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LoveTKO ( member #54298) posted at 9:49 PM on Wednesday, April 17th, 2019
No way.. I think it's a character issue. I don't judge those who would but I know it wouldn't be a healthy choice for me.
Me: BW
Him: FWH
LTA one year with local MOW
Dday: 12/4/15
Done - separated
JoyfulMourning ( new member #70342) posted at 6:28 AM on Friday, April 19th, 2019
NOPE. Not even a little bit. 
There are billions of other people to choose from, therefore, I'm not going to knowingly take a risk with a former cheater. I will not take the long shot that I am so special that he won't cheat on me.
I do believe that people can change.
He can go and be an up-cycled gift to someone else.
*Sorry if that snarky comment was offensive to anyone. 
*In the end I've gained more confidence than I've lost.
**I'm not a "one in a million" kind of girl: I'm a once in a lifetime type of woman.
*** I'm not arm candy; I'm soul food.
MakingMyFuture ( member #43530) posted at 8:27 AM on Friday, April 19th, 2019
Date as in "go to dinners or a night out, enjoy their comoany, or enjoy Having sex with them?" YES
Date as in "be in a relationship and expect fidelity and build a future based on trust and partnership?" NO
And regarding "The Work". I've now accidentally been on many first dates with a cheater and have dated a few who's company I enjoyed and we're meeting my needs. While there are amazing people on this site and IRL who have done the work, I have yet to meet one of them. From my experience their "work" really amounts to feeling embarrassed and ashamed of what they did, followed by a whole pile of justifications and minimization.
I can't unsee the gaslighting.
[This message edited by MakingMyFuture at 2:41 AM, April 19th (Friday)]
When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou
BW: 43 (me) WH: 42 (him)
DD-13, DS-11
DDay 1 = 1/13, DDay2 = 7/14 (False R), D 4/15
broken2 ( member #16935) posted at 2:03 AM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2019
Not just no, but HELL NO!!!
mccloud ( member #52604) posted at 3:58 AM on Saturday, May 4th, 2019
No, I wouldn't do it. It is to much of a risk. Why even go there when there are so many other good people out there. I couldn't risk it.
Together 8 years. Dday #1 3-18-16 Dday #2 3-21-16 It is almost 3 years since D-day. And I am Not better. I am not over it. I am not back the way I was. I am still So broken. So lost. So hurt. I still can't understand why he was so horrible
Shehawk ( member #68741) posted at 6:43 AM on Sunday, May 5th, 2019
Nope. I would not. There is something about being able to cross that line that is deal breaker for me now.
Apologies to waywards reading this who HAVE done the work to be safe partners. You people rock :) But I stayed married to a man who cheated, and it did not go well for me. So ya can't blame me for not wanting to jump back in the fire...
[This message edited by Shehawk at 7:29 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]
"It's a slow fade...when you give yourself away" so don't do it!
ramius ( member #44750) posted at 8:30 AM on Sunday, May 5th, 2019
Date casually sure.
Let in? Trust enough to share hopes and dreams with? Commit too?
Nope.
How many scars have you rationalized because you loved the person who was holding the knife?
Their actions reveal their intentions. Their words conceal them.
Justgetitoverwith ( member #70459) posted at 9:44 AM on Sunday, May 5th, 2019
Nope. I think there's just too many lies that go along with an A for me to believe someone who told me they'd done the work.
Hell, WS is still hiding stuff and lying by omission, despite saying he's seen the light, got it, and doesn't want to be that cheater/liar again. He didn't fix anything in the years since the A when I was unaware, spent years trying to stop me digging, and still lies now it's out.
I'm very doubtful most cheats actually do the work and can be trusted.
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