SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I can see value in knowing the statistics that I’m up against as a cheater. Thank you for sharing this information. I hope that as waywards we can see that what helps one group of us may not be beneficial to others. I don’t see any intended malice in posting this, I see it as a warning to not get comfortable in my healing and to always keep pushing to be a good person. I do not ever want to hurt my H the way I have again so like an alcoholic I will try to stay aware of my short comings even when the odds are against me.

They have established an objective fact (prior infidelity is an important risk factor for infidelity in subsequent relationships).

I wouldn't call it fact. I would call it a theory of social reality.

I don't think OP was being malicious either. Disdainful comes to mind though, as someone who primarily posts from a divorced BH perspective then comes in here and his first thread is "yes the data shows once a cheater always a cheater". Forgive me if I find this unhelpful, discouraging and disrespectful.

If the results of the research had been different (for example, if the article reported that infidelity in a prior relationship REDUCED the risk of infidelity in a subsequent relationship) would the article have been more interesting?

No, in fact you're right that we should be interested in the risk factors. But what would be more interesting, some stats and risk factors for those who are doing the work to break the cheating cycle. That's what I would be interested in.

This article isn't new mind-blowing information. That's just how it works, you cheat you're a risk and not doing the work, yep! you're likely to do it again. I thought that was common knowledge around here..

Actually I never liked the use of "risk factors" when it comes to infidelity. Only because there are plenty of people that are on the other side of the adulterous relationships that are the betrayed and don't cheat even though they might have more of the labeled "risk factors" then the actual cheater. Risk factors to me take away the ownership and culpability of free will. Sounds like an excuse to not use your conscience. It is pretty black and white to me. There is selfish and unselfish.

>>I never liked the use of "risk factors" when it comes to infidelity ... It is pretty black and white to me. There is selfish and unselfish.<<

In many ways it would be so much better if the world (and people) were simple and uncomplicated. If only it were true that people were either good or bad or selfish or unselfish and if only they could be convinced to wear the appropriate colored hats so that they could be easily distinguished.

In the real world, good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Most of the time people are caring and decent and good and kind and unselfish but real people struggle. In the real world, many things can affect the likelihood that someone will have an affair.

"Risk factors" for infidelity exist. Kayla Knopp, Shelby Scott, Lane Ritchie, Galena K. Rhoades, Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley (Archives of Sexual Behavior November 2017, Volume 46, Issue 8, pp 2301–2311) provide evidence for one risk factor (infidelity in a prior relationship). They took the trouble to come up with a hypothesis and to test it in the real world. They collected data. They analyzed the results. They estimated how big a risk factor "infidelity in a prior relationship" is. They wrote up the results and stated their conclusions. They submitted their article to peer review. They published. That is one way to establish a fact such as "infidelity in a prior relationship is an important risk factor for infidelity in a subsequent relationship".

There are many similar studies that carefully document the evidence for risk factors for infidelity. Shirley Glass's book "Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity" contains a good summary of the risk factors as they were understood about 15 years ago.

We are entitled to our own opinions but not to our own facts.

Ok, so I went and read the article. The participant sample was rather small (N=484) and the data was self-reported. While particpiant who engaged in infidelity in their first relationships were more likely to engage in subsequent relationships, there is a marked lack of data indicating whether those participants did any sort of counseling or took other actions to prevent sliding into cheating behaviors. I am equally not sure that the findings of one study of self-reported data can then be classified as fact. If you can cite other articles, besides this one, that have different methodology and similar findings, please post them. A comparative study is always best.

I disagree still with your risk factors. Good people stay good people. There are plenty that never cheat and that hit all "those" risk factors marks. Good people that cheat, become bad people. Bad people cheat. Some bad people that have all the risk factors never cheat. I agree with Barregirl about the research. I also find no worth in data, especially if you are a minority. There is simply selfish and unselfish.

Not to belabor the point, but I think my analogy of an alcoholic is apt. You bet they're at an elevated risk of having another drink, probably for the rest of their lives (especially if they don't do the work). But millions of them, after doing the work (like going to AA) and focusing on what's broken inside of them, successfully avoid having another drink as long as they live. The flaw is that obviously you can't compare what is often a physical addiction in alcoholics, but the psychological part can definitely be compared.

Barregirl wrote >> there is a marked lack of data indicating whether those participants did any sort of counseling or took other actions to prevent sliding into cheating behaviors<<

A similar criticism was made by several others in this thread. It is true that Knopp and her colleagues did not address the question of the effects of counseling/therapy (and many other factors) on serial infidelity. Knopp and her colleagues did not say people who have not been unfaithful cannot take steps to prevent themselves from repeating their mistakes. Obviously, they can. Knopp and her colleagues did not address that aspect of infidelity.

Knopp and her colleagues did not say that infidelity in a prior relationship is the only factor that can affect rates of infidelity in subsequent relationships. Obviously many factors can affect infidelity in subsequent relationships (including counseling/therapy).

Knopp and her colleagues did not address thousands of possible questions about infidelity. Their objective was only to assess whether infidelity in a previous relationship relationship is a risk factor for infidelity in a subsequent relationship (and a couple of other objectives). They focused narrowly on only two or three questions which is the way that research is always done. That is a strength (and not a weakness) of their article. It is impossible to address every important question about infidelity in one research project. It's a bad idea to attempt to tackle more than a couple.

Barregirl wrote >>The participant sample was rather small (N=484) and the data was self-reported<<

This is probably the best approach to attacking the article. If you really want to get serious about critizing it, shortcomings in the methods are probably far more important than the objectives that were not addressed. It would be interesting to know how big you think their sample should have been (600? 800? 1000?). It also would be interesting to know the alternatives to self reporting.

More important shortcomings in their methods were:

1) the number of married people in the sample was zero

2) the number of people over the age of 35 in the sample was zero

3) the number of women in the sample was twice the number of men

and so on.

AshamedDad wrote >>I think my analogy of an alcoholic is apt<<

I agree. People who have a drinking problem are at risk for relapsing. There are various factors that can increase the risk of relapse. People with a drinking problem can take steps (such as counseling/therapy) to reduce the risk of relapse. People who have a drinking problem are not necessarily evil, stupid, selfish, or lacking in good character.