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standinghere ( member #34689) posted at 8:12 AM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
You don't have to make any sudden decisions, but you should check your bank accounts and secure your half of the liquid assets.
These discoveries may be the tip of the iceberg from his reaction, which may be meant to scare you away from looking further.
Yeah, a lawyer sounds in order.
FBH - Me - Betrayal in late 30's (now much older)
FWS - Her - Affair in late 30's (now much older )
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled BUT!
HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 8:22 AM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
Reading this made my blood boil.
So angry on your behalf!
If at all possible, please, PLEASE at least get yourself some counseling as you begin to navigate this.
I know it's scary. If you've never been before, it can feel like admitting that you are weak. I thought the same. But it will be a guiding light in the darkness, I promise you that.
Don't forget to eat, drink water, and get some sleep if you can. Get meds to help with the sleep if need be. Drink protein shakes if solid food isn't staying down or just isn't appetizing.
Literally NOTHING matters if you don't have your health, both mental and physical.
I know you said that you cannot leave due to finances. Please see a lawyer to look into the potential for spousal support. Most lawyers will do an initial consultation for free. You can even visit several for consultations, that way you can get multiple opinions before you decide how to move forward.
BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction
Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.
Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.
HeHadADoubleLife ( member #68944) posted at 9:03 AM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
Oh, and please get yourself a full STD panel!
BW
DDay Nov 2018
Many previous DDays due to his sex addiction
Hurt me with the truth, but don't comfort me with a lie.
Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.
demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 1:53 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
You feel that way because he has treated you that way for years and just spewed all of it at you at once. That feeling of being blindsided with the truth is pure TRAUMA. Please get yourself to a therapist. Many places have sliding scales for fees. I understand that feeling of no money and you can't do it. You can. You can do this. I wish I could come and have coffee with you and help support you. I quit my career and am living in the house with my WH until D. It is terrible for me and our kids, but it is the way it has to be for now. I am moving toward acceptance every day. You CAN do this.
I am so angry for you. You deserve so much better. Please keep posting. We are here for you.
BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy
kiki1 ( member #37184) posted at 2:10 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
This makes me so angry for you northern. Get to a lawyer and a counselor. Start there. Also, do not believe any of that bullshit he vomited on you about you. Cheated the entire marriage and your the one with issues? We think not!! Don't allow him to beat you down. Don't even engage with him. If you have to, do your best to be calm cool and collected. Sending you so many hugs,,,,
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 2:40 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
(((NMSB)))
Honey please read up on the 180 as you need to implement it to protect yourself. He is abusive and you have most likely been abused on some level your entire relationship, this means it makes it really difficult for you to identify when it is happening.
You need to see an attorney ASAP. Until you see an attorney you do NOT know if you can afford to leave or not.
Please contact your Dr if your eating disorder is getting out of control. You need to take care of you so you are healthy and strong for your sons.
((((And Strength))))
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
dazed77 ( member #58354) posted at 3:08 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
I don't post often, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you are experiencing. The betrayal and trauma is overwhelming.
I want to reinforce what others have said. Please consult an attorney and find out financially what you would be facing if you chose to divorce. You can probably find lawyers in your area that will offer free consultations. Meet with two or three before making any decisions. They will be able to offer you excellent advice and show you a picture of what a divorce settlement might look like for you. This information is invaluable. You need to begin considering your exit strategy because your WH does not sound like a candidate for reconciliation. You deserve so much better!!
In your circumstances I would start a hard 180.
MamaDragon ( member #63791) posted at 3:17 PM on Friday, March 22nd, 2019
go see a lawyer pronto.
There are organizations that could help you out.
Do not believe a word out of his mouth - he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Just say NO, this is how it is going to be, either all of me w/no other women or none of me.
Do the 180 on him and detach from him. I'd urge you to get IC as well.
Don't put up with his BS any longer.
BS - 40 something at A time, over 50 now
WS - him, younger than me
Reconciled
cannotforgive ( member #43367) posted at 8:29 PM on Saturday, March 23rd, 2019
(((Hugs))),
You are married to a manipulative and cruel Narcissist.
Do not talk to him anymore. Hard 180.
Find a lawyer and ditch this ungrateful creature from your life. After 37 year marriage, you should be entitled to alimony, half of his pension, etc.
You know YOU are worth it.
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