SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm aware I created this mess. Sad that I have to disclaim this so I get support as I try to heal.

I have a job interview today. I haven't worked in forever but that's not my problem. Before d-day I thought I was great. I believed in myself, was confident, had normal jitters but nothing I couldn't deal with.

After d-day I no longer think I'm great, I'm no longer confident, I no longer believe in myself, and I've become somewhat agoraphobic. I now have panic attacks when I feel trapped (traffic, amusement park rides, elevators, crowds etc.) I think my delusions of grandeur and mania fueled my previous success. I was so arrogant and full of myself. That's all gone.

I'm now medicated, stable and humble. I feel like a shell of the person I once was. I'm terrified. What if I have a panic attack because I'm trapped in an office? I can't do this job. I'm too sick. I just want to go back to bed and hide. I look back on all my accomplishments and think it was total crap. I know I'm wrong I just can't get my mojo back and omg do I miss it.

I could really use some words of encouragement even though I don't think I have a chance of getting this job.

[This message edited by Root at 8:41 AM, August 17th (Friday)]

WHAT IN THE WORLD!!!

MAAM...you have WALKED THRU FIRE and survived.

You have grown babies...

You have nurtured children,

You have loved and lost

You have hurt and been hurt

You get up everyday...even if its just lay in bed.

You don't quit.

Those are YOUR accomplishments. You did that.

I'm 5ft (don't EVER tell my husband I admitted that) but last night I climbed to top of the shelf in Wal-mart to get my favorite chips...i used a basket and two cases of bottled water to do ...but fuck it... I DID IT!!

FUCK THAT TAPE IN YOUR HEAD! TELL that voice to SHUT UP....its NOT TRUE.

Panic attack...go take a walk...put on your favorite bad ass energy song, play meditation music....you have coping skills. Use them.

Strap on your baddest pair of heels and strut. YOU ARE A BOSS! You don't burn...YOU DANCE IN THE FIRE!

Ya know what? I told my stepson a couple of weeks ago to walk in to his interview, sit down, and have fun with those people. Just be yourself. You'll get the job or not. If not, life isn't ending. If so, great.

Just be 'you'. That's the best you can do. Life is a process. Have some fun with it.

Part of healing is facing our fears, and facing the the things that cause us anxiety. Whether you get this job or not, you will have succeeded. Go in there, and do your best. Best of luck, and keep us posted!

Root, I feel the same way you do. I used to have energy and confidence. I felt amazing.

Now? I'm the gutter. I'm depressed and feel like I can't get anything done. I feel totally incompetent and inadequate.

I have no super pep talk here other than to say "me too". Stay strong. They say it gets better. I hope they are right.

[This message edited by Lucille123 at 10:20 AM, August 17th (Friday)]

Root, everyone has already said it best and I comcur with all of them. Take it day by day with the anxiety. I’ve learned to stop preparing myself for what might happen. Will it be a good day or a bad day? I know I’m early in but that has gotten me through the hardest 2 months of my life. You will rock this job interview!!! I will pray for you on both counts. Good Luck and let us know how it went and if you got the job. If you get it then that’s awesome! If not, then f*** ‘em!!

Wow. I feel exactly like you do, except I'm a BS. I used to have confidence, in myself, life, my capabilities. Now I have panic attacks at the grocery store.

I repeat positive affirmations to myself when I start to freak. So I'll share my favorite one with you.

Peace is within me. Calm. Peace. Balance. All will be well. I am peace.

You can do this! Best wishes.

Hi root

This is the reality, you don't know what's going to happen. There could be a person who will become a great friend or guide there, you just don't know. Going and exploring it won't make your life worse because if you don't like it, you are free to leave. I think you have a great deal to share. There's wisdom and experience there. Maybe someone needs you. You can't find out unless you see for yourself.

Spend some time on yourself and go with confidence. Try this, before you go in, stand with your head up, legs apart and stretch your arms up. Hold it there a few minutes. This gets the feel good chemicals going in your blood. Pretend you just won a race. You're U. Bolt in the Olympics. This is real science. This stance will lower cortisol and raise confidence.

A survey was done just people sitting in chairs. A group was asked who they wanted to hire- no questions were asked, they just picked based on the people sitting there. Guess who got picked? People sitting upright or leaning forward, legs apart, not crossed. 4 to 1! Go in, don't cross your arms over yourself, don't cross legs. You want an open pose not a closed one. Now you have already done yourself a favor before you said one word.

