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IN reading back through your posts she continued her affair after DDay. Ther was no let up on her part.

You should realize all cheaters lie like hell.

Why are you questioning your decision now? Her actions haven't changed at all.

Let me be clear. I'm not questioning my decision. Not at all. I'm standing by my decision and I'm just cutting through the bullshit that she thinks I should be the one reaching out or initiating R. Or somehow throwing her a lifeline. That hasn't and won't happen.

That was the reason for my OP. Trust me there's no blurred lines here. I asked this question just to keep me on track.

Nothing has changed.

You are correct and on track

Marz

You are spot on and we are on the same page believe me. But I do appreciate your responses and what you've said is exactly the way I've interpreted her actions. I'm fully on board with my decision. I was almost heartless during our discussion. She was in tears and I managed to poker face throughout the entire discussion. Nothing is going to change from this.

If she’s simultaneously with the AP and expecting you to initiate R, then she either wants the kibbles of the “pick me” dance or wants you available as a fallback option.

Good for you. Most will not believe their actions and stay wrapped up in infidelity longer than necessary.

If she wanted R you'd know it.

Her actions after DDay and since told you where she was at.

The tears were for her not you. It happens when you take their cake away.

If she’s simultaneously with the AP and expecting you to initiate R, then she either wants the kibbles of the “pick me” dance or wants you available as a fallback option.

Excellent analogy

Exactly. That's why I didn't take her talk seriously. She's with the AP still and I'm under no illusions. All I said that was actions speak louder than words and that her actions spoke very loudly to me.

I'm not buckling. Separation is imminent and it can't come soon enough imo

Not that this has anything to do with the OP. But something out of the cheaters handbook I've spotted. When talking about the OM I only hear about the negatives and never the positives.

This makes me laugh. You tell me about all these negatives about the OM but then immediately run back to him. It's laughable and quite frankly just plain sad. If there were so many negatives then why would you be struggling to give him up? Lol

Anyhow thought I'd mention.

I’m sorry to keep posting, but the negative talk about the AP is undoubtedly part of keeping you on a string (or trying, anyway). Just more of the push-pull dynamic she’s trying to run. Putting out some negative information to see if you’ll bite and tell her you’re still available.

You need a hard 180. Talk will just keep you bound up in this.

the negative talk about the AP is undoubtedly part of keeping you on a string (or trying, anyway). Just more of the push-pull dynamic she’s trying to run. Putting out some negative information to see if you’ll bite and tell her you’re still available.

This would entail that everything would be on her terms not yours.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:54 PM, August 18th (Saturday)]

DF, not at all the responses are appreciated

Yes. Time to step up the 180.

Among other things, she sounds manipulative, selfish and her words hurt & confuse you.

If you're not in R and you find her toxic, perhaps you should stop talking to her (to protect yourself).

She's not ready to R. She can't leave the AP because emotions have run deep.

What else do you need to know? Your planned separation is the right thing to do in my opinion and I would hope it is followed immediately by divorce. You deserve a chance to be happy and I don't think staying with a cheater who won't stop cheating is conducive to being happy.

It's you who's in a fog and I urge you to go complete NC with WW and begin the process of detaching from her. Good luck.