SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For those looking to the "why" of social norms as it relates to sexuality, there is a ton of fascinating research into why religion seeks to pair bond men and women at certain points in their lives...why society seeks to reward the building of families (stability, growth of the nation, focus on future planning), and why societies fail when they lose that foundational family structure.

Effectively, it's bad for society if the people in that society are too selfish...but it is good for them to have enlightened self interest towards their own family/clan/tribe.

At the micro level, this translates to raising children to become productive human beings with skin in the game...not feral humans with nothing to lose. Family, marriage, land ownership...these are critical factors. They give you something to love and something that you don't want to lose. Thus, stability.

This is also why sexual promiscuity was historically punished harshly...you risked all of those things.

In the modern context, you see this via divorce rape albeit in a one sided context in most cases.

At the micro micro level, you see risk in the form of partner count as studies show Oxycontin based pair bonding ability is decreased in women with direct correlation to partner count. Likewise, statistics on successful marriage are directly proportional to partner count, above a certain #. The surmised result is that you have a better chance at a successful marriage if you marry relatively young, to someone with a low partner count, who has a religious background that promotes children, home making, and family along with the exterior family structure (mother, father, grandparents) to support and reinforce that structure.

That's big picture...so there will be scores of people who show up to tell the world how they are the exception to the norm. Such is life.

Google oxytocin based pair bonding and marriage / divorce sexual partner count for further.

[This message edited by Unbroken78 at 5:51 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

Oh, and clue the rest of us in on what the magic number of whore/not whore is.

WornDown

Actually, I think you'll be happy to know that I've changed my partner count criteria. I've decided that the people who are least likely to cheat on me are people with a partner count that is either under 50 or OVER 150.

My logic is that people who managed to keep it under 50 at least wanted to have some emotional component to the sex they were having, and weren't just fucking for the sake of fucking. They are less likely to cheat because they at least require some emotional component before sex happens.

I think people who's partner count is OVER 150 are also less likely to cheat. My logic there is that obviously they have sewed whatever wild oats they're going to by then and are just plain tired of having so many different partners. They are less likely to cheat because they've tried ever other type of relationship and every other type of partner and now want to settle down and give monogamy a try.

My logic there

Maybe this is the flaw in the argument. You can’t explain crazy...no logic will ever help to understand the propensity to cheat. If you are looking to get married or in a long term relationship post infidelity, then you are certainly injecting risk into the equation. You won’t be able to affair proof your marriage. You can only affair proof yourself. Others will do whatever they want...

So build your formula based on your magic number, but don’t be surprised when they cheat.

This is fascinating to me.

When WH and I were going from dating to "relationship"/ monogamy, we did disclosure of dating history (it was also part of the HIV / STD testing/info gathering that I wanted before we ditched the condoms). I thought it was a full disclosure. Turns out the ONE person he kept secret in that early period is the woman he decided to keep secret for another >25 years, 10 of which he was f*cking her.

So - I guess I wonder what the heck does it matter? If someone wants to cheat, they will cheat.

He'd cheated on others before me, had been an AP to other women, and had been cheated on. I should have seen all of this coming and run for the hills instead of (foolishly) thinking that getting married would make a lick of difference.

They are less likely to cheat because they at least require some emotional component before sex happens.

Ummmm, I don't think so.

[This message edited by gmc94 at 11:54 PM, May 16th, 2019 (Thursday)]