You are a kind person and I know you can do so much good wherever you go. Give yourself some credit. I never cared for interviews either but it's really your chance to share the good things about yourself and learn something from the experience. Most managers are looking for good communication skills. Listen carefully and ask thoughtful questions. That's what most people want, someone who cares about the work and can be a team member.

You've worked so hard on yourself, I hope you get something that would make you happy.

Don't forget...they called YOU. They said you were the first person they thought of. So obviously you had already impressed them.

Re-entering the working world is a scary thing. I went back to work after being a stay at home mom for 8 years. When they introduced me to the CEO after my interview she asked where I was currently working....and I stammered...uhh..I'm a stay at home mom. And she replied THAT IS GREAT! We LOVE stay at home moms, hardest job there is.

You have a value and worth. You have run a family and home. You have the skills, don't be afraid to dig them out and use them! It may take a while to adjust, but you know you have it in you!

I feel so unequipped to give you a pep talk. But almost every post of yours is thoughtful and insightful. You come across as put together, accomplished, and confident. Self-doubt is normal and I know your being bp and being on medication adds a layer that I can’t relate to. But if you’re anything IRL like you come across here, then you’ve got this. Hold your head up high and be that person you say you were because she’s still there. It’s still you. Just believe it. We do.

Root, I hope I'm not too late. Wishing you the best.

Back in Detroit, in the early 1980's, there was a famous radio DJ who called himself "The Electrifying Mojo". He used to start his program like this:

"Members of the Midnight Funk Association, please rise. If you're in your car, honk your horn, blink your lights. If you're in water, make waves. If you're in bed, dance on your back. And if you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot, hang on, and remember: ain't nobody bad like you."

That is what I say to you, Root. You've been through hellfire and brimstone, and yet you have a BH who desires and loves you. Way more than many can say. Tie a knot. Hang on. And remember: ain't nobody badass like you.

You have nothing to fear. What's more fearful than facing a BH and telling him what you did? You have nothing to worry about. You've dealt with pain and tears and heartache and survived. This is simply an interview. They know you have the skills, that is why you are there. Be yourself. A survived. A healer. A communicator. A queen. If yoy get nervous, picture them doing in clown clothes...

[This message edited by WilliamM at 5:06 PM, August 17th (Friday)]

Wishing you luck! I hope it went well and if it didn’t hold your head high knowing you tried your best.

Root,

Your thoughts are not inclusive to waywards.

Here’s the thing: THOUGHTS are not REALITY. They're just thoughts. Positive, negative, or otherwise.

Reality: so you don’t get the job. So what? So you get the job and fail. So what?

Failures are really only lessons. Well, damn I should’ve answered that question this way or damn, I should have brushed up on xyz beforehand.

You’re doubting yourself IS Normal. Failure is normal.

Gosh, success and accolades all your life never really happen!!

The mess you created in your marriage is separate from your quest to get a job. Separate it already! And, staying in bed is not normal so please see your doctor, you may need to tweak your meds.

I’m betrayed and gosh did I spiral down. I learned tho how to separate this brain and all my experience and all i can do from my victomhood status.

You can do this. If not this job, the next or the one after that.

Don’t let thoughts take over. Live in the moment. Good bad or ugly, we all have to move forward and can’t let our “status” define all parts of us.

Best of luck!

Hi root

It is just after 2 am over here, so I have no business posting right now, but after being asleep almost all day, my brain is refusing to go back to sleep. I just hope that this comes out as at least semi coherent.

I am never one to join any WW fab club that arise from time to time, BUT you have found a special place in my heart. Never could understand this, now I think that I can understand. You wrote;

I'm now medicated, stable and humble.

I hated most of what the experience of infidelity did to me, but one if the things that I am learning to appreciate is the humility that it has taught me. Before the experience I was an obnoxious, arrogant git. I much prefer the man I am becoming. I think that it is this new humility of yours that I have sensed, and that has drawn me to you.

Oh, and then everything prissy, said. Perfect, just perfect.

Part of healing is facing our fears, and facing the the things that cause us anxiety. Whether you get this job or not, you will have succeeded. Go in there, and do your best.

Great advice and very wise words. It's not only a part of healing, it's a part of life as well.

I need someone to talk to....AGAIN so I will answer the posts but first things first.

I GOT THE JOB.

Woooohooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are AWESOME!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!

WOO-HOO Congratulations Root!!! Good luck!