SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Have a PI watch the house for you while you are away. They can take pictures and provide proof.

It will save you a confrontation.

Or do you want the kids to see this?

Fantasy and reality don‘t walk hand-in-hand.

How would any form of recording using hidden cameras be of any use in divorce?

What would evidence from a PI do for NHT other than confirm what his wife is planning? Remember – in his own words she’s a master manipulator. OM might be explained away as her friend that came over for coffee or whatever.

Do you really think a judge will take notice of hidden recordings? IMHO the ONLY think this will do is portray NHT in a negative and abusive light. The house IS joint property. The WW has a legal expectation to privacy in her own abode. Her attorney would have a field day with this info, possibly leading to NHT being legally evicted from his home for domestic abuse.

Keep in mind the WW has already filed. The decision to divorce is there. There might be an understanding or a verbal agreement to not date, but I doubt that (a) there is anything formal on paper and (b) it being enforceable. I agree with the poster above that expecting someone that can’t keep something as fundamental as marriage vows to stick to their words isn’t realistic.

NHT

I’m glad you are going to confront. I would do it sooner than later. There is a lot of rage in your wording and… that’s OK. But be realistic. You can’t throw her out and frankly IF she insists on bringing OM to your home there really isn’t any way you can prevent it short of physically being there.

It’s in extreme bad taste but who knows what she’s capable of.

Just make your stance clear: If she does not commit clearly, vocally and with actions to the marriage then YOU are working at speeding the inevitable divorce.

Next weekend? If she tells you she wants the marriage then either she takes the kids or she goes with you. Anything else = she isn’t committed to the marriage.

I’m with Buster. I doubt he is single and I’d say she has been with him longer than you think. You can always have a friend look at video. Bust them both, then let her try to lay the D all off on you. Cheaters need to learn to communicate their needs, desires, fantasies with their spouse and not to some opposite-sex spouse poacher. If they can’t do that, then file. Or suffer the consequences.

Cheaters like to make memories. A POSOM going to the WW house is the biggest risk and oh so exciting. “Hey look what I can do, I have done it before and nobody ever busted me”. That is what OM thought. “What’s he got, a few text?” No, how about some video dirtbag. Let’s see ya talk your way out of that.

[This message edited by manofintegrity at 11:25 AM, March 28th (Thursday)]

Once again

Fantasy and reality don‘t walk hand-in-hand.

All he would have is a recording of OM visiting the woman that has already filed for divorce. It’s not illegal and its wont impact the divorce in any way or form.

What it could impact is:

If NHT uses it to threaten OM (who btw is single) he could get charged for illegal wiretapping.

If he sends it to OM for revenge-porn and/or distribution of porn and/or non-consensual porn.

If he let’s WW know she can use it to establish domestic abuse -> NHT court-ordered to leave the house.

If he uses it to threaten WW she can file for abuse and revenge porn.

If he distributes it to others NHT can be charged with breach of privacy and revenge porn.

Wake up posters! There is enough drama that needs to be dealt with. I know NHT might need to move soon, but let’s try to keep him out of jail and in a position of power.

Hi NHT,

Just a thought, but do you have any friends who could house-sit for you while you're not there?

I believe you would be within your rights to invite your friends to be there as much as your wife has the same right, and it is legitimate to want someone there to keep an eye on your property.

So if you know anyone who knows the score and would be willing, why not get them a case of beer and a couple of steaks and let them protect your interests while you are not there?

My house, my wife and children that POSOM played mind games with to f#<k her, my security cameras in my house/garage, which ARE legal by the way. I’ll never tuck my tail and run away, guaranteed. Every man has to make his own decisions on whether his wife, kids, integrity, money and time are worth it. It was for me. I’d do it all over again. Almost 2 yrs out in R, doing well.

My WW threatened to sue. I said go ahead, we can make lawyers richer, get ourselves in the newspapers and on TV (preachers of big churches destroying marriages and families don’t look very good and don’t think I didn’t already have the news and Christian organizations on speed dial) and that will do more to bring our infidelity problem in this country out into the light. Like it needs to be.

Time to grow a pair and distance yourself from this disrespectful woman. .. this is tantamount to war so don't give away too much. Best outcome, divorce 50\50 and you move on. Never shower her with favors and babysit while she goes out. Soon enough you will have the upper hand when she doesn't feature in your thoughts or your decisions. Any change of heart and you will be back here! There is life after a WW. Focus on preparing yourself for a better other half that awaits you in the future. P.S. do see a lawyer! (not sure if you have or not)

Recording something in your own home is not illegal, and the purpose to record/catch them in the act is NOT to take it as evidence in court or to be distributed on the internet (even if it was illegal I would love to see her face in court with the video being played in front of family and common friends), however, it could be used as leverage to get better terms on the D, maybe in the form of a non-disclosure agreement and/or destruction of the tape in exchange for better terms, maybe no/less spousal support or any other perk or marital asset, etc.

