she is not a home wrecker because his relationship with his wife was basically over. Hmmm...I don’t buy it!

How about we ask "How many have functional, happy relationships?"

lostandbound,

From the US Census Bureau

Divorce rates:

* 50% percent of first marriages,

* 67% of second, and

* 73% of third marriages end in

divorce.

Ripped62,

I meant statistics about marrying an AP and whether those marriages are more likely to fail.

It's a relationship that starts on a bad foundation not to mention that their ethics and boundaries are obviously an issue. Cheaters arr 350% likely to cheat again according to infidelity studies and to be honest, that's just people who admit to it. So it's unlikely that they actually would last, but people change so I'm sure it does happen.

So here are those I know:

1) My sister and 2nd husband, they both left their spouses for each other. Been together 8 years. He still lies and hides things from her, she doesn't seem happy but in my opinion she's getting what she deserved.

2) A former co-worker and her husband, she was the AP, he was married to another coworker (her boss as it were), he left his wife for her, they were at 20+ years

I've known a few others but they don't last. I have a hard time thinking you would ever feel comfortable trusting them because you already know what they're capable of

WH's parents

2. My mother and her second husband. He’s cheated on her so many times I don’t know where to start. They have been married 35 years. Also my WH’s father and his second wife. They have been married for a few years. No clue how it’s going and he would never tell my WH anyway.

Yeah we have great family backgrounds.

#1 my exh is still with the last ow I found out about. They have been together 5 yrs, counting 2 of those yrs were during affair. My youngest daughter says exh is miserable & ow gives him a curfew and rules so he doesn’t cheat on her. Exh sister admires that lol...as if it was my job to police exh every move to keep him faithful. Pftttt...Every chance exh can get to contact me, he begs me to take him back. My oldest daughter hasn’t spoken to ex in 3+ yrs. My youngest daughter has a strained relationship w/ exh and doesn’t acknowledge ow. As far as I know exh family, even though shitty to me have never met ow.

#2 exh sister is a serial cheater/ow. Her current h was in a long term serious relationship when she met her now h. He had just had a child w/ his then girlfriend. He knocked up my former sister in law. She has a child who is 6 mo. Younger than that child. The only reason the guy is w/ exh sister is because his long term girlfriend left him. So he came back to exh sister after he had dumped her when she got knocked up. He wouldn’t commit to exh sister but would screw her on side for yrs. their child is 10 and they have been married for 2 yrs. he is very jealous & controlling. Exh sister told me flat out she could see herself cheating on him. Not surprised. She’s an ow & was very sim pathetic to her brothers cheating. Her attitude, if I’d have been a better wife he wouldn’t have cheated. Her attitude is she sees herself as “that friend, a shoulder to lean on and for a guy to vent to about their shitty lives and partners”... in my opinion most people who cheat either on someone or with someone are miserable people. For the situation w/ exh, he just doesn’t get why people won’t except ow. I’m sure at this point our daughters would accept anyone but the woman they feel helped destroy our family...

#3 a family friends mother cheated on her h and left husband after a long marriage. She married her affair partner then left him for someone else...not sure if she’s with current person. She’s in her 60’s

At this point all I know for certain is that I want nothing to do with cheating or cheaters. I don’t care if they stay together or not. I don’t get people who were devistated by an affair who then turn around and have an affair with a married person and devistated someone else in that way. Exh first affair I found out about was w/ a married woman (our realtor) who had been cheated on and told me she knew what I was feeling...I will never be with someone who cheats or has cheated in a past relationship/marriage. I don’t care how much they have “changed”...

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 6:06 AM, August 17th (Friday)]

My Ex is still with the final OW he left me for. Although he insisted we were over by the time they started officially dating. He refused to acknowledge EAs or lies. They have been together for years now and I assume they are happy.

My former best friend left her husband in a huge blow up and moved in with the other man. That failed within a year. She is now living with a man who has been married 3 or 4 times, but declares her as "the one." They started seeing each other while he was still married. Time will tell with that one.

My boss and coworker are still together. Yep, they both left their spouses for each other. It's been a few years and they just married. I think they are in it for the long haul.

My Ex's mother is on her fourth marriage. I don't know the details of all her marriages, but at least one ended because she had a one night stand with Ex's father, was resulted in my Ex. Anyway, she has been married to her current husband for over 30 years now. He's such a great guy and took on a lot with her. Ex had believed she cheated on his stepfather, but he lied about so much I have no idea if it was true.

One.

My husband's friend wanted a D, and he came to me for help. I was concerned there was an AP. He swore not.

I helped. Within weeks after filing, AP moved in. I was furious.

I tried to be nice because of history. But she was nasty. A mean, insecure, and lazy thing.

After dday, I cut them out of my life and said why.

WS did too. They are not friends of marriage.

Last we heard from them, that friend was calling my WS boohooing because she had cheated, and was lying to court because she wanted full custody of their kid, and a substantial child support check.

He wanted WS to ask me for help.

Whomp, whomp.

I don’t get people who were devastated by an affair who then turn around and have an affair with a married person and devastated someone else in that way.

That was my wife's choice in an AP. Irony eh?

Want more irony?

During one of our discussions I asked my wife why she didn't stay with him. One of the things she said "He was cheated on by his wife. I was worried that he was just with me so that he could do to somebody else what was done to him. On top of that, I didn't think he could ever trust me (Mrs. BrainFreeze) since I was cheating on you (BrainFreeze) with him."

1) Who thinks like that?

2) How do you think that I would ever trust you?

I can only think of one off the top of my head and they just got married. In disclosing the affair with close friends who were incredibly supportive and amazing to me, I found out that ALL my closet friends have been cheated on by their spouses either PAs or EAs. We are all part of a club no one wants to be a part of but we support each other and they all stayed with their WHs for various reasons. So I’d say more R in my life than run off with their AP. Most I think realized what they did and are trying to repair their relationships.

@brainfreeze lol people that have affairs. The OW in our situation was clearly dealing with “trust issues” and was directing those feelings publicly via her social media account to him (who does that you say unless you’re a high school girl not a grown woman). They were also maybe four weeks into the affair at that point and I just laughed and mentioned the post to my husband. He immediately told her about it and she took it down but it was fun pointing out to my FWH that his AP didn’t trust him. Hello he’s cheating on his wife, why should he be trusted was what I wanted to comment on her post. I’m learning to try and not understand things that can’t be understood by damaged, unevolved individuals with low emotional intelligence. Waste of time.

I know one couple who left their marriages and got together

Both had kids

Both had similar excuses

Marriages were good but the fell in love

If this is love then fuck this love

I don't respect this love

My brother's ex-wife married her AP fifteen ago and they are still married ... they had a child together. I can't comment on how happy they are because my family doesn't communicate with her, but I know they are still together.

My childhood friend's ex-husband married his AP and now has two children with her ... he was a serial cheater. Even if he gets caught she will never divorce him (cultural thing).

I doubt very much that any couple that starts out together as an affair are truly happy ... it's relationship built on lies. How could they ever trust each other?

My brother's ex-wife married her AP fifteen ago and they are still married ... they had a child together.

How is your brother now?

Is he had any kids with her?