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I think the gravity of the situation is beginning to dawn on her.

It is the SOP of affairs. Once it is exposed cheaters cannot enjoy cheating as much since they need the BSs care (or at least their ignorance) to fully enjoy cheating.

Look like someone advised her to change the cause as the risk of her getting a bad deal is high. Since she did not express even regret after the Dday, her current attitude may be to protect herself. Her disease condition may also flare up due to the stress etc. POS may also be worried and not telling her the fairy tales as before. Something in her plans have gone really bad, otherwise she would not ask you to cover her health insurance ( unless she is someone who has no self respect).

[This message edited by goalong at 5:02 PM, January 7th (Monday)]

So have you not told the kids? It would be a big mistake to keep them in the dark. Or stand up with her and lie to them.

At their age don't be surprised that they may already know or suspect something.

She actually said she regrets everything. Although I cannot tell whether she means her behavior, involving lawyers, or getting caught.

Nope, she regrets that you found out about their secret plans.

Her words are meaningless

Maybe she just regrets interrupting the football game?

Please don't worry too much about custody. Your children are old enough to speak their own wishes and it's clear they want to stay with you, in the home. Judges listen unless there is abuse or neglect going on -- which isn't happening by YOU.

Happy to report that at least for now, direct negotiations on key issues are going well.

If she agrees to move out and a limited duration on spousal support -- two things she has signaled she will do -- I won't pursue the at-fault filing.

I'm willing to trade a clean and peaceful break for just letting the infidelity go.

Although the PI did interview the limousine driver, who described them as "boyfriend and girlfriend" and confirmed it was just the two of them.

The twists! The turns!

Today, the discovery is the bitch pawned her engagement ring, wedding bands and other jewelry I've given her during the years.

Talk about some callous behavior. I would have hoped she'd pass those on to the girls.

Wow.

Jeeeeepers! They never fail to disappoint...

Jeeeeepers! They never fail to disappoint...

Aucky, you've got one cold bitch on your hands. Protect yourself.

I hope your sticking her with all the debt she put your family into with her selfishness.

How did she explain that callous move? She is without empathy, you and your kids will be well away from her.

Today, the discovery is the bitch pawned her engagement ring, wedding bands and other jewelry I've given her during the years.

Do you still refuse to tell the OBS? Why? At this point you are just being cruel to this woman.

Today, the discovery is the bitch pawned her engagement ring, wedding bands and other jewelry I've given her during the years.

Nothing surprise me any more, but that amazes me. Just...wow

Good friends wife left, and left the kids. Never looked back. I actually felt sorry for her for having pretended to be something else for so long. She never should have got married.

I would have hoped she'd pass those on to the girls.

I would propose that you be happy with this, as it signals two things:

1. That you can clearly take the D route.

2. You would not want the 'bad energy' from those rings to be passed on to your girls. Who knows what those rings have touched!

Is it possible that she still has these items, but claims that they were pawned?

Rings are just dumb objects. Not on your radar at this point.

She’s a pathetic creature. Imagine the state of mind you need to be in to go into a dirty pawn shop to sell rings prematurely for pennies on the dollar?

Do you still refuse to tell the OBS? Why? At this point you are just being cruel to this woman.

I think he plans to inform the OBS but the general advice has been to get his ducks in order first and I agree with that. Especially since he's definitely headed for D.

"Is it possible that she still has these items, but claims that they were pawned?"

Yes.

Yesterday she was promising financial disclosure forms since her lawyer asked my lawyer for mine. No problem -- I have no hidden assets or anything. It's going to be a pain to get five years of statements for everything (including credit cards -- her attorney is in for a surprise). But, whatever.

But she had mentioned pawning the jewelry in one of the chats with him so I asked her if she actually did it. She demanded an explanation of why I thought she did that. I told her it's because she told him she would. I said, we'll, those will either be on the financial disclosure you send over or not, and if not, that's useful. And the date of sale will be important. Also, it's "marital waste" apparently and I'm entitled to half the value back.

Anyway, we had a bit of a blow up last night and she basically said she hadn't pawned the jewelry and knows exactly where they are. So, we'll see what's on the financial disclosure.

I'm trying REALLY hard to keep focused on the process and moving forward. It's clear we can't talk about anything substantive. She is completely dug in on her insistence that they never had sex -- which is only a legal distinction. She doesn't seem to grasp that she engaged in marital misconduct, whether or not I can sue for "at-fault."

As the sci-fi writer John Scalzi says, "Cheating is allowing another person into a level of intimacy your partner expects to be theirs alone. That level of intimacy is not uniform from person to person."

I think he plans to inform the OBS but the general advice has been to get his ducks in order first and I agree with that. Especially since he's definitely headed for D.

This applied when he was engaging the PI to catch them before she knew that he was onto the A. There is no reason to hold onto this information now. He should tell the OBS what is going on.