SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

We all had fears. I am walking away from 32 years of marriage. It was scary at first. But now it feels good to be back in control and without her. In some states alimony is not automatic or impact the higher income as severely as it once did. A few consider adultery in the award.

Your attorney can work on custody so you see your kids often and support is less or eliminated. You may have increased child care costs.

It can be managed.

See an attorney. In some states alimony is limited to a certain % and a set number of years vs the life of the x...so it may be manageable.

Life is simple. You find a potential spouse, get married, have children and be happy. Then your spouse shoves the "blue pill" down your throat.

When a new thread starts here in SI, most posters want to quickly fix it, "auto-rug sweep" and go back to the happy life. Most of us do that. That part always make me sad. Then the poster starts showing anger. All of this is normal.

The good people on SI will try to get the poster out of the "quick fix" mentality and will try to figure out, in the posted story, if the WS has potential for R. When we read statements like :

she doesn't think she can wait and is "worried" she'll find someone else in the meantime.

This doesn't look good.

Do you have friend or family you can talk to?

I find a lot similarities between your story and mine. After 20+ years, my xWW would still proclaim that I was 100% my fault, no remorse (except maybe a small glimpse of reality). I'm an highly paid professional and my xWW was cleaning rooms in hotels.

If you go the D route, here's some thoughts that might help you based on my experience:

- I find that narcissistic people make bad decisions all the time and as you watch your xWW go through life (because of the children, you stay in contact), it can give you a small measure of justice witnessing that train wreck. (until you get bored with it or pity your xWW). It might not be healthy but ... heh.

- Spousal support hurts, there's not much that can be done except go through divorce as soon as possible (In my country, the longer you're married, the longer you pay spousal support).

- In my case child support doesn't hurt. I love my children and I don't want them to live in a trailer park.

Don't assume anything about alimony. Go see an attorney for a free consultation.

As for your WW, it takes two committed people to make a successful reconciliation work. She's not committed and she is not remorseful. Not one bit.

Gaslighting.

Emotional judo.

Your WW is a pro at both.

Follow your instinct of self preservation.

@Unspecified

I know it's hard and some of us are blunt but for your benefit and to help give you the courage to deal with what's in front of you, you have not had a M for a long time, your WW checked out years ago and is actively looking for another OM for sex if you don't become a doormat and get with her program (a one sided open marriage).

Yes, contact a lawyer, like I said on my initial post, I'm all for R, most of the time, but not when it comes to LTA's, those are the ultimate humiliation in an M, to lie for years risking your life and the stability of her family and children for sex, it's just too much and you know it, your M has been a sham for years, file for D and have her served at her work place, and if you're still thinking about R after all this, you can stop the process at any time if she shows true remorse and does all the heavy lifting, it will take longer to recover than the 4.5 years of her A, years of more excrutiating pain and suffering.

Please keep posting, you have people here with the collective knowledge of thousands of cases and stories similar to yours, cheaters for the most part follow a typical script.

How does a married person ‘worry’ about finding someone else. It’s not like stepping in gum or getting a flat.