Again, let's not underestimate a cheaters' need to preserve their reputation intact (that's one of the main reasons they keep A's a secret in the first place), but that aside, as if the cheating wasn't enough, bringing OM to your own house/bed is a major disrespect that I would not allow if I could prevent it, she could go to the nearest motel and have all the sex she wants but not in my own bed, I respect other's opinions, this is just mine, and again this is just me but if I was considering keeping the house after the D, knowing she had sex in the house would most likely make me not want to live in it, If I could prevent it I would still have that option without having a trigger every time I set foot on it.

How did the confrontation go?

T/J

Just to be clear: Unless some of the posters above live on areas still under Taliban or Isis control they are way off and offering potentially dangerous advice.

Let’s start with possession: WW owns half the house. It’s not the posters house alone. She has equal weight in what is in or not in the house.

Then there is the expectation of privacy. That goes way beyond possession. Therefore landlords (owners) can’t hide cameras in rental property. The wife has an expectation to privacy and any recording done in areas she can expect to be private would be about as legal as a three-dollar bill.

A security camera installed with all relevant parties’ knowledge is a totally different story. If everyone knows and nobody protests, then there is assumed knowledge of recordings. But for the OP to hide camera’s in his home to catch WW and OM is (a) illegal and (b) of absolutely no gain at all.

The WW has shown the initiative of talking to an attorney and filing for divorce. For her there is limited shame in having OM over. Her attorney would have a field-day with any threats or use of an illegal recording and would either use it as weight to get the WW a better deal or to get the OP evicted due to domestic violence.

Sorry, no secrets and no privacy in our marriage. My wife knew about our security cameras, but the fog makes one forget about getting caught. If POSOM preacher had been taking care of his own wife and protecting the flock at church, he wouldn’t have got his arse busted by me.

When it comes to protecting my 30 yr marriage, wife, children, home, property, I’ll do what I have to do and accept the consequences later. Men and women in this country are going to learn integrity and better communication skills. Otherwise they can face the consequences too.

I sometimes get perplexed about some of the stuff and fear mongering I read here: I could only imagine how it may play out in court: "Your honor, yes I put surveillance cameras in my house like millions of people do, I was concerned about my family's safety, sorry but I never planned for her to bring her AP and fuck him in my own bed (or the children's bed) as you and everybody here can clearly see on the video, oh and btw she never asked me permission to allow him to fuck her in my private side of the bed". You could even walk in on them and enter your own bedroom and surprise them having sex, they should not expect any privacy from you there and expect you to just leave your own bedroom until they finish and tell you to go and sleep in the living room couch instead in the meantime, just imagine her words: "How dare you walk on us, couldn't you at least knock ?" "I know this is your bedroom too but geez, see because of things like these is the reason why I decided to have an A with my boyfriend here".

I will gladly have that battle in court any day, however I think most APs due to the illicit nature and secrecy of their relationship do NOT want to bring such a dirty thing to court, not to mention that it would demonstrate little regard for the children to bring someone else to have sex in their house while they STILL share it with their father, plus if that's the price I have to pay for my self respect and dignity and to also have the option to buy her out of the house, then so be it.

Yes, I agree. ^^^^^

Doesn’t matter how much you agree. It won’t change reality.

Try googling phrases like “can I secretly record my wife”; “Is it legal to install secret cameras in my home”; “Can I use a secret recording in court” and whatever and your search results will be a near-equal combination of:

Attorney-sites telling you why this isn’t a great idea.

Men’s rights advocates telling you why this isn’t a great idea.

News-sites informing you of husbands facing jail-time for thinking this is a great idea.

There is only one way such illegal recordings will have any value in court: When the judge examines them to determine the OP sentence. I don’t advocate fear-monging, but even less do I advocate stupidity.

You don't have to "secretly" install cameras in the house (I would but would likely turn the sound off), you can just call and have them installed then let everyone know, that will most likely be a deterrent for her to bring her AP to your house and have sex in your bed, again she can go to the nearest motel or her AP's house, but hey it may be too late now anyway if you didn't do it, if so, it may prevent her from doing it again, at least until the D is final and you settle who keeps the house if you decide not to sell it. What happened ? did you confront them ?

Do you really believe any cheating wife and her AP would want to go to court and be all over the news? I slept very well at night once I had solid, undeniable proof. I bet many BS on here would too. Then I made sure he suffered the consequences of 8 years screwing married women behind the pulpit. Somebody has to have the balls to stand up and do what’s right.